ljdq | LJ Daily Answers, 3 July 2006.

Apologies for the late; CV is on holiday amongst his tree comrades in Maine & I, as usual, am buried in work.

Contrary to poplar beleaf, this week's theme was trees, knot wood. With that in mind, let's get started!

1. In 1927 the hockey team formerly known as the Saint Patricks changed their name. How are they now called?

"How are they called? You sound like my Israeli ex-girlfriend. She eventually got the idiom right, though, and I told her that she was going to go back to Israel with an American accent. She would be like, "What's it called," and her friend would say, 'How the fuck?'" -

droptheleash622

"With a phone?" -

mistyraven

(Okay, enough with the grammar nitpicking... - TL)

"I was about to answer the Boston Celtics (cuz of the whole green thing), but then I remembered you said hockey. I'm such a girl." -

wendynat

"It's ice hockey ergo I don't care. Even when it's discussed in telly shows like Stargate SG-1 I pretend they're talking about puppies instead. Because puppies > ice hockey." -

dracothelizard

(Now I'm imaging The Puppy Bowl, on ice. And I can't stop laughing. - TL)

"Not a clue. My knowledge of hockey comes from haveing Canadian cousins, one of whom works for the Hurricanes. We're trying to see if he can get the Stanley Cup for our family reunion next month. Everybody gets it for one day, right?" -

fantom07

"Wait, why would a hockey team be named after St. Patrick? Hockey, with all that drinking, violence, destruction of property... are those the things that we think of when we think of the Irish?" -

cmzero
"Stereotypes with Sticks." -

perfect_beaker

(Apparently so. - TL)

"The Patrick Swayzes. They changed when they moved into their new arena, the Roadhouse." -

drbear

"Given how I usually feel after Saint Patricks, I'm guessing The Hangovers." -

filmbuff

"The Driving Snakes! A small but successful team in their own region, they spend a lot of time getting kicked out of Ireland, and complaining about long car trips." -

3jane

"They are now called Potato O'Whiskey. Unfortunately, this team proved that it's very difficult to play hockey with shillelaghs." -

spookynoodle

"I highly doubt they ever had that name. Only Irish people would, and only Canadians play hockey, unless they're using Irish leprechauns as the pucks, in which case - can pucks form a team?" -

lisacharly

"The Kanuckistan Lumberjacks. They sleep all night and they work all day." -

barbarienne

(Let's check in with our sports correspondants! - TL)

"A bunch of scumbag cheap shot artists! *cough*Tie Domi*cough*" -

buzz
"Lately? Either "The Ottawa Senators' bitches", or just the "Maple Laughs". *sigh*" -

cmseward
"Where I come from, "LEAFS SUCK!"" -

csi_tokyo3
"The Team That Doesn't Win The Cup." -

birdboy2000

"The Toronto Marijuana Leafs. (I think that explains why they can't spell the plural of 'leaf' properly.)" -

thecuckoo

Correct Answer: The Toronto Maple Leafs

"Sadly they do not produce maple syrup." -

alatariel_helya

2. Who said "Shop smart. Shop S-Mart"?

"I am so smart! S-m-r-a-t!" -

marasca

(+1, Simpsons. -CV)

"Apu. Then he got fired for stealing from the till, but was hired at the less than credible Kwik-E-Mart a few weeks later. Few people know of his secret origin." -

seraphic_slayer

"Probably the same genius who came up with this slogan for Oklahoma's state license plates: 'Oklahoma: we're OK!'" -

ankhet

"What do Einstein and Agent 99 have in common? They're both f**king Smart." -

gaaak

"That was Dartha Stewart in one of the early Sith*Mart ad campaigns." -

glamsith

"One blog that I'm on, the spam filter picks up the word socialism, which is odd because this blog is supposed to be a progressive blog. We have to abbreviate socialism with s-ism. So my answer would have to be Che Guevara." -

droptheleash622

"Was it Superman? You know, the whole use-the-S-in-everything bit? 'Don't mess with the S!' This is incidently a family motto, since our last name starts with an S. And you dont want to mess with my dad, he's a giant. When he's mad, he's like a charging rhinocerous. But when you turn really suddenly, he can do that too, unlike real rhinos. This makes him scarier." -

ooyoumasha

" The quiz is the perfect comedic art form. I admire its purity.

" -

david_deacon

(That Ash was completely synthetic. Our Ash just had a bogus hand. -CV)

"Apparently not the K-Mart people, and look where they are now: being monopolized by Target ('The Most Wonderful Store in the World (c)') and Walmart ('Where The Price Is Right But the Quality Is Shit (c)'). Can't you just see the K-Mart people now: 'Goddamn it, why didn't we pick another letter?! Why?? I TOLD you that K wasn't a popular enough letter!!'" -

waffle_heiress

"I want to say Ash Ketchum but I think he's the pokemon dude." -

mcclintock

(He is. And -1 to everyone who said anything Pokemon related. -CV)

"When I told my mom the answer to this one is 'Ash' she told me to watch my language." - ~~ANONYMOUS~~

sskipstress

"Y'know, if it wasn't some awful time in the morning, I'd go put the movie in and find out what his damn name is. I don't think the rest of the hosue would appreciate being woken up at almost 2am to the sounds of the dead rising..." -

bacskocky

"If I ever came across a guy working in the Housewares section that had a chainsaw for a hand, I'd buy any damn thing he recommended!" -

n5iln

"The owner of the world's largest chin." -

alstaria

(...Jay Leno? -CV)

"This is my... nah. You'll probably get a million people saying that." -

umbralcorax

(You have no idea. -CV)

Correct Answer: Ashley "Ash" Williams, "Army of Darkness"

3. What is cheiromancy the art of?

"Wood magic. E.g. how to quickly reduce your embarrassment level when Mom walks into your room early in the morning." -

squeegibo

(At least it's in keeping with the theme. - TL)

"The art of travelling to Cairo?" -

diefbaby

"Chairmaking, and also carving your name on the surface of the moon." -

deltashade

(+1, The Tick. -AL&CV&TL)

"What is this, Fantasia? The art of controlling chairs? What's next, mops and buckets? Then we'll just end up with a flooded castle. Honestly." -

potassiumman

"The art of actually being able to put something from Ikea together." -

seraphic_slayer

"Conjuring up Cher." -

photosinensis

(-1, terrible idea. -AL)

"The art of looking at pictures of Kiera Knightly and sighing longingly." -

umbralcorax

(Which I hear is an art that's practiced by women as well as men! - TL)
(True dat. -AL)

"For some reason, that wants to be pronounced 'Cheeriomancy' in my head, so I'm gonna go with the art of controlling breakfast cereal." -

decapod_10
"reanimating cheerios.. graaaains graaaains" -

tarpo

"Summoning the spirits of Latin American socialist revolutionaries." -

kimpire

(How did Che Guevara manage to come up twice in one quiz? You've all become a bunch of commies. -AL)

"Not a clue, but I think churromancy is the art of divination by way of reading formations in slightly phallic, Mexican pastries." -

spookynoodle

"Cheiromancy? Mancy is so obviously the art of being a big wussy man-girl (Man and Nancy in one).... Che? Well, that's well known for being Spanish for "what" And Iro is the little-known Madagascaran word for "confusion"… so obviously this is the art of being a cross-dressing man-girl who is of indeterminate gender/age/sanity that is from the Madagascaran ex-patriot region of Spain and is a bit of a nancy-boy. Obvious, really." -

saramund

(And the winner of today's

gruyere Award for Logic Renunciation is...

saramund! -CV)

"Well, it's the third nipple that does it." - ANONYMOUS

(+1, Mallrats)

"This reminds me of that fortune telling vending machine with the horrendously stereotypical gypsy lady with a quarter fetish. 'Geeve me a qwarter, I luhve qwarters.' She skeeved me out, man." -

spatialrift47

"Fortunetelling via palm reading, though I wouldn't really call that an art. I'd call that more of a "getting-to-know-you-by-seducing-you-with-those-wonderful-erotic-pressure-points-in-your-hand."" -

fax_celestis
"It is the art of stroking someone's hand in a deliberately worrying way, all the time insisting that they will live a long and fulfilling life and have lots of children. According to the life-line on my palm, I should have died when I was fourteen." -

caits_cheverst

(Maybe next time you should get your palm read by

fax_celestis - TL)

"Your love line is all across your hand. I believe that means you masturbate a lot." -

woap

(Maybe not you. - CV&TL)

"Palm reading. I know how to do a bit of it and use it as a party trick. Best part is when I spit in their hand and say 'look! there's your swimming pool!'" -

fantom07

Correct Answer: Palm reading

"The art of getting dumb people to give you a lot of money by staring at their palms." -

ergie

(I say this is the Correct Answer. -AL)

Edit: Correct Answer: The art of getting dumb people to give you a lot of money by staring at their palms.

"Oh, god. Palm-reading. *headdesk* Where is AL to stamp out these puns when they occur?" -

ghymoreid

(My life has been eaten by a combination of Work & Triathlon. I apologize for my extended absence. -AL)

4. A pig, twice destined to die, was twice saved. A spider saved him second; who saved him first?

"Spider... step on spider
Spider... get rid of
Spider... we love you spider" -

naimhdearg

(+1, TMBG. -CV)

"You know, as a child, I was traumatized by reading 'Where the Red Fern Grows.' I have never fully recovered. To this day, I only own cats because of the horror of that book." -

aliaspiral

"A pig that good, you don't wanna eat all at once." -

etcet
"According to that book, pigs talk, have feelings and don't want to be eaten. The pork industry was only just recovering from the damage 'Charlotte's Web' did, when 'Babe' came out. Pigs are food, people, end of discussion." -

yak_boy
"That little bratty girl that never learned Darwinian laws about how saving the tiny pigs simply puts the bad genes of Tiny Pig forward into the gene pool, depriving everyone of bacon." -

lisacharly

(Mmmmmm... bacon. -CV)

"Four legs good, two legs bad?" -

ghymoreid

(+1, Animal Farm. -CV)

"You know, all those times I had to watch this movie, they never talked much about that. Always focussed on the spider." -

beckyh2112

"Great, now I got 'The Faaaaair is a veeeeritable smorgasbord, orgasbord, orgasbord!' stuck in my head. Thanks a LOT." -

peaseblossom03

(Come on now. That is one of the greatest songs ever written. Or sung by a rat. -CV)

"Templeton:
You've come a long way, Starbuck.

" -

david_deacon

(Wrong again, but +1 for the A-Team. -CV)

"P.E.T.A." -

domestik_fucker,

buzz,

mistyraven,

jessicamariek,

drbear

"A Fern is not a tree, and a forest isn't particularly Arable until you cut down all the trees. ::gazes disapprovingly at

chaosvizier.:: I cry shenanigans on you being pointlessly tricksy." -

barbarienne

(Ah, but there is such a creature as a Tree Fern, and in my shenanigantastic brain, that's more than enough justification to go around. Wheeeeee! Bad logic is fun! -CV)

"Fern represents most women - they fall in love with pigs." -

gaaak

"Oh my God, I reread that book, and seriously. HENRY FUSSY? You're forsaking your animal friends-who you can talk to-for a boy named HENRY FUSSY? Also, Fern's mother thinking her daughter is crazy? WAY TO BE A SUPPORTIVE PARENT." -

puredeadthingy

Correct Answer: Fern Arable

"How many freaking talking-pig movies does the world need? Really." -

alstaria

5. What was the last name of Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, King under the Mountain?

"I wood answer if I could, but I just do knot know." -

spatialrift47

(+1 for punnery! - TL)
(Haaaaaaaaate. -AL)

"Allthegoodplaces" -

seraphic_slayer
"Myside." -

funkmastermo
"Thanfrancisco?" -

lynbug
"Buttz. He got beat up a lot in school, so he stopped using it." -

stgreyhounds

"Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen Thrain" -

mcclintock

(+1 for punnery, and a bonus for James Taylor! I love it when AL's away! - TL&CV)
(HAAAAAAAAAAAATE. -AL)

"I'd feel pretty bad for him if his full name was Thorin Weeping Willow. Kind of a wimpy name for the grandson of Thor." -

filmbuff

"Those names sound like anxiety medication. I would not be surprised if someone in my family is taking one of them." -

vanbrosia

"Thorin Cheekybottom always got bullied in little dwarf school for his last name, because there was nothing funny about his bottom. And for some reason his beard was a little shorter and a little curlier than that of the other dwarves. And he'd seen sequins once... sequins looked pretty." -

damanique

(+1, Terry Pratchett!!!! - TL)

"My brother insists this is from LOTR. Please tell me it isn't, because if it is and he's right you, LJWQ have fallen in my estimation! You would never dream of mentioning LOTR would you?!" - BUG & STEN

(Heh, heh, heh... - TL)

(Well, technically, it's not. -CV)

"Just be glad he actually had an independent personality, unlike the rest of the ~~seven~~13 dwarves" -

cmseward

"if his name had been Adamantiumshield, he might have survived to the end of the book" -

wiredwizard

(-1, spoilers - TL)

"Oakenshield. Besides mining for gems, he had an illustrious career DJing tasty techno tunes. -

thecuckoo

"I didn't even have to think to answer that and THAT SCARES ME A LOT." -

the_wanlorn

(You think that's bad? Check out the next guy. - TL)

"*runs down the list* There was Fili, Kili, Dori, Nori, Ori, Bifour, Bofur, Bombor, Balin, Dwalin, Oin, Gloin, Thorin Oakenshield, and a couple of non-dwarves, Bilbo Baggins and the ever elusive Gandalf the Grey, who skipped out on the part in Mirkwood to go deal with Saruman and Ragdast about the Necromancer of Dul Guldor, who was found to be Saruon, the Lord of the Rings. Do I get my -1 for the Geek of the Week Award yet?" -

photosinensis

(There ya are, -1. With a side of lembas, even. - TL)

Correct Answer: Thorin Oakenshield

"And Legolas's last name was Greenleaf. Oakshield. Sounds like they all live in a commune in Oregon, doesn't it?" -

ginalin

6. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

"Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?" -

confessionalbox,

palmer_kun, ANONYMOUS

"How much chi can a cheetah tie if a cheetah could tai chi?" -

i_calql8

"I don't think Woodpeckers have opposable thumbs, so I've never quite understood that tongue twister." -

jonem

(...what woodpecker? -AL)

(Huh huh, she said "pecker". -CV)

"African or European woodchuck?" -

kokopellinelli,

barbarienne

(+1, Monty Python's Holy Grail. -CV)

"I love Monkey Island, but I'm going to go with the woodchuck on this: 'Oh, shut up.'" -

dracothelizard

" Would a woodchuck up-chuck Woodchuck?

" -

waffle_heiress, drinkificating for 9 of you

"This question is made all the more bizarre by mentally replacing 'chuck' with 'Chuck Norris'." -

beckyh2112
"Chuck Norris chucked all the wood there ever was chucked. He just lets woodchucks live so there could be that cute scene in Narnia." -

lots42

"I think I need to get some male attention - my mind keeps thinking naughty thoughts" -

sometimespez

"I say look at his palms. If they're hairy, we know just how much wood chucking that thing did. Blindness will also be a determining factor." -

fantom07

"I did a science project on this once. I took a woodchuck, and put him in a room with a bunch of wood and measured his progress daily. Little bugger bit my finger." -

naimhdearg

"A wood chuch would chuck a truck full of wood... and then drive around the suburbs trying to sell it door to door for people's fireplaces" -

marasca

"I once knew a Charles Wood. For some reason he refused to go by 'Chuck.' Never saw him chuck any wood either, so I'm going to say none." -

filmbuff

"Theorem: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Proof: First, let e > 0. Now, we know that the potential function for woodchucking is a uniformly continuous function over any interval of time, from 0 to ¥. As it is uniformly continuous, it is then Riemann-Stiltjes integrable. (Theorem 6.8 in Rudin "Principles of Mathematical Analysis"). As it is integrable, we can then say that the lower integral and the upper integral are the same value, as Da approaches zero, where a is a monotone continuous function. Letting the lower integral be equal to f and the upper being equal to F, we see that f is the least amount of wood that can be chucked, and F the most. As it is integrable, |F - f| < e, we see that there is no difference between the potential values of wood that can be chucked. Since there is no difference, we can say the woodchuck would chuck 2 cubits.
QED" -

sharnjilraedan

(I'm going to have to sit this one out. You may or may not get a Geek of the Week award, based on whether you're telling the truth or not. -CV)

"What's a cubit?" -

sweetpea86

(+1, Bill Cosby. -CV)

And that wood be all for now. Special thanks to

trishalynn for helping out during AL's work-related absence this round. Regular thanks to everyone who played this round and brought the funny. More thanks to all first time players- hope you enjoyed, and hope to see more of you here. More thanks if you brought someone with you- remember: pimping is goooood. Advertising is gooooood. No thanks to those jerks in Pod Six.

See you tomorrow, same bat-time, same bat-website!

Rock on,

AL&CV&TL

Page 1 of 2 << [1] [2] >>

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

saramund.livejournal.com

I got an award... or at least I think I did...?

From:

angledge.livejournal.com

You did. Sorry for the bad HTML (now fixed).

From:

photosinensis.livejournal.com

-2 for me! Woohoo!

From:

chaosvizier.livejournal.com

Negatives! They're the new positives!

From:

deltashade.livejournal.com

SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

From:

chaosvizier.livejournal.com

I shall call you Speak, because that's what you do.

From:

dracothelizard.livejournal.com

"(Now I'm imaging The Puppy Bowl, on ice. And I can't stop laughing. - TL)"

You think puppies on ice are cool, wait until you've seen SUZUKIS on ice.

Suzuki Ice Hockey (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SRmdRwJF-8). Because Top Gear is AWESOME like that :D.

From:

drbear.livejournal.com

What's so funny about little Japanese kid violinists on ice?

Though named daily, it is weekly. Behold the first mystery.

LJ Daily Answers, 3 July 2006.

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