ljdq | LJ Daily Answers: 13 April 2009

chaosvizier.livejournal.com posting in

"I learnt an important lesson last night: although made from wheat, beer is not a substitute for food. Even if the restaurant's service is absurdly slow." -

lins_arosa

Beer! It's like liquid bread!

"Finally! A quiz theme I can really sink my teeth into. Er, umm, get my mouth around. Well, I mean, you know, I know jack about this subject. Onto the answers, forthwith!" -

stagemanager

1. Whose is the largest signature on the Declaration of Independence?

"Will Smith" - 5 of you

"Ron Jeremy" -

conjure_lass

"Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson" -

wiredwizard

"John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt." -

timba,

johnwwells

"SAMUEL MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON" -

simplydivine

(Who, at that time, had had it with those motherfucking Brits in our motherfucking colonies. -CV)

"Dr. Snellen, the same guy who also wrote those ginormous E's on the top line of eye charts." -

i_calql8

"George W Bush. The Secret Service left him alone for 15 seconds and he had a crayon in his pocket." -

lbeth

"Helen Keller's. Because when she misbehaved, her mother rearranged the truths she believed to be self-evident." -

captainsblog

"Now I'm just thinking of the entirity of Congress being like Sharpay from High School Musical. 'Nice penmanship.'" -

puredeadthingy

"IT WAS THIS ONE WHAT IS WRITTEN IN ZOMG CAPSLOCK!!11eleventy! " -

yayworthy

"The great big 'Screw You, Your Majesty' signed by a drunk Ben Franklin on the back side." -

zihuatanejo

"Did you know that the first lines of the Declaration of Independence were actually written by a mouse named Amos? I learned that from Disney." -

babybokal

(There's a reason we shouldn't be taking our learning from old Walt's film collection. -CV)

"John Hand-cock. The other signatories wondered why his was so big, but he never told them that he practices every night and he received help from the King of Nairobi who wrote to him everyday about how to make it look bigger. That is, to say, Nairobian kinds sure knew how to use a pen. " -

7dragon_zodiac

"If John Hancock's school had those 'Class of' t-shirts, I bet he would've been one of those guys that tried to figure out where to sign so his name would be across some girl's boobies." -

sskipstress

"John Hancock, the showoff. The best part though is to look at all the other signatures, and determine who didn't really want to sign but was doing so because of peer pressure. Stephen Hopkins I'm looking at you. That's a damned shaky signature." -

uadlika

"JOHN! HANCOCK! A ham if ever there was one. He and Brian Blessed should have some sort of timeline-encompassing contest." -

many_from_one

"The real reason Hancock's signature was so large was that Hancock was actually 23 feet tall, and merely signed in his normal fashion." -

rayluxuryacht

Correct Answer: John Hancock

2. Who sang "Up Where We Belong" for the soundtrack to "An Officer and a Gentleman"?

"That sounds suspiciously like a chick flick. See, they put the 'officer' part to trick guys into thinking it's a war movie, but the 'gentleman' part proves it's a chick flick. Also, the 'starring Richard Gere' part. I find that staying away from Richard Gere movies makes me a happier man." -

seekingferret

"The Chimpmunks." -

uncut_diamond

(I can't tell if that's deliberate or just an awesome typo. +1. -CV)

"Was that not Bette Midler..." -

clarface

(No, she sang that other lameass inspirational song. -CV)

"Richard Sharpe." -

morgana006

(Different officer. But nice reference for good old Boromir. +1. -CV)

"Barbara Streisand, who also starred with Richard Gere in the Jewish version, 'An Officer and a Yentlman.'" -

i_calql8

"I always associate that song with the theme for 'Perfect Strangers.'" -

lbeth

"'Up Where We Belong' sounds like a kama sutra position. Or the pleading of some freak who likes to make love in trees." -

ifeedformula

"You have the nerve to reference 'Up Where We Belong' in a quiz about cock?" -

david_deacon

(It's all part of our Emasculation Proclamation. -CV)

"Probably the same person who wrote Colors of the Wind from Pocahontas. Every Thanksgiving, my middle school principal would sing that song over the loudspeaker and talk about squirrels. I do not miss middle school in the least." -

____absolution

(Thanks for reminding us that we had graduated college before that movie even came out. -1. -CV&AL&LL)

"Going with the theme, the only singer that comes to mind is Herbie Hancock, and I really don't think it was him." -

cjtremlett

"I didn't Courtney Cox could sing. Wow." -

ntlespino

"A search of my mental musician database came up with John Cochran. Then I remembered it's John Coltrane, and Cochran was the lawyer in the OJ trial... yeah, I got nothing." -

alkion04

"Jesus, after ascending to Heaven. 'Finally, I'm away from all those Daddamned idiots on Earth!'" -

delordra

"Just what IS wrong with Joe Cocker anyway? How many times do you have to gargle with sand to sound like that? Inquiring minds want to know." -

ginalin

"Joe Cocker. Oh, and Jennifer Warnes, who also sang the female half of "I've Had the Time of My Life." The '80s would've been nothing without her singing cheesy soundtrack songs." -

noelleleithe

Correct Answer: Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes

"not to be confused with Joe Cocker-Spaniel who sang that song about 'love lifts your leg up to go pee...'" -

mendeia

3. According to a traditional Mexican folk song, what creature cannot walk because it is missing its two back feet (and possibly some weed)?

"La chupacabra" - 19 of you
"Cheech Marin" - 8 of you

"Chupacoptapus!" -

marasca

(Ages hence, when

fizrep and I were drunk, we had an earnest discussion on how to improve creatures by combining their features. He said that you could combine a chupacabra with an octopus to have a tentacled aquatic goat-sucker, which I promptly (and drunkenly) named "Chupacoptapus", and then we laughed until we passed out. -CV)

"Willie Nelson" -

adalger,

spatialrift47

"The guy who went duck hunting with Dick Cheney." -

uncut_diamond

"'La Bamba' was about cock? Richie Valens, you naughty boy, secretly corrupting young minds with your rock and roll!" -

kristinmachina

"A piñata - especially if I've been after it. Mmmm candy. Mmmm weed." -

vayshti

(I never got one of those weed-filled piñatas before... -CV)

"The Spanish Fly, who likes to hang out with the Brass Monkey if the Beastie Boys are to be believed." -

mattwolf

(+1, Beastie Boys – LL)

"*crunch* I'm sorry, was that your Auntie?" -

mrbankies

(+1, Men In Black. -CV)

"Traditional Mexicans read Kafka?" -

cholma

"Does he sing 'All I Want for Christmas is my Two Back Feet?'" -

wrestlingdog

"Is this one of those heartwarming songs about the poor creature without back feet who discovers that he had the ability to walk inside him all the time after smoking some weed?" -

delordra

"Must... avoid... Stephen... Hawking... joke... But I can just picture that robotic voice insisting, 'It's. for. the. pain. I. swear,' when confronted with the dime bag stashed in his chair. I am totally going to hell." -

seekingferret

"now I'm imagining the little cockroach in Wall.E high on dope. Way to spoil some quality children's viewing!" -

demon_666

"I actually learned this song, complete with translated lyrics, BEFORE the War on Drugs began- proving that (a) wars against cockroaches, (b) wars against drugs, and (c) land wars in Asia simply cannot be won." -

captainsblog

"This song in DDR makes me laugh too hard to play it. That and Witch Doctor. It's kind of hard to do it up to 'Oo ee, oo ah ah, ting tang, walla walla bing bang'." -

oleander_sky

"Cockroaches can fly!? How is that fair? When I first saw one fly, I screamed like a little girl." -

cjtremlett

"in reality the loss of two legs barely slows the little mofos down. Which reminds me, I need to wash the dishes." -

laughingacademy

Correct Answer: La cucaracha (The cockroach)

4. Who wrote a series of stories about an albino named Elric and his sword Stormbringer?

"'Stormbringer' sounds too sexually inappropriate, even for this quiz." -

lostfox555

(It was more of a light drizzle, really. -CV)

"OMG, that needs to be made into a really bad Scifi channel movie!" -

ginalin

(Bite your tongue. Even though it's probably already in the works. -CV)

"Hmmmm... let's see, sounds like somebody took a genre and ripped everything good away from it. Must be Kevin J. Anderson." -

zihuatanejo

(Actually, this is back whent he genre was still developing. Go figure. -CV)

"Elric is a seriously stupid name. Elric. It almost sounds Latino. 'I am the El Rick! I have a STORMBRINGER between my legs..it will bring you storms..of ecstasy!'" -

ifeedformula

"Oh thank God, one I don't know! I thought I was going to have to slink off in embarrassment, my reputation (such as it is) in shreds, because I knew the answers to all the cock questions." -

noelleleithe
"You've stumped me. I've been cold-cocked by a question on the LJDQ!" -

stagemanager

"You know the main character is probably not that cool when his sword has a much more kickass name than he does." -

kaitimae

"Good thing the albino can bring the storms, since that would drastically reduce his risk of sunburn and therefore skin cancer. Although - fun fact! - albinos can't get melanoma, only other types of skin cancer." -

delordra

"'Where did we leave that wheelbarrow the albino had?' 'Over by the albino, I think.'" -

angelprojekt,

cholma,

babybokal

(+1, The Princess Bride. -CV&LL)

"David Coverdale before he renamed his sword Whitesnake" -

anticarnation1

"This gives all new meaning to Michael Moore's 'Supersize Me.'" -

captainsblog

"Agnes Moorehead" -

david_deacon

"L. Rick Hubbard" -

i_calql8

"Biggus Dickus" -

freezer818

(+1, The Life Of Brian. -CV)

"Thunder...thunder...thunder...oh, wrong sword." -

kristinmachina

(Next time try "By the power of Greyskull!", like

alejandradd. -CV)

"I'm trying to picture the LJDQ version of this. With a sardonic grin, thepikey shouted, 'Gin and pudding for my lord chaosvizier!'" -

thepikey

(Well, they are tastier than blood and souls, at least. -CV)

(-3 for not including us – AL&LL&TL)

"Hey, is this a double whammy -- having 'cock' in the author's name and 'bone' in the protagonist's full name?" -

germankitty

(I think it's pronounced bo-NAY. But yes, it sure does look like "bone". Huh huh, bone. -CV)

"Michael Moorecock. Now if that's not a name meant for porn, I'm not sure what is." -

copperpixie,

lbeth

"Michael Moorcock. Who is simply way too easy to make fun of. The guy wrote an essay called 'Epic Pooh!'" -

seekingferret

(Sorry, the poop quiz will have to wait. -CV)

Correct Answer: Michael Moorcock

"hahahaha you said more cock! well technically I said it, but we all know who the twisted one is in this relationship." -

b_hulsmans

5. What is the capital of Thailand?

("One Night In Bangkok" references: 32. I've never actually heard this song before. Or this musical. Feh, culture. -CV)

(On the other hand, we sure didn't expect 5 "T" answers. Oh no siree bob... -CV)

"Take a shot for every bad Bangkok joke!" -

domestik_fucker

(No thanks; we don't want to get alcohol poisoning from 16 straight shots. -LL&CV)

"I remember that game from the playground" -

zihuatanejo

(...there was a game where you banged other folks' cocks? Man, I'm glad I skipped recess so often... -CV)

"Thailandtis" -

wiredwizard

"The only thing I know about Thailand it's that it's illegal to bring Durian fruit into public places." -

puredeadthingy

(That should be a global law. -CV)

"Et City. They cheer it on all the time: 'Et City, rah, Et City, rah, Et City, rah!'" -

johnwwells

"Bhangbhangduc" -

rissaofthesaiya

"The Red Light District" -

la_trombonista

"About 15 bucks" -

rayluxuryacht

"What happens in Bangkok, stays in Bangkok - except the syphilis. Syphilis travels well." -

delordra

"Bangkok. Right next to Smackvagina." -

orgdotnews

"Guys go to Phuket, girls go to Bangkok!" -

demon_666. Ten others believed in Phuket too.

"Dear Chaosvizier. Thank you for making it even -harder- (pun NOT intended) to see Thailand (which is not pronounced 'Thigh Land') in a serious light as a tourist country by making me recall that its capital is 'Bangkok', after watching the last episode of The Amazing Race, where the racers went to 'Phuket', Thailand, which is thankfully pronounced 'Foo-Kett' (as in 'fool' and 'kettle')." -

traveller_blues

"Krung Thep, which is short for something like 'Most awesome holy city on the golden hill near the shining ocean, where the palaces are made of shiny shiny sparkles and the angels (does Buddhism have angels?) sing in a harmonious manner bringing peace and joy to the inhabitants, home of the magnificent King of Thailand.' But non-Thais call it Bangkok, because we have one track minds." -

marasca
"or, as they say south of the border, Los Angeles." -

howeird

Correct Answer: Krung Thep Maha Nakhon (and about thirty more words), commonly referred to as Bangkok

6. How's it hanging?

"NO. I REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE IN YOUR PORN!! ATTICA, ATTICA!" -

oldstarnewshine

"The first whose 'theme' I actually get in, well, ever, and it's all about penis. I hate you, LJDQ. I hate you soo much." -

lots42

"I have to admit, I actually have no idea what the origin of the phrase 'how's it hanging' is, beyond the obvious. I mean, at least in my experience, the relative position of one's sexual organs has absolutely no effect on one's mood. :( It doesn't make any SENSE!" -

opaltiger

"As I'm writing this, Masterchef is on, and the woman competing just went 'I must sound really cocky, mustn't I?'. Coincidence of the week there." -

many_from_one

"Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis? Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy; it's divine to own a dick!
From the tiniest little tadger..to the world's biggest prick!
So three cheers for your willy or John Thomas!!
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake!
Your piece-of-pork,your 'wife's best friend', your Percy or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons; you can slip it in your sock.
But don't take it out in public, or they'll stick you in the dock.
And you won't come back." -

ifeedformula

(+1, Monty Python's Meaning Of Life. -CV)

"When it's hanging, it's not worth mentioning!" -

germankitty

"Like a loose tooth" -

kagomeshuko

"The missus says it bobs around like a windsock" -

zihuatanejo

"Now I'm just picturing that little kitty in the tree with the words 'Hang In There!' poster, which I just drew on a Macho Motorcycle dude-with-a-huge-mustache's t-shirt the other day." -

morgana006

"All this talk about cock reminded me that many Americans will be having tea-bagging parties on Wednesday. This will never stop being funny to me." -

lewd_pixie

"*grabs boyfriend's crotch* Not much, he's wearing tighty-whities today." -

marasca

"For all you 'guys' out there, this: |-------------------------------------| is six inches." -

etumukutenyak

(This works better in a larger font size... -CV)

"I try not to let it hang for fear the cats will swat at it." -

rayluxuryacht

"Long and loose, full of juice and ready for use. Wow. I haven't said that since 1992." -

vayshti

"I can throw it over my shoulder like a Continental soldier." -

oleander_sky

"At an angle of theta to the horizontal, actually, and the system's in limiting equilibrium." -

yayworthy

"A photo of a man with a big cock. Obviously taken in Texas. [Amazingly, safe for work. -CV]" -

david_deacon

"[insert verse about things hanging low, wobbling to and fro, et cetera]" - 13 of you

"After ignoring them for several years, I finally decided to try ALL the penis extension treatments available over the internet. They all worked. Now it's over 7 feet long. That's not a spare tire, the only way I can carry my massive schlong around is by wrapping it around my waist." -

thepikey

"Is now a good time to mention that one of my RDCs (drill instructor for the Navy) was named Dick Bashor? God, he was a sexy man." -

timba

(Dick Bashor? This sounds like a job for question #5 to me... -CV)

"My thesis is due in twenty-four hours. It's nowhere near finished. I've pulled three all-nighters in the past four days. I'm running on adrenaline and sugar right now. The only thing that's keeping me going is the thought of turning the damn thing in tomorrow and then going out and getting shitfaced. That's how it's hanging, LJDQ. THAT'S HOW." -

babybokal

"Lo! The moon, like a testicle, hangs low in the sky!" -

cholma

"Great, but it'd be better if you cut the rope." -

rissaofthesaiya
"You know, when you hang yourself, you could get a death erection and your bowels could slide out of your anus to make a fleshy pendulum? Imagine all the cock and ass jokes. That's why you should never show kids people who hanged themselves." -

7dragon_zodiac
"As a bit of gallows humor? No noose is good noose." -

traveller_blues

"As the cock crowed over a new day, I was dicking around on my old Wang when Percey, Peter and John Thomas stopped by for a piece of pork. As the oven donged, we received some bad news that ruined our breakfast. My wife's best friend had been attacked by a spitting trouser snake! Those can be pretty dangerous, as you know. One prick can be deadly! Grabbing the tackle I got for our wedding, we rushed over there to find her feeling a little stiffy in the joints. Grabbing my big rod, I struck the monster in the head, killing one of its eyes. Quickly administering a hot beef injection, we got the lady up again in time for sausage. I'd write more but my penis almost out of ink.
...Wait, what was the question?" -

mattwolf

It's been a schlong time since we've had an outright improper quiz theme. Hopefully this week's concocktion didn't offend too many of you, and you'll come back tomorrow to see how mount the challenge of a newer dirtier quiz. Or maybe the theme will just be bunnies. We'll see what the gin bottle suggests to us tonight.

Thanks for playing and watching and enjoying; we appreciate your ongoing interest in our cockamamie schemes. Remember, tell all your friends about us. The more, the merrier!

Rock On!

AL&CV&LL&TL

Current Music: Everybody Wang Chung Tonight!

Page 1 of 2 << [1] [2] >>

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

mrbankies.livejournal.com

Yay for a quote and two hits of the collective zietgiest.

From:

chaosvizier.livejournal.com

We like zeitgeist. It's tasty with garlic and onions.

From:

melpemone.livejournal.com

chaosvizier! You can't carry on like that! Let me educate you:

From:

ifeedformula.livejournal.com

Is it totally WRONG that I"m sitting here grooving to that song? *L* I remember the first time I heard I was like, "The queens we use would not excite you? o.O".

Though named daily, it is weekly. Behold the first mystery.

LJ Daily Answers: 13 April 2009

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags