LJ Daily Answers: 26 December 2005

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas! Most of you have been naughty this year, but unlike Santa, we like that sort of thing, and we reward it accordingly. So here's this week's answers, courtesy of the seasonal theme word "Yule".

1. What does one first see in the second verse of the Christmas Carol "Deck The Halls"?

"There's a rule that Americans don't know more than the first verse of any christmas song." - mcclintock

(Well then, we'll just have to count on the foreign contingent to pull us through on this question. -AL)

"Depends how many 'festive' glasses of port you've drunk before then. In my experience, if you reach the singing part of the evening, you've already had too many." - nolseygnu

"The epic climax to the war on christmas, in which the armies of 'Happy Holidays' set fire to the holiday and stands back to watch it burn, thus, once and for all time, sealing their victory over those who would oppress them with sinister tidings of christian cheer. And egg nog. What is nog anyway?" - purple_snitch

"I see... dead people...." - jonem

(And a merry Christmas to you too. +1 for The Sixth Sense. -AL)

"Captain's log, Stardate 20122005. We are heading for Yule, to partake in the annual festivities. Starfleet Command has issued a warning that overeating, consumption of alcoholic beverages and exchange of gifts may abound." - germankitty

"Gay apparel? No wait! Yule log... Well, they're both flaming, in any case." - greenmansgrove

"Having donned our gay apparel, which we can surmise to be assless chaps, we now see the 'Blazing Yule' before us, which must be the name of a particularly flamboyant gay bar." - woap

"The blazing Yule - oh wait, does that mean I should be having a huge bonfire this week?" - hthottie

(Why should this week be different from any other? -AL)

"The Blazing Yule. I always wondered what Mr. Brenner had done that merited immolation. But, given that this particular song has such a high level of interpersonal violence (decking halls, striking harps, etc), it's no wonder." - ghostrider65

"I was at the grocery store the other day and they had a cake shaped like a yule log. Now...maybe I'm just extremely immature, but there's something about a log shaped cake smothered in chocolate icing that I find decidedly unappealing." - seraphic_slayer

"A blazing yoolbee forest, or at least that's what I thought until I was like 13." - peaseblossom03

Correct Answer: "See the blazing yule before us"

"And if the yule is blazing, you know it’s working." - thesnark



2. Which actor ruled both Siam and Egypt in two separate films in 1956?

"Actors don't rule. Quizlings do." - gaaak

(If he were still alive, this actor would be a Quizling. I'm sure of it. -AL)

"Jesus. Busy man." - xphilega

"... I plead 'born over three decades past the date reference in the question'." - cougarfang

(This excuse has been ruled completely unacceptable in previous quizzes, especially since your mods themselves are one to two decades younger than the date in question, so here's your -1. Sorry kids, you have to learn about ALL KINDS of things that happened before you were born. -AL&CV)

"And now the iPod in my brain has replaced 'Deck the Halls' with 'One Night in Bangkok.'" - thesnark

"Mr.T, because he comes with his own royal bling" - armethis

"He's shiny on top, right?" - meepbitch

"I know this because Yul Brynner died on the day I was born, which means that there is a chance that I am him reincarnated. That's right, live a life of sin in Hollywood and you'll come back as a skinny white girl." - purple_snitch

"I'll go with Yul Brenner, who definitely had that whole Patrick-Stewart-before-there-was-a-Patrick-Stewart, bald-men-are-totally-hot thing going on." - ladylyonesse

"Yul Brynner, who is my hero because he once stopped a performance of The King and I to personally tell someone to take their screaming child out of the theatre." - chaobell

(+1 to the King for that move. -AL)

"You know... it almost might work better as one movie. Moses rides an elephant to Siam in order to free the Chinese from slavery and teach the king of Siam about Abraham Lincoln. When he arrives in Siam he needs to part a sea of the king's children and wives in order to get an audience with the king. The king casts Moses and the Chinese out of the kingdom and all they have time to prepare are those little pancakes they use for Moo-Shoo Pork. While they're wandering around the jungles of Southeast Asia they are visited by 10 different Buddhist gods and each one provides a commandmant that must be followed." - pheltzer

(Fascinating. -AL)

"Am I a bad person for confusing Yul Brenner for Mr. Clean when I was a kid?" - renee12321

(Yes. -CV)

"Oooh, ooh, ooh I know this one. Yul Brynner. I only know this because my husband insists that if we have another son we call him Ulysses and I keep thinking, '... but then I'll have to call him Yul and shave his head.'" - sitandwait

"Last week's #2 was about cue balls. This week, it's Yul Brunner. Coincidence? I think not." - babybokal

"Elvis is the only true king." - bizzatch

Correct Answer: Yul Brynner



3. What is the term for a speech given in praise of a person, usually at their funeral?

"[Zoolander blah blah blah]" - over half of you. What have we told you about avoiding the obvious joke? No credit unless you're ridiculously good-looking.

"a desperate ploy to be written back into the will." - hentaijess

"Pass the tissues and a little nip from Grandpa's flask." - hthottie

"lies for the living to ease their conscience about the dead" - ghostrider65

"The one day it's all about you and you're dead." - whiski_sour

"The 'Dead Spread' lots of food, praise, and humorous stories." - csflick

"it's bloody depressing, but sometimes informative." - sometimespez

(Some disambiguations for us:)
"A speech is a eulogy, a poem for a funeral is an elegy." - teal_cuttlefish
"If you yell it, it's a ululation." - pocketmouse

"Speech? Speech? You're supposed to SPEAK when you get up there? I WONDERED why everybody was upset when I got up to the podium with the semaphore flags..." - umbralcorax

(Ladies & gentlequizlings, we have found our official LJDQ Speaker for the Dead. -AL)

"*You'll* know when I read the eulogy at YOUR funeral." - marilyth

(All three mods plan to outlive all 1,300+ of you. Yes, even you pre-teens. -AL&C&CV)

"A Eulogy. Something that never made sense to me. Why in the world would you say something nice about someone who wasn't nice? Who cares if they're dead, at least now they can't punch you if you call then an asshole." - ovariescanbefun

(I think the idea was that you didn't want to attract the attention of their potentially vengeful ghost. -AL)

Correct Answer: Eulogy

"That's at the funeral. Wait for the bitching that comes at the after-the-funeral party." - gaaak



4. Which former prime minister of the Ukraine was sometimes called the Heroine of the Orange Revolution?

"Minutemaidimir Tropicanovitch?" - chaobell
"Don't know her real name but her friends called her 'The Minute Maid'" - pheltzer
Other misc orange-juice-related answers: 12

"Anita Bryant." - pyllgrum, jacesan, sweetpea86

(+1 for the much more subtle orange-juice reference, with bonus homophobia subtext! -C)

"I read this as 'heroin' and saw Orange, so I immediately thought, a ha! Malcolm McDowell!" - dorei

(Let's get this straight: Heroine with an E on the end, female hero. Heroin with no E on the end, illegal drug. Have you people learned nothing from "The Commitments"??? -C)

Other misreadings of "heroine":
"I don't know, but I hope you realise that I read "heroine" as "Heron" at first." - kittycatness
"I read that as "Hermione" and was trying to figure out what the hell she had anything to do with the Ukraine." - timba

(Congratulations kittycatness and timba, you are officially the least dirty-minded of all quizlings. A few more weeks of playing the LJDQ oughta take care of that. -C)

"There's a holiday in Spain called the "Tomatina" where the whole town engages in a food-fight only with tomatoes. I imagine the Orange Revolution likewise but with oranges and more ouch." - alejandradd

"The Great Pumpkin." - portkey
"Mrs. Peacock (in the library with the rope)" - kysen
"Yul Brenner! In a dress. In the Ukraine. Honest!" - kenshardik
"Oksana Baiul." - soimpossible414, peaseblossom03, lyzz13

(+0.5 for sticking with the theme and getting the country right, if nothing else. -C)

"I'm picturing those chocolate oranges as ammo, over here. Whack and unwrap, indeed." - profsparky

"It's like the Russian revolution mixed with yellow." - maggiebloome
"Is this some kind of washed-down version of communism? Like the orange army and the little orange book? Like when communists drop a few principles and decide maybe deomcracy isn't so bad after all?" - azure_dragon

"In Soviet Russia, Orange revolutionizes YOU!" - jonem

(That was inevitable. -CV)

(LJDQ Feminist Commentary of the Week:)
"Why is it that even backwards, fucked up countries like the Ukraine have had a female ruler, and the U.S. hasn't?" - marasca
"Geeze, the friggin' Ukraine put a woman in charge before we did? C'mon people, let's get up to speed! Condi vs. Hillary in '08!" - cmzero
"They let women become Prime Minister in the Ukraine? Damn, in Australia we still haven't managed Homo sapien yet." - nolseygnu

Correct Answer: Yulia Tymoshenko



5. Who is the only tennis player to have won a "Golden Slam", by winning all four Grand Slam tournaments and the Olympic gold medal in the same year?

"And suddenly, there was heard the cry of a thousand Quizlings as their hopes for a sports-free quiz was crushed under the angry foot of a rampant metaphor..." - zanmistoffelees

(Mmmmmm... it tastes like despair. -CV)

"Grand
*four
------
Golden

I don't get your wayside math." - shadowkeeper

"I want to say 'Evonne Goolagong,' just because it's funny." - david_deacon

"Jesus. Because he's metal." - kantiandream

"Golden Slam: The kind of dump you take after drinking Goldschlager." - abstrakt1

"'Golden Slam' just sounds like a bad porn title. I don't even want to think about it. Oh, Jesus save me, I'm thinking about it." - jelymo

"Wait a minute... you're telling me that you win four tennis tournaments and an olympic gold medal all in one year and all you get is a $1.99 breafast off the Senior's menu at Denny's?" - pheltzer

(Well, what can you do? Tennis just ain't all that next to baseball, for some reason. -CV)

"An old acquaintance of mine used to refer to a Gold Slam as a week where he had sex with four women. I think he was a virgin." - wendynat

"I know exactly two big time tennis players. Steffi Graf and Boris Becker. And because I always like to vote for the girls, I'll vote for Steffi. Plus, she writes her name with a little heart over the i, and you can't beat that." - judith_s

(Amazingly enough, your debatable logic has served you well here. -CV)

"Are you trying some kind of ninja like trickery here? How does Steffi Graf fit into the theme?" - buzz
"I’m pretty sure that’s Steffi Graff, but your theme, it fills my heart with doubt. I fail to see how Steffi Graff sounds even remotely like 'Yule.'" - thesnark

(Many of you asked similar questions. -CV)

"you're just hoping people will give you photos of Steffi, aren't you?" - barbarienne

(Well, that would have been nice too. We got some other pics instead. -CV)

"" - deltashade. Nope, but good showing.
"" - jessicamariek. Also nope, different player, still nice.
"" - hellpaladin2183. Nope, but once again, well done. Mmmmm... boobies.

Correct Answer: Steffi Graf

(Oh, you wanted to know what Steffi Graf has to do with this week's Yule-based theme? Well, the answer is...
...brace for it...
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
That's right. We were just fucking with you. Merry Christmas! -AL&CV&C)



6. What are you doing this holiday season?

"Knitting. A lot. And making cookies. And emptying the house of Rum through the most expedient methods..." - ladylyonesse

(The MOST expedient method would be to box it up & send it to me. -AL)

"Trying not to kill my sister-in-law. " - dorei

"You'd better change this question to 'What are you doing this Christmas season?' or else you might get boycotted by the American Family Association." - pheltzer

(That's one of my lifetime ambitions, actually. My own personal boycott from the funnymentalists. -AL)

"Apparently, people who suffer from depression are more prone to getting depressed during the Christmas weeks. So I'm just going to go online and wait for news of the first emo-induced suicide of Christmas day." - i_am_stillwater

"I am going to the beach. The beach! *points at pretty much everyone on the Northern Hemisphere and mocks*" - alejandradd

"Probably die slowly in the heat. Winter wonderland my mosquito-stung ASS." - vanbrosia

"Rampaging through Aukland in a Santa outfit!" - maggiebloome

"Going to NYC on Martha Stewart's dime to see her Apprentice's finale, and then catch 'Spamalot'" - lusciousmango

(Cool! How did this come about? -AL)

"Sacrificing innocents & virgins to Unholy Cthulhu." - wiredwizard

(You say that every year. -AL)

"Why, setting Yule logs on fire and striking harps, natch. I've been shopping, and it can do that to me." - pyratelady

(Whoops, someone's overdosed on Christmas carols. -AL)

"Well, last year the whole family engaged in a rampaging battle with disc-shooters in which hand-to-hand combat for discarded ammo led to much animosity and only enough breath left to eat. We'll think of something." - themommage

(We, marasca, fizrep, dancingsaracen & others can highly recommend these fine products from Nerf. They made for a fun-filled adventure on New Years Even, 2000. -AL&CV)

"1. Chill and generally behave like a waste of flesh for two solid school-free weeks
2.
3. Profit!" - zanmistoffelees

"take out an extensive life insurance policy then try to stuff my two siamese cats into a stocking for a cute photo op." - armethis

"Ever been in a Borders the week before Christmas? Yeah, that's where I work." - silent_sybil

(Ooooohhhh .... good luck to all the retail workers out there. -AL)

"Baking up a storm. I'm Betty Crocker, bitches. *flex*" - sexkittenb

"My roommate hung mistletoe inside the front door. I'm going to be hoping the hot UPS guy delivers something while I'm home." - sskipstress

"Laying down my wallet in proper deference to the gods of Greed and Gluttony, of course! And, of course, hubby and I will stay up late to put gifts under the Shrubbery after the kid goes to bed, to perpetuate the lies that were once told to us and that we must now pass on to the next generation so that they, too, can feel the shifting sands of trust fall away under their feet." - wendynat

"Draft-dodging the War on Christmas." - drbear

"Dreidel dreidel dreidel! I made it out of clay!¹ And when it's dry and ready, my dreidel I will play!^2
1 Actually, I bought a pack of two for less than three bucks at Wegmans.
² In the interest of full disclosure, I should probably admit that I'll most likely eat the gelt without playing dreidel at all." - baseballchica03



And there you have it. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. Although that was yesterday. Today we have Merry Day-After-Christmas. Or Merry Jewish Christmas. Or Happy Boxing Day, if you're from some weirdo foreign country like Canadia. Happy Ramadan as well, to our Muslim colleagues, and may your devout relatives successfully complete their hajj, if they're hajjing. Everybody else, enjoy the day off of work, if you got it. If not... well, I guess this week just plain sucks, and we'll see you all again tomorrow for the Last Quiz Of The Year (tm)! And for those of you who are gone on vacation, Happy New Year!

...why, hello, lonely little champagne bottle. Would you like to be my friend tonight?

Rock on!

AL&CV&C

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