ljdq | LJ Daily Answers: 28 March 2011

chaosvizier.livejournal.com posting in

"I'm a little disappointed in all the dirty places LJDQ could have gone with this theme, yo. I'm even more disappointed in all the dirty places I didn't go with my answers." -

love2loveher

"Not to point any fingers or try to palm it off one anyone, but after I ran the digits and used the rule of thumb, I believe I finally came to grips with the theme of this weeks' quiz." -

mattwolf

It didn't really take long for this quiz to get out of hand.

1. What unit of measurement (equal to 101.6 mm) is primarily used to measure the height of horses and other equines?

"What's a cubit?" -

jmthane,

darthparadox

(+1, Bill Cosby. -CV)

"One radcliffe" -

cmzero,

spiralgirl1

(Correction: one NAKED radcliffe. -CV)

"Gigawatts. (Not Jiggawatts? Great Scott!)" -

wrestlingdog

"The coconut. There is still some argument over how it arrived." -

n5iln

(African Swallow. It would have gripped it by the husk. -CV)

"Seats. The more people fit on horse's back, the bigger it is." -

germankitty

"'Furlong' is the only horse racing term i know, so let's go with that." -

freezer818
"Furlong sounds appropriate. And somewhat dirty." -

vayshti

"Zebra penis" -

alfvaen

(I believe that would be something like this. -CV)

"I get it, question #1 must have been written by a guy. He took something that's 4 inches, and tried to make it sound a lot bigger..." -

love2loveher

"You know how you can have water with extra hydrogen molecules/deuterium isotopes and it's heavy water? So this is the heavy decimeter. Because measuring by decimeters is way too common for equestrians. But regular people who are not snooty enough to refer to themselves as equestrians probably just call them hands, although then I am not sure how this works out in a ranch setting, because that means a hand is either a person or an otherwise useless unit of measure, and probably the person one likes to thing of zirself as unuseless and also not a unit of measure. Wait, what were we talking about?" -

florahart

"Jewel would never be able to measure a horse correctly. Her hands are too small. I know this, because she wrote a song to let you know such an important piece of information." -

domestik_fucker

"It's hands, isn't it? We use feet, too, for people. Shouldn't that be 'hooves,' then? Wouldn't that make measuring ducks 'flippers' or something?" -

rhetoricians

(Which means that cephalopods would be measured in "tentacles". Now I'm wondering what unit would measure a snake. -CV)

"I'm not sure what's dumber - the fact that they measure horses in 'hands' or the fact that they only measure to their shoulders and the top of their ass ('withers'), rather than the top of their damn heads." -

etcet

(What's really dumb is that we don't use the word 'withers' to talk about people's asses. "Ooooh, she's got a hot set o'withers on her!" sounds perfectly awesome. -CV)

Correct Answer: A hand

2. In the fantasy series "The Wheel of Time", Matrim Cauthon becomes the leader of which military unit?

"TL; DR" -

sskipstress

(Full credit. -CV)

"The White Hand of Saruman" -

sethrak,

rikchik

"The Mod Squad" -

seferin

"The Browncoats" -

domestik_fucker

"S.H.I.E.L.D." -

kristinmachina

"SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAA" -

cold_clarity,

darthparadox

"Mossad" -

meloglas

"Hogan's Heroes" -

freezer818

"The Wheel of Morality calvary division" -

akiyasan

"The A Team. He replaced George Peppard in the third season." -

thepikey

"The Jazz Hands...they did these incredibly intricate dance numbers that really confused their enemies" -

tweeti

"The Kid Puncher Unit. No, seriously, that's all I hear about the Wheel Of Time series. That the heroes hit kids and think it's awesome." -

lots42

(Believe me, I wouldn't have stopped reading if there'd been more kid-punching. Or, you know, ANYTHING interesting. -CV)

"The One-Eyed, One-Horned, Riding Red Hand People Eaters. (If you have read the books, this is actually more clever than it appears ;))" -

vyseryn

(To be fair, even though I lost interest in the books, this is a remarkably clever answer. +1. -CV)

"The Hairy Palms" -

marasca
"The Rosy Palmer Brigade" -

mark_laura
"Band of the Red Hand. An accurate descriptor of all military groups in fantasy tomes when women are conspicuously absent." -

vayshti

"I don't dare start the Wheel of Time, as my friends have warned me severely away from reading anything past the first 2.5 books and I'm not sure I'd have the fortitude to stop." -

cougarfang

(It took me 7.1 books to stop. OH THE HUMANITY. -CV)

Correct Answer: The Band of the Red Hand

3. Fun with quotes! Name that film:
"What we've got here is failure to communicate."

"That sounds REALLY familar for some odd reason...was Denzel Washington in this movie?" -

sticky9fingers

(Well, ok, I should have worded it as "Name the first film to use this line:". It's been stolen a bunch, so maybe Denzel did say it. -CV)

"Wait, that's from a film? I just remember it from the Guns n Roses song." -

akiyasan and 7 others

"I don't think I've ever seen the movie, I've just heard

vulgarbarbarian say it a zillion times" -

marasca

(We all have, dear. We all have. -AL&CV)

"Y'know what's really sad? I cannot hear this without thinking of one of the Carmen Sandiego computer games, where there was this robot with a Groucho Marx voice that said this line. I'll just take my -1 and show myself out." -

wrestlingdog

"Every time I see that line, I imagine it being said by Foghorn Leghorn" -

indiana_j

"Two Deaf Guys With Their Hands Tied Behind Their Back" -

alfvaen

(The movie was close-captioned for the hearing impaired. -CV)

"The Miracle Worker" -

darthparadox,

angelprojekt,

drbear

(+1, thoroughly tasteless. -CV)

"Lost In Translation" -

wiredwizard

"Frequency" -

mark_laura

"McCoy to Spock, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home" -

jmthane

"Manos: The Hands of Fate. (The whole movie was one BIG failure to communicate.)" -

cmzero

"Tyler Perry's What Does It Even Matter What This Is About, I'll Keep Making Movies Anyway" -

bad_latin

"The Social Network" -

lots42

(What we've got there is Facebook's overwhelming success in communicating to every website you've ever visited. EVER. -CV)

"I'm mixing this line up with A few good men's 'You can't handle the truth' one which means I'll have creepy old pucker-face Nicholson sleazing out my dreams tonight. *shudder* Thanks LJDQ!" -

demon_666

(Give me the bat, Wendy. -CV)

"Cool Hand Luke Cage 2: Sweet Christmas, Power Man!" -

i_calql8

"Don't Use That Hand to Jerk Off, Luke." -

etcet

"the title makes no sense. 'Cool hand'? No one says that in the movies. It'd be, 'quick hand' or 'smooth hand'. You say the quick and the dead. Not the cool and the dead. What? he froze a bunch of people with his hands?" -

therhythmthief

(Sub-Zero wins. Flawless victory. Fatality. -CV)

Correct Answer: "Cool Hand Luke"

4. What novel describes life in a theocratic dictatorship called "The Republic of Gilead"?

"Recently? A People's History of the United States" -

seferin,

ionicaq,

blindgeoff,

ntlespino

"Taking bets on the number of 'Fox News' references now. I'm putting $10 on 'OVER 9000'." -

cougarfang

"Hands Across America" -

mark_laura

"the outcome of H.R. 3." -

neumeindil

"I'm torn between a 'Darmok at Tanagra' reference and a Gilgamesh reference. Therefore I'll say 'Flatland'." -

lbmango

(+1, ST:TNG. You too,

ifeedformula. -CV)

"Ray, If Someone Asks You If You're a Dictator, You Say 'Yes'!" -

i_calql8

"Narnia" -

wrestlingdog

"Going Balm-y" -

drbear

"La Balm-ba" -

bad_latin

"There is a Palm in Gilead." -

lisacharly

"'The Left Hand of Darkness', which sounds like it ought to be a good euphemism for mastu- er, being the Master of Her Domain, if you know what I mean, and I think you do." -

etumukutenyak

"You know, Gilead should be the term for a group of Gila monsters. Don't you think? Like flock/herd/school/covey." -

florahart

"it sounds more like one of the many millions of additional books Tolkein wrote to explain Lord of the Rings." -

spotsofcolour

"First I thought Theocratic meant being ruled by some guy named Theo, but then I realised Theo is Greek for god. Which then reminded me that I knew a kid called Theo when I was younger, but wouldn't it be a form of blasphemy to call your kid 'God'- aren't you just asking for God to smite him to punish your pride?" -

demon_666

"A theocratic dictatorship. Hmm, always knew that Cosby kid wasn't anything good!" -

akiyasan

(His dad was a comedian and he had three insane sisters. Of course he was going to turn out megalomaniacal. -CV)

"Handmaid In Manhattan" -

alfvaen

"I'm a doctor, not a handmaid!" -

holmes221b

Correct Answer: "The Handmaid's Tale"

5. According to the song "Particle Man", a being called Universe Man possesses an unusual watch. What three features of the watch are described in the song?

"Really, the only thing I can take away from this quiz is...Particle Man had actual Lyrics??? Huh." -

jennielf

(Number of references to Tiny Toon Adventures: many. -CV)
"Also, who else gets it confused with the old 'Spider Man' theme song?" -

kristinmachina

"So what they're saying is that we really should bet on Triangle Man, right?" -

n5iln

(Triangle Man is a bad motherf... -CV)
(SHUT YOUR MOUTH! -AL&LL)

"No idea, but I want a watch/clock like this:
God damn, but do I hate Prison O'Clock. -CV

" -

germankitty

"If he spends a lot of time staring at it, we've answered the question: who watches the watch, man?" -

darthparadox

"The hands, the face and err... the legs?" -

meloglas

(I hate it when my watches run away on those tiny little legs... -CV)

"It travels through space, time, and the city of Cardiff, Wales." -

sticky9fingers

"One hand in my pocket, and the other hands are playing the piano." -

florahart

(The hand that's in your pocket... what EXACTLY is it doing there? -CV)

"The Nina, the Pinta, and the Handa Maria" -

mark_laura

"It dispenses gin, pudding, and pornography on command. It's kind of like a hedonistic Sampo." -

mattwolf

"I dunno the third one, but I expect it (1) takes a licking and (2) keeps on ticking" -

bad_latin

"It stuck itself upon his wrist, its secrets that it hid. Now he's got super powers, he's no ordinary kid!" -

demon_666

(+1, Ben 10. -CV)

"A second hand, a minute hand, and a winning hand. ...Or is that Charlie Sheen's watch? It certainly isn't mine; I never have a winning hand." -

angelprojekt

"Keep it out of bright light, don't get it wet, and don't wind it after midnight" -

i_calql8

(+1, Gremlins. -CV)

"why does Universe Man need a watch? is he like a less-awesome not-so-omniscient version of Dr. Manhattan? if so, sucks to be him." -

cold_clarity

(He probably doesn't have a giant blue peen either. -CV)

"Yo mama's so big she's the size of the entire universe, man!" -

marasca

"Millennium hand and shrimp" - 5 of you

"A minute hand, a millennium hand, and an eon hand. It's Phanerozoic o'clock!" -

cmzero

(Time to make the dinos. -CV)

"Minute, Millennium, Neon - By your powers combined, they have a fight, Captain Planet LOSES, Universe Man (he is not ALWAYS kind to smaller man, despite TMBG's assertions)." -

etcet

(It doesn't count if he's beating up Captain Planet. -CV)

Correct Answer: A minute hand, a millennium hand, and an eon hand (thanks to vayshti for the video link)

"No hour hand though, so he'd get the right millenium down the the minute but be four hours late." -

spotsofcolour

"plus the fact that when they meet it's 'Happyland'." -

alfvaen,

squeegibo

(I like to think that's a bug, not a feature. -CV)

6. What's your preferred method of helping people out?

"Defenestration" -

rhetoricians

(Perhaps I should have been more specific. -CV)

"BOOT TO THE HEAD!" -

n5iln

"Google. It tells what to do" -

seferin

"HEY! YOU MISSED A SPOT!" -

domestik_fucker

"If you give a man a fire he's warm for a day, but if you set a man on fire he's warm for the rest of his life." -

rikchik
"Give a man a beer and he'll waste an afternoon... Teach a man to brew and he'll waste the rest of his life" -

blindgeoff

"Staying the hell out of their way so I can't be blamed when they fail." -

wiredwizard

"I work for a human services agency, so showing up to work!" -

ionicaq

(Theoretically that would be me too. I have my doubts. -CV)

"A slap upside their stupid fucking heads. Or a foot up their stupid fucking ass. It all depends which requires less effort at the time." -

flawed_karma

" Dude, if you fart in my ear I will kill you fucking dead. -CV

" -

spotsofcolour

"Kindly words of encouragement. Now granted, I have trouble accepting them back. They've been used and all." -

akiyasan

"I like to educate people in the proper use of punctuation marks. They often forget to thank me, but an appropriately-placed apostrophe is its own reward." -

angelprojekt

"Being a lawyer, I tell them all the ways they can sue their troubles away." -

cmzero

"Hugs and consolation. If that doesn't work, I throw chocolate at them. Totally foolproof." -

lisacharly

(Dear

lisacharly, I need help. Please feel free to use both your primary and backup plan. Thanks. PS - I like Cadbury's. -CV)

"I pass out handi-wipes whenever necessary; a great tradition passed on to me from my grandmother. Another one is spitting on my hand and smoothing down people's hair, although the reactions I get are usually unpleasant." -

athousandsmiles

"Running into any given room and screaming 'Soylent green is people!'. It's a public announcement! It helps!" -

indiana_j

"I donate blood every two months. I've also been known to provide other samples of my genetic material to the ladies, upon request." -

thepikey

"I do a lot of work with unwed mothers, helping them get their start." -

mark_laura

(I actually can't tell if you're being funny or serious. +1, just because. -CV)

"Wearing low cut shirts and saving some guys money they were planning to spend on porn." -

demon_666

Correct Answer: Anything that's actually, you know, helpful. That probably rules chaosvizier out of the equation entirely.

Well, we've handed you another quiz this fine March Monday. Now that that's out of our hands, we can go back to handling our normal tasks. Also, we're all handsome. Just because.

Thanks for playing; lots of new players this week. Welcome aboard! Hope you enjoyed! Tell all your friends about us, and let's get more people rolling out the funnies! And, most importantly, see you all next time, same bat-time, same bat-channel!

Rock On!

AL&CV&LL