LJ Daily Answers: 26 September 2005

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

"A pirate bellies up to the bar. He's got a ship's wheel sticking out of his breeches. The bartender says, 'Hey, lad, ye've got a ship's wheel in yer pants!' The pirate groans and says, 'Aye - it's drivin' me nuts!'" - anonymisty, lyme, harpie84

And with that, we have officially extended Talk Like A Pirate Day into Quiz About Pirates Week. Are we not clever? Sure we arrrrrrrre. So let's be on with it and see what skulduggery you have wrought!



1. In the film The Princess Bride, who is Westley's alter ego?

"The film? pssh, I read the book.
And no, I still can't remember the answer. It was something piratey. *hangs head in shame*" - sadasi

"My housemate and I just watched 'Ella Enchanted' with Cary Elwes as the oh-so camp villain King Edgar, and we nearly died laughing (literally) when he suddenly started doing swanky hand movements and ordering the hapless heroine to "shake her boooooty!". I can still feel the abdominal pain now." - fuunsaiki

"The Bithop! (oh. *not* altar ego?)" - themommage

"The Dread Ensign Crusher" - bodygardener, sarekofvulcan

"" - shino_hoshi

"Robin Hood.. who, unlike SOME Robin Hoods has a real british accent" - tarpo

"Westley has cleverly disguised himself as actor Cary Ewes. A wolf in sheep's clothing no doubt." - mcclintock

"The Dead Pirate Roberto, the world's first flamboyant zombie pirate." - fizrep

Correct answer: The Dread Pirate Roberts

"I would've said Indigo Montoya, but that was last week's theme." - david_deacon



2. What is the name for the nautical skull-and-crossbones flag?

"There is a non-nautical skull-and-crossbones flag? I can just see it. The pirate flag is flying over the monastery! I guess the pirate monks are in charge now." - judith_s

"Pirate flag? I dunno. They don't teach us this kind of stuff in school, especially not in Utah. Might give us ideas." - forceofhobbit

"The 'We PWN your ships, n00b!' flag." - vanbrosia
"I believe the official name is 'Eek! Pirates!'" - fireyirishangel
"Arrr, yer ship be fucked, matey." - whiski_sour

"Alas, poor Roger! I knew him, Horatio: a man of infinite Jolly." - gleefulfreak

(+1 for gratuitous Shakespeare. -C)

"I wonder why his name is Roger. Doesn't sound like too piratey a name, now does it? It's like a yuppie name. ..Ooh, maybe they killed a yuppie and that's HIS skull on the flag, and he's jolly because he's smiling a death's head grin and stuff. I bet that's it." - kokopellinelli

"What exactly is supposed to be jolly about a skull? I mean, I know it's grinning, but it's not like it has a choice about it..." - mrpyro

"The Jolly Roger, so named, according to some pirate historians, from the French Jolie Rouge, which means 'Pretty Red' and refers to the bloody fate awaiting those who crossed paths with pirates. (Notice how I deftly blended last week's theme with this week's? How's that for talent?)" - anonymisty

(Truly, you have a dizzying intellect. -AL)

"What most people don't know is that Jolly Roger's cousin, Jolly Rancher, died in a horrible accident involving many fruits. As was the custom at the time, they took his now fruit-flavored corpse and made it into candy, named after the deceased." - drachechan

"I've always thought a much better name for Jolly Ranchers was Gay Farmers, but then I met a gay farmer, and he really wasn't something I wanted to put in my mouth and suck on." - big_al81

"The Jolly Rogered. ...Oh, wait, that's the nickname the British Navy uses for the cabin boys. (I still regret ever researching the term 'peg-boy'.)" - marveen

(We will probably regret this, but ... what does "peg-boy" mean? -AL&CV&C)

"See, I never realised this before, but it explains all the jolly rogering in Pirates of the Carribbean slash fic. Thanks, LJDQ!" - whitetower

"The Jolly Mister Rogers. "Arrr, 'tis a beautiful day in me neighborhood, matey!" - arib
"You ever notice how Jolly Mr. Rogers was all the fricking time? Wonder if was all that changing of shoes and sweaters. I know it's kind of sick, but wouldn't it be funny some years down the road to exhume his body, and arrange his skull and bones so it looks like the Jolly Rogers flag?" - pheltzer

(You are going to Hell. -AL)

"Calista Flockheart." - chris1979

(And you. -AL)

"Mary Kate Olson." - _sphynx

(You too. -AL)

"That's the Poison Flag, innit? 'Do not drink this ship.'" - princesskraehe
"If flag is ingested, do not induce vomiting." - bodygardener
"It doubles as the 'Don't Drink This, Kids!' Label. Which would never really work, because pirates are cool, and that's why so many children die from drinking toxic household cleaning products. It's all a big marketing scam." - technoinfidel

(Maybe that's why krick and sweetpea86 are trying to support the alternate "Don't Drink This, Kids!" spokesperson, Mr. Yuck:
-AL)

(Some more detailed information from First Mate sporkninja:)

"Though quite a few pirates had rather different flags. Blackbeard's flag had a skeleton holding a hourglass in one hand and a spear in the other. (image provided by wolffepsyche, alliterator, and the_wanlorn -CV)Crossed swords indicated a willingness to fight, crossed bones a willingness to fight to the death. No quarter given, etc. Many pirates sailed under false colors or used a plain white flag to sucker passing ships into thinking they needed help and then BAM. Plunderification, bitches." - sporkninja

Correct answer: The Jolly Roger



3. What Gilbert and Sullivan operetta tells the story of the unfortunate Frederic and his courtship of Mabel, the Major-General's daughter?

"Oper what?" - ANONYMOUS

"Operetta? Is that like a mini-opera? It's really short? Or is it an opera with a midget cast? Can midgets sing opera? How about oompa-loompas? Oh! Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, opera style!" - fireyirishangel

"OMG. Gilbert and Sullivan rings a bell, but I'm two bells short of a cathedral and I can't remember! CRAP!" - vanbrosia

"You know, if she were just a minor-general's daughter there wouldn't be an operetta at all." - medias_res

(Not to mention quite a few legal ramifications... -CV)

"It was a stormy relationship. Kind of like Rita and Katrina." - dhud98

"Pirates' Booty Call" - drbear

"'Mabel' has always reminded me of cranberries." - weill

"Ice Pirates" - fmh

(An excellent selection. +1. -CV)

"All that I can think of is that Mabel was one of The Timbertoes in Highlights Magazine. I think Frederic was Gallant's secret lover." - alliesutherland

(+1 for soiling the purity of Highlights Magazine. -CV)

"Piratez of Penzanze... wait, too many Z's. Or... one can never have too many z's. Right?" - norwegianne

"It'd be Just Plain Weird™ if they'd written The Pirates Are Pedants. 'We're not givin' you none of the treasure, corsair scum!' - 'Arr, that be 'we're not giving you any'. Learn yer grammar, yarr.'" - active_apathy

"Is it bad that my only knowledge of that operetta is from the movie Kate and Leopold? I THINK it's called Pirates of Penzants. Or somethin. wtf is a Penzant?" - timba

(In answer to your first question, yes, it's real bad. In answer to your second question, *facepalm*. -CV)

"Is that the one Sideshow Bob sings in the Simpsons? It's got to be, 'cause it's the only showtune in my head with that 'Major General' thing in there." - darksidebitca

(Is there no end to the things that can be learned from The Simpsons? -AL)

(Apparently, there is. Because Sideshow Bob is actually singing 'HMS Pinafore' in that episode. darksidebitca is in good company though: also receiving -1 for not knowing Pirates from Pinafore are spritelydelight, akiyasan, technoinfidel, and drachechan. -C)

"This gave rise to the porn classic, The Pirates In My Pants." - deza
"Is it the one with the song that talks about tight shiny pants? Man, as if pirates didn't have enough problems with their manhood, what with the earrings and the parrots and the jaunty hats with huge feathers. Tight shiny pants. No wonder they killed people." - whiski_sour
"I have a gay friend who says he's the pirate of men's pants, which is funnier than anything in that play." - ginalin

"I once read that Yesterday was the song with the greatest number of covers; I wonder if the I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General is the song with the greatest number of filks or parodies." - silmaril

(Like these?)

"I am the very model of an LJDQ quiz-a-ling
I'll pull an answer from my ass to cover nearly anything
And if I know the answer ever
I'll still try for something clever
All a part of my endeavor
to get people gigg-l-ing." - peaseblossom03

"I am the very model of an answer to an LJ quiz!
I've equalled meter, beats and rhyme and proven that I am a whiz!
Although I am no Pirate nor of Penzance, which the opera is!
I am the very model of an answer to an LJ quiz!" - whitetower

"I am the very model of an ljdq answerer,
I answer every week while eating pudding flavored vanill...er,
I make up funny answers and for a +1 I always aim,
And best of all is when I'm quoted for a pun that's really lame!" - profsparky

"I am the very model of a modern know-it-all quizling
I've information about old movies and chocolate pudding
I know the Glasgow subway cars and way too many songs by Sting
And watch in awe as chaosvizier eats cute and fuzzy things
I know quite well the troubles and tribulations of zombie-ing
I understand why foreign countries sailed for to go conquering
And famous artists one and all from rock-and-roll to jazz and swing
In short, in everything from old movies to chocolate pudding
I am the very model of a modern know-it-all quizling!" - dreamoflight

(And sticking very, very close to the original ...)

"I am the very model of a modern quizling-general,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news ?
With many cheerful facts about pudding, gin and Syracuse." - m31andy

"Dammit... Now I'm singing about being the model of a modern Major-General." - elbiesee

Correct answer: The Pirates of Penzance

"I hate you LJDQ. After I saw this, I had to go out and buy the movie (Kevin Kline's hot as the Pirate King). The sales clerk made fun of my movie choice. So kids, please remember this before playing: LJDQ = public humiliation." - lyzz13



4. Edward Teach, captain of the ship Queen Anne’s Revenge, was better known by what nickname?

"The Dread Pirate LeChuck" - I'll give a positive shout-out to all you Monkey Island fans. Ah Lucasarts, how we miss you.

"Did you know Queen Anne was buried in a cubic coffin? Poor girl was a little on the short-and-plump side." - jonem

"this wasn't a sex themed quiz was it? I thought Queen Anne's revenge was between you and your physician." - sestree

"Some called him Montezuma's Revenge. Others called him Blackbutt." - dhud98

"Blackboard. But most children nowadays are more familiar with his successor Dry Erase Board." - miss_tress

"Blackbeard! Legend has it that after he got his head chopped off, his body lept overboard and swam three laps around the ship before finally dying. He's kind of like a big bloody bearded chicken that way." - gethsemane

(The original zombie pirate! -AL)

"Yes, bo'sun, I do dye my beard. With burnt hazelnut shells. I have had to for some years now. The name is not 'Salt-and-Pepper-Beard'. You tell anyone and I will send you on your way to Davy Jones' locker. Arr." - silmaril

"Blackbeard! And this is his house:
" - sporkninja

(I'm going to call shenanigans on you. This could be anyone's house. ANYONE'S. I bet you just walked down the street and took a picture of the house on the corner. -1, inconclusivity. -CV)

"Dude, I want a Blackbeard action figure, purely because of the description - 'great to purchase with Jesus and pit them against each other in a fight to the death'. Forget cavemen vs. astronauts, it's all about Blackbeard vs. Jesus!" - little_smaug

"Blackbeard. I can just imagine how he felt about that. 'Other pirates get names like Long John Silver or Calico Jack. I get...a police-report description.'" - barbarienne

"Blackbeard, and he often looted the coastline. However, his cousin Whitebeard just found things." - < lj user = drachechan>

Correct answer: Blackbeard

"not to be confused with Whitebeard or Roy G. Bivbeard from last week's puzzle." - csflick
"But with some creative styling, he could've been redbeard. Or plaidbeard." - thevioletangel



5. We know you all hate sports, but try to name at least one professional sports team that matches this week's theme.

"I'm sure there's one called the Penzance Dread Roger BlackBeards." - flickgc

"I was a Valdez High Buccaneer 6 years ago." - kokopellinelli

(Later, they became the Oilers. -CV)

"I'm sad Arrrrrrkansas doesn't have a pro team." - renee12321

"The Stadium Refreshment Vendors." - cmzero

"The 'New Orleans Looters'" - adderyn

"I'm from Britain - we don't do pirates. The football team that my sisters support are nicknamed The Toffeemen though." - jonem

"There's a football team called Chessington & Hook FC, which is sort of piratical. If you squint at it a bit." - flickgc

"When I was little, I thought that the 'Steelers' were people who steal things." - rikchik
"The Steelers? Because... pirates... steal stuff?" - little_smaug

(Right city, wrong team. But +0.5 for creative logic. -C)

"

They be the most feared cricket team on all the seven seas, arrr." - shino_hoshi

"If I had a sports team, it would be a hockey team from like Jamaica or something, and they'd be known as the Jamaica Ice Pirates." - nakedblueninja

"Orlando Pirates? [South African soccer team] Of course I prefer Orlando as a Pirate, but maybe that's just me." - sadasi

(I think it's very, VERY safe to say that that's not just you. -C)

"For me, nothing goes together better than hockey and Lousiana so I'll go with the defunct Lake Charles Ice Pirates. I wonder if it's hard to skate with a peg leg?" - miss_tress

"Where does a pirate captain keep his buccaneers? On the sides of his buckin' head!" - anonymisty
"The Milwaukee Bucks, short for Buck-an-ears." - drbear

"The Buccaneers! And the Raiders! Pirate Bowl!" - samuraimeg
"For those of you non-americans, [2003] featured the Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. the Oakland Raiders." - tzeentch

(ALWAYS a classic matchup. -AL)

"there's got to be at least one sports team somewhere in the world called 'The Pirates.' What I want to know is if there's also a sports team somewhere called 'The Ninjas.' Then we can make them fight and see who'll win. I also saw a book once called Vampirates. It'd be cool if there was a team called 'The Vampirates,' then we could make all three of them fight and see who wins." - warragul

"The New York Yankees - argh, matey, they plunder other teams for talent and lure them away with promises of filthy lucre and snazzy uniforms." - uncut_diamond

(Yeah, if you consider mafia pinstripes "snazzy". -CV)

"I would say the Raiders, but you *did* stipulate professional." - thepikey

"I don't hate all sports, but I do hate that my fair home of Pittsburgh is also the home of the 62-88, last place, 32 games back, sad sack and sorry Pirates of major league baseball. *weeps*" - dreamalynn

Correct answer: The Pittsburgh Pirates, the Oakland Raiders, or the Tampa Bay Buccaneers



6. If you were one of fifteen men on a dead man's chest with only one bottle of rum, what would you do?

"why is the rum gone?" - Too easy, everyone.

"The Macarana." - uncut_diamond

(Absolutely the wrong answer. -CV)

"The tango." - maggiebloome

(Much better. -CV)

"Pimp my yohoho." - ceemonster

"what happens on The Dead Man's Chest *stays* on The Dead Man's Chest." - jonem

"I'd jump off the dead man and shriek like the little girl I am, then pour the rum over my butt to sterilize it from sitting on teh dead dude. Oh, yeah, and I might cry, too. I wouldn't make a very good pirate." - wendynat

"just how big is the guy that he can fit 15 men on his chest? Did we kill Colossus or something?" - kokopellinelli, speaking for a great many of you. They're on his TREASURE chest, not his TORSO chest. Unless it was Andre the Giant and fifteen midgets from Time Bandits.

"that rum would go a alot farther if we made cocktails, instead of just swigging from the bottle like a bunch of uncouth monkeys, JEESUS PEOPLE!! ARE WE ANIMALS???" - sweetpea86

"Get 3 liters of Coke to make it go further." - ginalin

"I'd make pina coladas. The best way to make them is with Coco Lopez and dole's pineapple juice and a can of pineapples, Pineapple Ice cream, and crushed ice. None of that mix crap. Malibu or Parrot Bay Rum." - mcclintock

"Weep silently. I would need a therapist after that little bit of fun. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum... my ass!" - sexkittenb

"Speaking of rum, if you haven't heard of Big Black Dick Rum, you need to." - ihateusernames

"Offer the rum to chaosvizier and angledge." - herdivineshadow, deltashade

"'Right. What to do, if you is stranded with fourteen other men on a dead man's chest with only one bottle of rum.'
'What if he's got a pointed stick?'
'Shut up. Right, you there, you come at me with that bottle of rum. No, not like that, put some Yarrrrrrrr into it. That's right. First, you shoot the fourteen other men.'
'What if you don't have a gun?'
'What if they've got a pointed sticks?'
'SHUT UP! Then, you drink the rum, thus disarming them.'" - wingsister

(+1, Monty Python. -CV)

"I took a poll:
Kill everyone else and drink the rum yourself - 43%
Share the rum with everybody - 21%
How the hell can fifteen men get on one chest? - 21%
I prefer gin - 15%
People who answered "Where did the rum go?" - 100%
Of course, this was a poll of one (myself), so I don't know how accurate it is." - alliterator

"I'd pour it all over those bitches and have me a wrestlin' party. By the end, there'd be fourteen men IN the dead man's chest and me. Drunk." - whitetower

Correct Answer: "Flash my tits and grab the rum while the others were distracted." - samuraimeg, empressvesica

(Three out of three mods agree: tit-flashing is good. -AL&CV&C)


Aye, that be all, me hearties. Tune in next year when Talk Like A Pirate Day returns and we rack our brains to come up with exciting new pirate questions. Or maybe we won't. We'll see how much rum we've had at the time.

Again, special thanks to chlaal for helping out while angledge prepares for a long-term assignment in the deep dark reaches of the South.

And for those of you who insisted that this quiz be immediately followed by a ninja-themed quiz... fear not. Something special must happen first.

Rock on,

AL&CV&C

Comments

[charliesmum.livejournal.com]

Hey, lyzz13 That movie version of Pirates of Penzanze is the best ever, and Kevin Kline is awesome as the Pirate King. When I was in High School I had it on video tape and my best friend and I watched it all the time. We could, and still can, quote it. Er...did you get it on DVD? Because I'm so buying it if it is out on DVD.

[lyzz13.livejournal.com]

Sort of. A recorded version of the play, with most of the same people (but no Angela Lansbury), is on DVD. It looks like the movie was out on VHS, but is now out of print. Damned lack of demand. The store I bought this at was the booksstore I work at (pheer my l33t bookseller skillz), so my lovely humiliation was tripled.