ljdq | LJ Daily Answers: 18 May 2009

chaosvizier.livejournal.com posting in

Today is

lovellama's birthday! The bull theme has nothing to do with that; she is not bullish (aside from being Taurus). She is a delicate flower that should be loved and cherished always. Her husband paid me $50 to say that. Let's move along, shall we?

1. Daedalus built a prison near Knossos for which creature?

"Joan Rivers. Incredibly, she used her plastic face to dig her way out, and was last seen devouring the entire village of Minsk." -

tony101

"The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal" -

thepikey,

travellex

"The one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater" -

babybokal

"The Flying Spaghetti Monster" -

ntlespino

(Luckily some pirates busted him out a few centuries later. -CV)

"Number 6" -

freezer818

(+1, The Prisoner. Nice and old-school there. -CV)

"His Mother in law, which I think is a damned fine idea! Honey, do we have any Quikcrete?" -

mattwolf

"Sean Connery" -

darthparadox

(No, that was Alcatraz. -CV)

"He had to because the damn thing was his responsibility, on account of how he created the fake cow that Pasiphae climbed into in order to have sex with a bull. Why would he do something like that?" -

labellementeuse
"I'd have been more worried about his (its?) mother... THE HELL WAS SHE THINKING?" -

lucky_lyon
"Moral of that story, never let your horny wife near the horny livestock." -

ginalin
"i feel bad for the woman who was impaled during sex... actually...IMAGINE GIVING BIRTH TO HORNS. owww." -

eelylove

"My main problem with this story is that I have seen dried bull's penises and they are huge, bigger than those giant cucumbers, so how did she get a non-dried-bull's-penis into her hoo-ha?" -

demon_666

(Well, she was Greek. She probably practiced with goats out in the fields, and if there's anything I've learned from goatse.cx, it's that she was probably well-prepared. -CV)

"Mini-taur. He was soooo cute with his widdle horns" -

zihuatanejo

"Let the record show that Minos trapped Daedalus the supermastermind inventor on his island, simply so that no one would know the solution to his maze. Thus proving beyond the shadow of a doubt that Minos was a Cretan." -

falconpain

"The Minotaur, who was a Cretan, but with the head of a bull, was probably a cretin too." -

sciamachy

"The Knosstrich. And you thought it couldn't get any worse than the bull-sex." -

johnwwells

" SAY MY NAME, BITCH! -CV

" -

songquake

(You can only imagine the caption that goes with this. "Say it! Say it!" - "Ok, I give: you have a bigger penis. Now let go of my head-fuzz." -CV)

"You know, he could have just built a cage instead of a big fancy maze, and then spent more time working on some non-melting wings for his idiot kid. But then I suppose we wouldn't have David Bowie prancing around in stirrup pants, and that would be a shame." -

tears_of_nienna
"Oh god, Labyrinth. David Bowie's codpiece. Brain bleach. Why did I have to go there?" -

oleander_sky

"The Matador. Daedalus added the Minotaur later, for greater entertainment." -

iamza

Correct Answer: The minotaur

"I wonder what they did before the prison was built. 'Ignore the half-bull monstrosity.'" -

puredeadthingy

2. The lowest decks of a passenger ship, once used to hold passengers travelling on the cheapest fares, was called what?

"The Poop Deck! I know that's not the answer. I just wanted to say poop. As I'm sure many others will." -

buzz and, as expected, 19 others

"The bowels of the ship! Dark, smelly and unpleasant." -

coloursofdusk

(Well, it's kinda poop-ish... -CV)

"Ballast" -

seferin,

thepikey

"Keelhauling" -

seekingferret

"Pod Six. Jerks. " -

i_calql8

"Sharkbait" -

ntlespino

"The Morlock Level" -

freezer818

(+1 if you meant H.G.Wells' Morlocks. -1 if you meant the X-Men's Morlocks. -CV)

"Don't Open the Window Land." -

drbear

"Cattle class. They tried introducing cattle class onto airplanes, but the cows sued for false advertising when it turned out that none of the flights went over the moon." -

iamza

"Steerage. not to be mistaken for steer raves" -

faery_wing

"[The following people derive their knowledge from the film Titanic and should be suitably shamed.]" -

tears_of_nienna,

packbat,

ginalin,

david_deacon,

etumukutenyak,

rachelkachel,

babybokal,

uadlika,

tytaniastrange,

saphireseas,

billfl,

oleander_sky,

lucky_lyon,

mathnerd

Correct Answer: Steerage

3. Who was Paul Bunyan's azure companion?

"You know, you're allowed to say 'blue'." -

packbat,

etumukutenyak

(True, but "azure" is worth more points on a Scrabble board. And that's what counts. -CV)

"Babe the talking pig" -

psywildfire

"Great, now those of us with wives/girlfriends/mistresses who read LJDQ won't let us call them 'Babe' anymore!" -

blindgeoff

"Babe the Red Sox" -

darthparadox

"The Blue Men Group" -

sciamachy

"Lumberjack Smurf" -

i_calql8,

freezer818

"Dr. Manhattan" -

tears_of_nienna,

johnwwells,

labellementeuse

(He cut down trees with his ENORMOUS BLUE WANG. -CV)

"Mystique! Lucky bastard. I'd do her in a Kentucky Fried minute." -

reticent_lass,

mattwolf

"The Jolly Green Giant. (He got burned pretty badly by the sun). (We try not to talk about it)." -

iamza

(Red and green make... blue? That doesn't sound quite right... -CV)

"Is Paul Bunyan secretly Sonny Bono? He can sing 'I Got You Babe'!" -

wrestlingdog,

umbralcorax

"Wasn't it an ox? Oxen always make me think of Oregon Trail. I spent so much money on those animals. I'd always get like, ten of them. That way I could do away with about four of them and I'd still be okay. I was a master at that game." -

shinga

(They don't often tell the story about Paul getting all drunk one night and swinging a little too carelessly with his axe and Babe waking up having gone from steer to ok in one fell swoop. -CV)

"Rhapsody in Blue Ox" -

seekingferret

" Rocky Mountain Oysters Au Bleu, coming right up! -CV

" -

jigawattica

"After I read that story to my son, my husband said 'hey babe, where are the grocery bags.' My kid laughed like a loon." -

judith_s

"so let's see if I have this right, Johnny Appleseed planted all the trees and Paul Bunyan ran around cutting them down? is that the deal?" -

jenny_1981

"I grew up on a dairy farm and I can attest that enough laundry bluing will in fact turn cows blue. It takes a hell of a lot though." -

raphsody606

"I never saw a bright blue ox, I never hope to see one/But from the colour of this milk, I know that there must be one." -

distaff_exile

(Erm, you know Babe was a male ox, and that ain't milk… - LL)

"I never saw a purple cow, I never hope to see one. But I can tell you anyhow- I'd rather see than be one!" -

cotume

(So you're against purple cows? Is that it? Are you a bigot? Judging cows by the color of their leather? You should be ashamed. -CV)

"He wasn't actually blue, just really, really cold. Put that puppy in an oven for a few hours and see how blue he is. He'd be brown (and delicious.)" -

freezerjerky

"Babe the Blue Ox, not to be confused with the 20th Century legend, Babe the Pinstriped Ox." -

ntlespino

Correct Answer: Babe the Blue Ox

"Also known as 'Ol' Blue-Balls'" -

tony101,

etcet,

zihuatanejo

4. What is the most formal type of letter, often affixed with a metal seal, issued by a pope?

" For those about to rock, we shall bless you! -CV

" -

kristinmachina

"I'd have to say T, since both Tuxedo and Tie wouldn't be the same without it. (S, though, is a complete slob, which is why sometimes the metal seals are missing)." -

iamza

"The answers to his weekly advice column, Pontiffications." -

johnwwells

"The Letter of Bludgeoning, with a +5 against the undead." -

pirho_maniac

(Friggin' Clerics. -CV)

"I just pictured the Pope wielding a seal--the animal kind--made out of metal. A robo-seal. With lasers. Except it looked like Seel and was therefore the cutest and least mobile deathbot ever." -

shallowesque

"On a not entirely unrelated note, the tissue used by the Pope after relieving his bowels is called 'toilet papal.'" -

mistyraven

"A stern letter, usually of disapproval. Yo, no more skeet on the Shroud of Turin, guys." -

anticarnation1

"A Doctorate of Popeology from UVC" -

wiredwizard

"Mother Superior, I like you. Do you like me? <> Yes? <> NO?" -

fmh

"Does Pope Palpatine even need to write letters? Can't he just force choke a bitch?" -

prettylily

"'An offer he can't refuse'" -

thepikey

"Pope Benedict has tagged you in an encyclical" -

cotume

"Lies My Pontiff Told Me, now with fewer condoms and more AIDS" -

judith_s

"A Dear John XX." -

la_trombonista,

seekingferret,

jigawattica

"Pope: Kneel down and kiss my papal bull ring...
Me: Ew... You're against condoms, but you're 'up' for genital piercing" -

demon_666

"WTF? I'm Methodist, how the heck should I know?" -

freezerjerky

(Represent! Wait, I'm still agnostic. Dam- darn it – LL)

"Anything to do with the pope confuses me. For example, I often accidentally refer to United Colors of Benetton as United Colors of Benediction and I seriously thought Father Dowling was the perfect representation of a Catholic priest until I was 15 or 16." -

its_what_we_are

"The letter Q. Q has always prided itself on being the most formal letter of the alphabet. So formal in fact, that it demanded, and got, the right to be followed at almost all times by the letter 'u'." -

umbralcorax

"A Papal Bullshit" - 22 of you

"

" -

songquake

"Bull itself comes from Latin bulla, 'round thing, knob' (for the seal)" -

rachelkachel

(Huh huh, you said "knob", huh huh. -CV)

Correct Answer: A papal bull

"which of course could now be criticized as sexist because everyone would giggle if you called it a 'papal cow' or 'papal heifer'." -

faery_wing

5. Max von Sydow played which character in the movie "Dune"?

"THERE WERE LIKE EIGHT OF THEM, GIMME A BREAK." -

reticent_lass

(Eight what? Max von Sydows? Characters? Dunes? -CV)

"The old priest or the young priest. I can't remember." -

jkabley

(The old priest, and +1 for The Exorcist. -CV)

"Jesus, I don't know - that movie sucked. All I can remember is Sting getting pus siphoned out of him - what the hell is wrong with people?!" -

tony101

"eh, who cares. Patrick Stewart is in it and everyone knows that Captian Picard trumps all." -

faery_wing

(Wait, what? He is? Hubby, do we have Dune? No? Dammit!! – LL)
(You are a bad Star Trek fan for not recognizing Patrick Stewart as Gurney Halleck. -CV)

"I bet the Harkonnen's had a Minotaur. It's the type of thing they'd have." -

cube_166

(Can't argue with that... -CV)

"A friend of mine convinced me to watch Dune a few years ago. Couldn't believe I'd never seen it. But she neglected to tell me that Sting was in it. And that, in one scene, his entire costume consisted of Light-Speed Briefs with some sassy black nylons. And then she found a promotional picture from that scene, printed it out, and taped it to my computer monitor at work. After that, the story gets a little complicated, but just know that about every five to eight months when I'm cleaning I'll stumble across that picture wherever I left it the last time and laugh long and hard enough for people to wonder if they need to call the nice young men in their clean white coats." -

schizospider, who with 15 others reminded us that Sting is, indeed, everywhere

(And, for those of you who don't recognize the incredibleness of Sting's wardrobe in that movie...)

" There is absolutely nothing I can say that can make this picture more funny. Or more horrifying. Either. -CV

There is absolutely nothing I can say that can make this picture more funny. Or more horrifying. Either. -CV

" -

germankitty

"Max von Sydow was in 'Dune' with Sting who was in 'Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels' with Dexter Fletcher who was in 'The Man Who Knew Too Little' with Bill Murray who was in 'Wild Things' with Kevin Bacon. Though, this being the LJDQ, you could just stop with 'was in 'Dune' with Sting'." -

nighthellcat

" This version of Dune seems much more cute and fuzzy... -CV

" -

darthparadox

"Max von Sydow has only ever played two roles: Ming the Merciless, and Leland Gaunt, for whom Stephen King wrote possibly the best line of porn dialogue, ever. 'Blow me. Fellate me. Open up that gorgeous, metal-filled mouth of yours and gobble my crank.... Oh, nevermind. Oral sex always gives me amnesia.' Which come to think of it, sounds like most of my sessions with your mother." -

etcet

"My brain hates me. As soon as I read that question, my first thought was 'the spice must flow'. Then my brain decided to conjure the phrase 'spice spice baby' repeatedly in my head." -

umbralcorax

"Is that a sandworm in your pocket or are you just spiced to see me?" -

uadlika

(That gives a whole new meaning to the term "spice blow". -CV)

"Send in that floating fat man!" -

david_deacon

(And that is the line of the film right there. -CV)

"According to my mother his name is 'Oh, crap, I know it, give me a minute, I totally have this, no really on the tip of my tongue' Sounds kind of funny to me, but maybe it's a common name on that planet?" -

_datenshi_

Correct Answer: Dr. Liet Kynes

6. What, if anything, makes you stubborn?

People saying "Do this!/Don't do that!" - 9
People saying "It can't be done!" - 4
Stupid people - 16
"I'm not stubborn, dammit!" - 8

"Nothing makes me stubborn. I was born stubborn, as my mother is happy to tell everyone." -

mercuryblue144

"Not getting my two dollars." -

buzz

(+1, Better Off Dead – LL)

"I am out stubborned by my dog." -

travellex

"When I know I'm right, and the rest of the world is being stupid. Or, as my wife would say, 'Rarely'." -

tony101

"Morning wood is the single greatest source of single-mindedness." -

thepikey

(That's not really stubborn. More like a stub. -CV)

"I don't have stubburn. I shave regularly." -

seferin

"Aunt Flo" -

prettylily

"I have a robotic baby sitting on my bed and I am bound and determined to make it to tomorrow without swiping a magnet over it, dissecting it, or putting it in the microwave. Failing grades are an amazing motivator." -

reticent_lass

"I'm going to guess genetics, since I get stubborn with just about anything and anyone and have ever since birth. Hell even BEFORE then. The doctors were all 'hey, time to come out' and I was like 'uh fuck you, I'm staying in here' and they were all 'you have to' and I said, 'FINE, I'm wrapping this cord here around my neck, what NOW bitches'.... that didn't go as well for me as I thought it would. In my defense I was a fetus and didn't really know any better." -

shinga

"I absolutely REFUSE to give up this damned quiz until I get sextuple quotage!" -

blindgeoff

(Huh huh, you said sex. -CV)

"I'm not stubborn, but my mother is, especially when it comes to the yearly figure skating recital. For example, one year she decided to create a light parade float for my sister to use in her Mickey Mouse number. She decided to make a mushroom. It turned out looking like a giant penis but no amount of cajoling would get mom to abandon it because it was a MUSHROOM and we were WRONG. So my sister got to dress up as an ice-skating Mickey Mouse and pop out of a giant, glowing penis. It took about three years before Mom finally facepalmed over that one. If that's not stubborn, I don't know what is." -

tytaniastrange

"Video games. You ever hear a grown man yelling at pixels on a screen? If not, come over to my place and watch me play CoD4 on the hardest difficulty. You'll hear it then." -

umbralcorax
"I have nothing on my husband, who can be the most stubborn person ever! I mean have you ever seen a grown man curse and yell at a video game when the character he is controlling doesn't do what he tells it to?" -

jigawattica

(It's a cute couple that can agree on things. -AL)
(It's ok,

umbralcorax, you're not alone.

shallowesque,

rikchik,

darthparadox, and

freezer818 are raging at pixels too. -CV)

"The chief thing that makes me stubborn is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... The *two* things that make me stubborn are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... The *three* things that make me stubborn are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... The *four*...no... *Amongst* the things.... Amongst the things...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again." -

mathnerd

"Shorter list: What doesn't.
Kittens.
And really nice yarn.
Until the two unite. (And I have to untie.)" -

schizospider

Correct Answer: "I'm a Taurus." - ginalin, anticarnation1, and of course our very own chaosvizier and lovellama. Half credit to watersusurrus for being born in the Chinese Year of the Ox.

And there you have it- all the funny, none of the bullcrap. Except when we're making up bullcrap. Which happens a lot. So I guess it's all funny all bullcrap. Funcrap? Bunny? It is a delicious mystery.

Thanks again to everyone for playing; we saw quite a few new players and delurkers this round. This is good. Play again! Share the fun and the magic and all those other cool things. It's good for you. Tell everyone! We're full of vitamins and minerals! Except me. I'm full of ginerals.

Rock On!

AL&CV&LL&TL

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From:

japeningrish.livejournal.com

"I never saw a purple cow, I never hope to see one. But I can tell you anyhow- I'd rather see than be one!" - [info]cotume

"Ah, yes, I wrote the Purple Cow/I'm sorry now I wrote it/But I can tell you anyhow/I'll kill you if you quote it!"