ljdq | LJ Daily Answers, 2 January 2006

"So apparently Hallmark has decided that with Christmas officially over on Dec 25th. A new Holiday season was required to fill the void between Christmas and New Year's. And thus was born Boxing Week. Like all of the reality TV shows America has stolen from the UK we've had to take something good and pure and pervert it and make it run far too long." -

pheltzer

Well, we didn't feel like writing another New Year's Quiz. So the theme this week was "box", in honor of Boxing Day.

1. What 1993 movie stars Julian Sands as an obsessive doctor who cuts off his girlfriend's arms and legs?

"Er...what? Please tell me you're making this up. Please." -

crystalcazzie
"Ick. Why do you want me to even think about such ick?" -

etumukutenyak

(Yeeeah, this question gave me the heebie-jeebies too. -AL)

(Let's start with all the tasteless armless-and-legless jokes we all heard as kids:)

"'Matt' ...oh, wait, that's the punchline to another joke. -

krick
"Do they call her 'bob' when she goes swimming? Or make her play first base in pick up softball games?" -

flawed_karma
"...'Eileen' if you only did one side..." -

cindale

(We sincerely hope there are no armless-and-legless Quizlings who we are totally, totally offending right now. -C&AL&CV)

"Apparently, I'm not privvy to certain courtship rituals." -

dark_goddess_

"Want a way to scare off those people that you just don't want to date? Take them to see this movie. (which I really don't know the title of and if I google it I bet my arms and legs will be cut off.)" -

learntoflyrar

"Cut off her arms and legs? Wow. I guess I ought to stop complaining about my husband leaving his boxers around the house, huh?" -

wendynat

"I hope his license to practice was taken away" -

leitch71

(I hope HE was taken away. -AL)

"I think I dated a guy like that... wait, I married a guy like that... and he cut my heart out, not my limbs..." -

elbiesee

"Boxing Helena, a movie that almost sank Sherilyn Fenn's acting career. Would that it had sunk Kim Bassinger's instead, but if My Stepmother is an Alien couldn't do that, nothing can." -

stephe

"Boxing Helena, Montana, which is actually a documentary about Cristo." -

sarekofvulcan

"Is this anyway for Helen to celebrate Boxing day?" -

pyllgrum

"Boxing Helena, wrapping her, adding a nice bow and maybe some sparkles. The ultimate Valentine's gift." -

sasscat

Correct Answer: Boxing Helena.

2. Native to the eastern part of North America, what is the more common term for a reptile of genus Terrapene?

Tyrannosaurus Rex and variations - 3
References to University of Maryland sports teams - 6
Teenage Mutant Ninja References - 2
People translating "terrapene" as "earth penis" - 4

"Terrapene, well Terra means earth, and pene? like penne, so earth noodle. But that wouldn't be a reptile, and it doesn't fit with the theme, unless the noodles are in a box, with a pretty picture of a reptile on it. So slap a picture of a cute turtle on the box and you have Box Turtle's Earth Noodles! Don't cook in boiling water or they'll die." -

jenny_1981

"Paint Thinner" -

ntlespino

(That's turpentine. -AL)

"Donald Trump" -

beccak1961
"John Bobbitt" -

dirtynumbangel
"I've only ever lived in India or Britain and have still to set foot in the US of A, therefore, I'm gonna name the only American reptile I know: Jessica Simpson" -

ketaki

"Great A'Tuin, the World Turtle." -

dslartoo

(+1, Terry Pratchett. -C)

"Resisting the urge to make a pun on today's theme, the answer is the vagina turtle" -

leitch71

(Truly your powers of restraint are awesome to behold. -C)

"I know this because a friend of mine had one when she was little. It pooed in my hand once. You don't ever forget the name of something that poos in your hand." -

smittenrosebud

(Lovelorn quizlings, take note. -C)

"Interesting sidenote on this weeks theme: A friend of mine recently completed her gender reassignment surgery. She refers to it as having gotten a new box installed." -

master_flea

(+1 to your friend. You, on the other hand, get nothin'. -C)

"The box turtle is a gyp. I put two in a cage, and they didn't box one bit." -

woap

"When I was a kid we had a Box Turtle. We named him Boxie and painted designs on his shell with nail polish. Then he ran away...or was eaten by a raccoon and my dad wanted to sugarcoat things." -

lesamalie

Correct Answer: Box Turtle.

"not to be confused with the Rectangle Chihuaha or the Circular Ferret." -

flawed_karma

3. What Simon and Garfunkel song begins, "I am just a poor boy, though my story's seldom told"?

Po'boy sandwich references: 2
Quizlings making fun of Art Garfunkel's hair: 3
Quizlings mentioning "Bohemian Rhapsody": 19
Mods completely mind-boggled at the idea of anyone getting Simon&Garfunkel mixed up with Queen: 3
Mods now contemplating writing Art Garfunkel/Freddie Mercury slash just to punish you all: 1

"I LOVE Simon and Garfunkel! Of course, I probably shouldn't admit that because it dates me! Not that anyone else wants to date me..." -

cindale
(At least two-thirds of the LJDQ mods will admit to loving S&G, which is not the same as saying that two-thirds of the mods want to date you, but a girl can dream. -C)

"I have squandered my existance playing the quiz, so I wouldn't know anything like that. Plus I have a pocket full of mumbles. Such are promises." -

flawed_karma
"If your in a song, any song let a lone a popular song, how is your story seldom told. A guess we call that a Lie-la-Lie." -

stevenmallory04
(You each get +1 for creative use of the correct lyrics, but -1 for not actually providing the song title. -C)

"Oh, hey! The one song I can play on the guitar and not sound like a total phony! Well, I still sound phony, but that's because I'm a girl, and singing about taking comfort in whorehouses always raises an eyebrow or two." -

babybokal

"'I am a box'" -

krick

"For a story that's seldom told, Simon & Garfunkel sang the song about this poor schulb a whole hell of a lot. They even put it on several albums which each sold a couple of million copies. I don't know how that counts as 'seldom told.'" -

pheltzer

"I was going to scoff at the idea of either of them being 'poor boys', but I don't know if any amount of money could make up for being named 'Art Garfunkel'." -

wendynat

"But you know, that's not true. All the stories are about poor boys and kicked puppies. What about the rich bitches that need to represent?" -

bizzatch

"I find this question a little weird, because I've only listened to this song on repeat for the past five days since I picked the "best of" cd up on some kind of weird whim. Are the LJDQ spies everywhere?" -

learntoflyrar
(Yes. Yes they are. Christmas may be over, but the LJDQ still sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake. -C)

"I'm going to take a wild stab and say it wasn't 'The Ballad of Donald Trump.'" -

drbear

"Oliver Twist, Transsexual...how often do you hear that story?" -

droptheleash622

"we can safely rule out hamlet, since his final words were asking horatio to tell his story." -

speckled_llama

"'The Boxer', featuring the line with the ultimate truth: 'A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.' This also applies to customers." -

meandstuff

Correct Answer: The Boxer.

4. What is the name of the Philadelphia native and 12-year middleweight boxing champion known as "The Executioner"?

"Anyone else misread that as '12-year old middlewieght boxing champion'?" -

profsparky

(Only about half the class. -AL)

"The only person I know of from Philadelphia is Will Smith, who kills us with his bad movies and terrible music, of which I admit to having two albums and a DVD. *Hangs head in shame*" -

meandstuff

('Scuse me? One of your mods is also from Philadelphia. -AL)

"My entire boxing knowledge can be summed up as 'Muhammed Ali' and 'George Foreman.' I'm pretty sure Ali neither had a nickname nor was from Philly, and the only thing George is known as is 'The Grillmaster.'" -

cmzero

"...putting 'The Executioner' in the middle of your name makes just about anyone sound 50% more macho: Richard 'The Executioner' Simmons and Isaac 'The Executioner' Mizrahi are two good examples." -

david_deacon

(Let's try that out..... introducing [Bad username or unknown identity: chaos"The Executioner"vizier]!! You're right, that's extra-manly! -AL)

"Nobody ever calls a champion boxer 'Schnookums' or 'Candy Pie'." -

maggiebloome

(... because if you do, they'll HIT YOU. -AL)

"B. Ox, the well-known Philly native who executed his opponents in the boxing ring by boxing their ears until they dropped. Actually, his last name was Ochs, but the family anglicized it during WW2." -

etumukutenyak

"Umm... Rocky? I figure I'll join the hordes with no idea. Maybe we can invade like the Mongols." -

hoyland54

"The Executioner? What did he do? Take out the mummers? Please god?" -

dorei

"I don't know if he's ever boxed, but I'd have to say Terrel Owens since he single-handedly executed the Eagles' season." -

halo4

"Bernard Hopkins. I wish I could think of something hilarious to go with that, like, 'you should see a picture of the guy, he looks exactly the opposite of an executioner' but in all seriousness the guy looks insanely buff and I think anyone who would willingly go into a boxing ring to fight him must be mad. Then again, boxers seem to enjoy that sort of thing." -

ooyoumasha

Correct Answer: Bernard Hopkins.

5. Name the experimental chamber often used by psychologists to study operant conditioning in animals.

"What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy." -

southbucki

(Apropos of nothing at all, some Monty Python for the masses. -CV)

"Schroedinger's Box" -

pheltzer,

krick

(Thematically appropriate; factually incorrect. Nice try. -CV)

"Experimental + Animal + Chamber = Schrodinger's Cat = Heisenberg Uncertainty Principal = Star Trek = Picard = Bald Authoritative Guys in Science Fiction = Skinner" -

lovellama

(+1 for absolutely flawless logic. -C)

"That would be a 'bar' or a 'pub.'" -

david_deacon

"High school classrooms." -

tarpy

"I wanna say Pavlov's box. Similar to Pandora's box, except when you open Pavlov's box the dogs won't bite until they hear the bell, and well the demons in Pandora's box just don't give a damn." -

jenny_1981

(I'm going to have to call shenanigans on pretty much every part of your answer here. -CV)

"The Thunderdome. TWO MEN ENTAH, ONE MAN LEEEEEEEAVES!" -

lyme

(+1, Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome. -CV)

"The Chamber of Secrets?" -

profsparky

"would you do it in a box? would you do it with a fox?" -

speckled_llama

"Skinner box. Named after BF Skinner, and not Special Agent Skinner from the XFiles. But Mitch Pileggi was hotter." -

mirrorslie

"The Skinner Box, Not only used on rats, But Skinner's own child, the 'heir Conditioner' as it was called. Psych class finally comes into use!" -

moodybear

Correct Answer: Skinner Box.

"Many celebrities have accidentally read this as 'The Skinny Box', and locked themselves in there to lose weight. What did you think happened to Fran Drescher? Or perhaps you were like the rest of the world, and simply didn't care." -

the_zaniak

6. What would you like to see in your mailbox?

"you can't fit ~~lust~~ love in a mailbox." -

shannon_sue

(WARNING: the link in CV's next comment is NSFW. As I learned when I clicked on it from my US Department of Homeland Security-owned computer. Thanks, buddy. -AL)
(Au contraire. -CV)

"Is it sad if I say new math textbooks?" -

hoyland54

(Yes. -CV&AL)

"You know how in Men In Black 2 when J opened up that train station locker and there was a whole alien civilization in there worshiping a watch. Finding that in my mailbox wouldn't suck... because then I could probably convince them to worship my mail. And as a sign of devotion to their mail deity they would pay all the bills that were delivered unto them." -

pheltzer

"Bach's concerto" -

drbear

(What, like a tiny orchestra playing a concerto in your mailbox? Weird. -AL)

"GET A BIGG3R PEN15 2DAY" -

deltashade

"That rare Pamela Anderson cloning kit someone from Nigeria e-mailed me about. " -

csi_tokyo3

"anything but anthrax." -

halo4
"Anything but bills." -

moodybear

(Note to self: reroute

moodybear's and

halo4's mail. -CV)

"Something shiny. Don't really care what it is as long as it's shiny. Isn't that always the case?" -

weill

"Is this innuendo? If so, I'd like to 'see' some 'postcards' rammed into MY 'mailbox.'" -

the_zaniak

"An elephant, but just because my mailman's a prick and I want to see him try carrying it up there and getting it in the mailbox." -

iamraffiki

"It would be really cool if my mailbox was taken over by some tiny little monster, who'd get all uppity every time I went to get the mail. You might think this would be bad, but in fact, it would give me someone to trade amusing, witty banter at when I had to go get my bills. Which would make the process slightly less irritating." -

nakedblueninja

"Money. Cash. Dough. Doubloons. Green-backs. Motsa. Bacon. Rhino. Spondulicks. Brass. Cabbage. Dosh. Pesos. Bucks. Ducats. Boffo. Moolah. Gelt. Mazuma. Dead presidents. Large amounts of a medium of currency, and yes I WILL take checks too since I'm not picky, which shall make me abandon my every activity at once, sally forth, and infiltrate places of purveyance to negotiate the vending of purchasable goods and services. In conclusion: money." - comingtoterms, voicing the most popular sentiment of the question

You're all so shallow! We hope that your New Year's resolutions are to become less obsessed with the accumulation of wealth, & to donate all your income to the LJDQ PayPal account. No? Maybe in 2007 then.

Rock on, and Happy New Year,

C&CV&AL.

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

deltashade.livejournal.com

Oh, yay. Leet penes get me quoted. Ah well. A slap-happy new year to all!

From:

chaosvizier.livejournal.com

And happy new year to you too! Get your leet fix in 2006!

From:

jenny-1981.livejournal.com

yay, i havent been quoted in so long, and now i get quoted twice.

"I wanna say Pavlov's box. Similar to Pandora's box, except when you open Pavlov's box the dogs won't bite until they hear the bell, and well the demons in Pandora's box just don't give a damn." - jenny_1981

(I'm going to have to call shenanigans on pretty much every part of your answer here. -CV)

it was just a thrown together answer with bits of psychology and mythology that i probably don't have remembered correctly, but it got me quoted so I don't really care if it's true.