LJ Daily Answers: 27 August 2004

[angledge.livejournal.com]

OK, this week's theme (hotels) came from the fact that there's absolutely nothing going on at the end of August. No holidays, no movie openings, not even much in the way of sports. The best thing to hope for is a vacation - but instead, some of us are packing up to return to college, some of us are finishing up dissertations & other schoolwork, & some are just doing the 9-to-5 workaday thing. It's a dull time of year.

"So when are we going to take LJDQ fun to Vegas? Lots of hotels in Vegas, just like this quiz." - sskipstress

(Tell you what. If we ever get 500 members, we'll have an LJDQ Meetup in Vegas. -AL)

1. Which celebrity's pet teacup Chihuahua, named Tinkerbell, was recently returned after the offer of a $5,000 reward?

"I erase from memory anybody who names their pet dog 'Tinkerbell'." - alyaat

"I don't care about celebrities unless they're porn stars. However, I can indeed imagine porn stars naming a chihuahua Tinkerbell." - thereject

"Marilyn Manson, that dude is evil" - matt_ledgerwood

"Schwartzenegger. He doesn't want the press to know about his Peter Pan fetish, though. So you should really keep it quiet." - doomgirl

"I think someone's been reading too much Peter Pan erotica." - sskipstress

(There's nothing wrong with pr0n that involves tiny glow-in-the-dark fairies. -CV)

"I read that as "pet teacup" and so my answer is The Mad Hatter." - evils

"Teacup Chihuahua... I'm having visions of the doormouse from the Mad Hatter's tea party. "Twinkle twinkle little bat, how I wonder where you're at..." - marasca

"Clint Eastwood. Or more properly, "CLINT EASTWOOD", in a sans-serif typeface, with an almost-non-existent letter-spacing between the first two letters. Oh yes, what a CLINT." - blu_matt

(This is what the LJDQ has come to. Jokes that depend on the correct font to work. -AL)

"Ask chaosvizier ... he watched The Simple Life religiously!" - ghostwriterxx

(GODDAMMIT I HATE THE SIMPLE LIFE SOOOOO MUCH!!! -3!!! - CV)

(-3!!! +1, baiting the other moderator. -AL)

"Isn't there something mildly appropriate about the fact Chihuahua has the 'ha, ha' bit in the middle? God played a cruel joke that day. 'So this one's a Labradour, this one is a Border Collie and this one, what really? You want me to name it? HAHAHA!' And thus another appropriate name is born." - spiffington

"That skinny blonde. Named for a city. Bags of money. Looks almost smart enough to try and pronounce the breed of her dog 'chee-hooua-hooua'. I could look it up, but that would require opening another browser window, which is more work than I'm willing to put into this answer." - beansidhe

(Well and good that you resisted the pull of the google browser, for lo, Yahweh spake unto us and wrote on a gin bottle, THOU SHALT NOT USE TEH INTARWEB FOR LJDQ ANSWERS. And I'm tellin' ya, don't piss off Yahweh. He gets cranky in the mornings. -CV)

"I'd like to order room service stay at that Hilton." - fizrep

Correct Answer: Paris Hilton

"I'm surprised she lost it. I was pretty sure that she was wearing the dog's asshole as a ring." - djdysfunction

"What is not widely publicized is that Tinkerbell actually ran away. She was found in Las Vegas, running with street dogs, going by the name 'Big Tina.' When told she would soon be returned to Hilton, Tinkerbell was heard to mutter, 'Crazy-ass bitch. If she dresses me up in that gold lamé number again, I'm biting off a big toe while she sleeps.'" - madkitty

"Can you make the TV people stop talking about her now?" - perkyczarlet

2. Name the movie:

"A lot of holes in the desert, and a lot of problems are buried in those holes. But you gotta do it right. I mean, you gotta have the hole already dug before you show up with a package in the trunk. Otherwise, you're talking about a half-hour to forty-five minutes worth of digging. And who knows who's gonna come along in that time? Pretty soon, you gotta dig a few more holes. You could be there all fuckin' night."

"Holes." - 8 of ya

"You want me to say 'Holes', right? But I'm too smart for you! I know that's not it! Of course, I don't have a clue what the real answer is, but that's beside the point! The point is, I outsmarted you! Plato, Socrates, Aristotle? Morons! Bwah hah hah hah...." - madkitty

(Clever cat, this one. -CV)

(1, The Princess Bride. -AL)

"Showgirls." - beansidhe

(Now that's just naughty. -CV)

"Comb the desert!" -fizrep

(+1, Spaceballs. -CV)

"Gotta be some stupid mobster type flick." - deinemuse

(Sure, if by "stupid" you mean "superawesome". -AL)

(Yeah. What she said. *quickly goes to Blockbuster to rent and watch Casino for the first time* -CV)

"Used to like mob-type movies when I was younger ... Casino was it?" - alyaat

Correct Answer: Casino

"Casino, you muddafucka, you." - djdysfunction

(This week's More Than Correct Answer/Profanity Award goes to djdysfunction. -AL)

"Casino, and that was Joe Pesci talking. He's the MAN" - thereject

"Joe Pesci is the meanest half-pint motherfucker around. He will kill you with your own ball-point pen. Got a phone? He'll crack your skull open with the receiver. And if there's nothing to pick up in the vicinity, he'll just bite your plums right there on the spot, and he doesn't even have to bend down to do it." - funkyplaid

3. Who are the two characters who always heckled Fozzie from the balcony on the Muppet Show?

"chaosvizer and angledge" - matt_ledgerwood

(Full credit for at least picking on both mods at the same time. -CV)

(We do sit up here in the Moderator's box seat & make fun of all you muppets. -AL)

"They should have called them Heckle and Jeckyl." - doomgirl
"Heckle and Jeckle" - chrysoberyl

(Is anyone here old enough to remember who Heckle and Jeckle are? Anyone? Anyone? -CV)

"Mutt and Jeff. They are the ones who picked on that poor poor bear. They yelled and screamed and ... I just can't bear to think about it. It's so tragic. I'm so depressed I can't even finish my bear claw danish." - dancingsaracen

"Waldorff and Statler. No, um, Waldorph and Salad. Stetson and Wal-Mart? Bob Dole and Dick Cheney? Am I even close?" - beansidhe

(Started warm, got progressively colder until you ended up with two dead corpses. -AL)

"Oh i know who you mean the annoying cranky old gits with no sense of compassion or courtesy ... Bush and Cheney innit?" - seolta

"Siskel and Ebert:

" - ghostwriterxx

(This is amazing. Completely wrong & completely right in the SAME ANSWER. ±1. -AL)

"I don't know their names, but the shorter guy reminds me of my Granddaddy Zipperer!" - hollyinpa

(Well, I sure am glad you did not inherit your granddaddy's moustache. -CV)

"Statler & Waldorf – except that time that Waldorf was out sick, and Statler was in the balcony with Waldorf’s wife. Of course she looked like Waldorf with a wig. Kermit asked what her name was. 'Astoria.' 'Figures,' says the frog. Woot! Muppet Show geek!" - crostfingers

Correct Answer: Statler and Waldorf

"-10 points to any Cornell alum that doesn't at least get Statler. -20 points if they actually attended the Hotel School." - b7cy

(Let's see, that's -10 to:
chrysoberyl
perkyczarlet
ladybugbutt
mshenzi
& me. 'Cause I didn't know until CV told me. -AL)

(LJDQ Fun Fact: the Statler Hotel is located on Cornell University's campus.)

"I think Jim Henson has something really wrong with him. What kind of freak would make up this world with all these muppets?" - deinemuse

(You didn't watch enough Sesame Street as a child, did you? -CV)

(WARNING: If you think making up Muppets is freakish, you might want to avert your eyes from the next answer. -AL)

"The world knows and loves them as Statler & Waldorf. But we dig deep into their murky pasts and in another shocking evils tabloid exclusive we reveal the terrible truth they hoped you’d never find out. Statler is the product of an illicit love affair between Jim Henson and Sam the American Eagle and was actually born a woman. We also reveal that Waldorf is his own father! How will America cope?





"Now see if you can remember the eagle's name." - thereject

(You challenge me to Muppet Trivia at Fifty Paces? Sam The American Eagle tells me to ask you what Gonzo's chicken girlfriend's name was. -CV)

4. Which rich & famous businesswoman/prison inmate was (un)affectionately nicknamed "the Queen of Mean"?

"I want to say Martha Stewart because she's such a bitch, but I don't think that's right." - thereject

"Martha Stewart." - tons of ya

(While Martha Stewart is the wrong answer, I really can't wait to see how she decorates an 8x10 cell using a shiv, a cafeteria tray, some license plates and a few orange jumpsuits. -CV)

"The first episode of SNL I ever saw featured her dancing topless. Put me off the show for months." - afterwards

(You have my sympathies. -CV)

"I bet she won't be sleepin' on 400 thread count sheets in the slammer" - hollyinpa

(Probably not. Prison sheets only come in two varieties: rough, and not so rough. -CV)

"If anyone is adept at salad-tossing, it would be her, and the guards had often taken out bets on how many times the dire call would float over the cell block – 'THAT'S a GOOD THING, isn't it, BITCH?'" - funkyplaid

"Michael Jackson." - ghostwriterxx, matt_ledgerwood

(He's not a queen yet. He's only just finished becoming white. Give the sistah a chance. -CV)

"When did RuPaul go to jail?" - doomgirl

"Wendy O. Williams:
" - deinemuse

(I'll grant that she could kick the ass out of almost any other suggested answer here. Reform School Girls demonstrates this adequately. -CV)

(Read CV's movie review here. - AL)

"Wasn't the Queen of Mean Leona Helmsley? By all rights it should be my step-mom, but she's not really that rich and the most famous thing she ever did was manage the soccer team in college. You might get a sore jaw from that, but it's unlikely to make you famous." - sskipstress

Correct Answer: Leona Helmsley

"Leona says 'This week's theme is hotels, but I'll be god damned what #2 is!'" - fizrep

5. Follow this recipe:

1 Granny Smith apple
2 red apples
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 cup diced celery
1 cup seedless grapes, halved
1/4 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup whipping cream
1/2 cup coarsely chopped toasted walnuts

Core and dice apples. Sprinkle with lemon juice.
Add celery and grapes to the apples and toss.
Combine mayonnaise and cream. Pour over apple mixture and toss to combine.
Refrigerate until serving time. It can be served right away or made a few hours in advance.
Just before serving add walnuts and toss to mix.

Now, what have you just made?

"Who am I, Martha Stewart? Oh, wait, wrong question sorry." - kairbare

(Wrong quiz entirely, actually. -AL)

"Pizza. I threw out the fetid crap that the recipe suggested and bought a pizza base, some lovely mozzarella and pineapple slices. Yum." - blu_matt

"The worlds worst pizza" - impulsezip

"I have just made a big ol' mess in the kitchen, but it's okay 'cause when I cook, my boyfriend does the dishes!!!" - pisica
"I didn't make it. That's what we have women for." - fizrep

(Ok, everyone, let's vote. pisica and fizrep, best couple ever? -CV)

"A big mess. I’m striding out of the smoking remains of my kitchen, crumbling masonry falling about me, lighting a cigar off the burning teapot cozy. Oh well. Didn’t like that countertop anyway." - crostfingers

(Clearly a subscriber to the Chaosvizier School Of The Culinary Arts. -CV)

"Celery and mayo? That's just nasty." - afterwards
"Something really nasty... mayonnaise and raisins? *shudder*" - krick
"'Oh gee honey, I'm not sure mayo by itself is quite lardy enough, shall we mix it with some cream?' 'What a great idea sweetie! I'll go get the ear trumpet so we can listen to our arteries harden'” - spiffington
"I don't care what it is. Put some pork in it and ask me again." - funkyplaid
"sounds like crunchy bukkake spoo to me." - sskipstress
"Celery? Mayonnaise? I'm going with 'Assy Apple Pie.'" - b7cy
"a grossly over lactosed pile of perfectly good fruit ruined with cow-juice and celery" - seolta

(It would appear that celery is not high on our quizzees' "Vegetables Of Choice" list... -CV)

"2 teaspoons rubbing alcohol
1 tablespoon water
1 cup Cocaine
2 teaspoons Baking Soda
1 Crack Pipe
1 Lighter or flametorch

Crack is usually made by mixing two parts of cocaine with one part baking soda in about a tablespoon of water. The solution is then heated gently until white precipitates form. Heating is halted when precipitation stops. The precipitate is filtered and retained. The precipitate may then be washed with water; this procedure is usually omitted in the street product. The product may then be dried for 24 hours under a heat-lamp. Crack is then cut or broken into small 'rocks' weighing a few tenths of a gram. Put into pipe and enjoy!

Now, what have you just made?

Crack! I once knew a crackwhore who blew herself up making crack ... just sayin" - ghostwriterxx

(Today's LJDQ Drug Awareness Message: If you're going to smoke crack, at least follow the directions correctly. - CV)

"I don’t know what you just made but I just made puddin, that or maybe cobbler" - matt_ledgerwood

Correct Answer: Waldorf Salad

"named after the hotel it tastes like" - verdandiweaves

"But add a pinch of Dill and you have a Dildorf Salad." - djdysfunction

6. If you owned a hotel, what would it be called, and what would be its selling point?

"It would be Nelson Unlimited and the selling point would be that children are NOT allowed. This would create a much quieter and more peaceful stay." - thinksheknowsya

(No kids allowed? We're totally there. -AL&CV)

"Le' Sause Inne! It is french. French me. Like french fries, only better." - ghostwriterxx

(Making a pun, +1. Using your own name in the pun, +1. Using French, moins un. Not using the word 'freedom', -22 electoral votes. -CV)

"Naked Lunch Motel: Whores and lots of them. (I know I got at least one of the QM's attention)" - dancingsaracen

(Poor predictable CV. Always chooses "whores". -AL)

(I hear AL makes a fine madam. She's big on the quality control. -CV)

"I’d have prostitutes." - crostfingrs

(Perhaps you'd like to meet up with dancingsaracen to discuss a partnership? -CV)

"It would be called the "Have Sex with Pamela Anderson Hotel" and the hook to bring in customers is that they would get to have sex with Pamela Anderson." - thereject

"The Eliza Dushku Hotel. The hotel where Eliza Dushku is waiting for you, naked. Except there's only one room. And it's always reserved for me. Yes, I know, Tru Calling was the worst show, ever, but I still love her." - b7cy

(I think the four of you need to get on this. And quickly too; I haven't got all year. -CV)

"If I owned a hotel I would have trampoline beds. And really high ceilings." - chrysoberyl

"I run the Fetish Arms Hotel in North London. Its a haven for sexually confused bank managers who like to dress up as babies and be breastfed by staff posing as nanny's. Manageress, Sandra Wankstein, would be happy to show you round the premises and let you have a free sample of the extra activities we have on offer. Mention ljdq when you book a weekend stay and you'll receive a free spanking and a half-price enema!" - evils

(LJDQ: Membership has its privileges! -AL)

"A while back, a few friends and I had this idea. See we realized that in the city, people have no 'lover's lanes.' There's no place for teens to go to get laid in the backseats of their cars. We developed an idea called the 'Park n Pork.' See, it's like your average parking garage, only there would be dividers in between the parking spaces. You pay, park, and pork. Not quite a hotel, but close enough." - djdysfunction

"'Widdershins' - Buxom wenches, tight britches, a fireside storyteller and frothy beer" - seolta

"The Bargewright Inn. It's a Wild West saloon, with cowboys and dust and busty 'hostesses' on the stairs waiting for the poker games to end. You can get a watered-down whiskey or ale that you have to strain through your mustache, and everyone gets handed a brace of six-shooters when they walk through the flappin' gates. Player piano against the wall, a token Injun glowering in the corner, and 'Strange Oriental Curios' sold from behind the bar. Fights are choreographed, two every night. Every customer gets to design their own Wanted poster and instead of pillows, you can rest your head on a tumbleweed of your choice. Now draw, pardner." - funkyplaid

"The Waldorf Ass-storia." - madkitty

"The Greens Bed and Breakfast. Selling point - all dishes served include broccoli and/or spinach. I am convinced there isn't enough of either of these in anyone's diet. I don't know how these veggies got such a bad rap, they're delicious." - kairbare

(It looks like celery isn't so hot on the agenda either. Better mix some of that in too. -CV)

(So you can go out of business just a little bit faster. -AL)

"It would be called Pisica's Hotel and there would be a kitten available for every guest" - pisica

(Excellent. So much tastier than those teensy little chocolate mints they leave on the pillows. -CV)

"The selling point would be the view: The Sydney Opera House, The Hanging Gardens of Babylon, Kracatoa erupting, Herds of wildebeests sweeping majestically, or at least the Sea. It would be called, of course, Watery Fowls." - impulsezip

(+1, Fawlty Towers. -CV)

*** EXTRA CREDIT QUESTION ****
A riddle! Three travelers arrive at a student hostel & are told that a three-person room costs $30.00 a night. They each pay their ten bucks & go to their room. After they've left, the cashier realizes he's overcharged them - the room only cost $25.00 a night. He walks back to their room to return the extra $5.00, but can't figure out how to split a fiver evenly three ways. So he keeps $2.00 for himself, & gives $1.00 back to each of the travelers. So, each traveler paid $9.00. Nine times three is $27.00, plus the $2.00 the cashier took equals $29.00. What happened to the last dollar?

"Damn you all. It is too early for this." - deinemuse

"You punks. You spend this whole quiz making me feel inadequate as a smartass and then spring a math word problem on me. I'm going home." - madkitty

"OH MY GOD!!!!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!! this is not possible.. my brain is melting...and what's worse.. i wont know the answer til next week... how am i gonna seduce any hunky Norsemen this weekend when all i can think about is stupid arithmetic riddles!!!" " - seolta

(I'm sure you'll have no problem seducing hunky Norsemen. Now, if you were going for the scrawny geeky Norsemen, yeah, they'd be put off by your clear lack of mathematical aptitude. -CV)

"why the hell are you wasting my time with Maths when I'm clearly a Humanities guy?" - funkyplaid

(It looks like "math" is not a very popular LJDQ category. -AL)

"maybe it just fell behind the dresser. I lost a dollar like that once." - beansidhe

"Wait a minute. Fuck 'em. Fuck'em right in the ear! If they can't do math especially when the fucking question is rigged from the get-go, they don't deserve the dollar. They don't deserve the dollar, and they don't deserve the whores at the Naked Lunch Motel." - dancingsaracen

"It was stolen by chaosvizier's Pen Gnomes" - marasca

"The cashier used it to rent a cheap crackho!" - ghostwriterxx

(Note: ghostwriterxx cannot be rented for a measly dollar. You'll need at least a fiver. -CV)

(*running for cover* -AL)

"In the real world, the travelers would've snuck into someone else's room that's already been paid for and spent all $30 on hookers and gin." - sskipstress

"Bad math is what happened to the last dollar. The pivotal point is the false statement 'each traveler paid $9.00'. That is incorrect. Each traveler actually paid one third of $25:

$25 / 3 = $8.3333 (repeating decimal)
plus the dollar that the cashier returned:
$1 + $8.3333 = $9.3333 per traveller
Then you can add the traveler's money to the $2 the cashier kept:
($9.3333 * 3) + $2 = $29.9999 (close enough for government work)" - krick

(All this math, it looks so formal and accurate ... and WRONG. -AL)

"Either add, add or subtract, subtract. Add, subtract and subtract, add just lead to imaginary money." - chrysoberyl

(Hey everyone, chrysoberyl works for an INVESTMENT COMPANY! Just think, she might be managing YOUR INVESTMENTS!! -AL)

"Thank fuck you don't program missiles. You don't program missiles, do you!?" - blu_matt

(Not professionally. -AL)

Correct Answer: There is no "last dollar"; the addition is incorrect, because the $2 in the cashier's pocket comes out of what the travelers paid, not in addition to it. So if they each paid $9, there's only $27 "in play" to begin with: $2 in the cashier's pocket, and $25 (the cost of the room) in the cash register. - afterwards

(Ok, we admit, this was just a trap to find a Geek Of The Week. Thank you, afterwards, for stepping up to the plate and taking -1 for the team. -AL&CV)

Good showing this week, everyone. We had 30 responses to this week's Quiz, a new record! And that was without us posting a Wednesday reminder. Speaking of those reminders, do you like them? Do you forget about the LJDQ when we don't send them? We're still ironing out the details on how to run this show, so let us know what you think. As always, new Quiz will be posted on Monday.

Rock on,

Ang & Hans.

Comments

[sskipstress.livejournal.com]

It's the glow in the dark fairies, man.