LJ Daily Answers, 1 October 2004

[angledge.livejournal.com]

"What the hell is the theme this week?" - doomgirl

(This week's theme was questions & answers involving the word "old" - or, alternatively, the word "auld". Which means "old" in Scots dialect.)

1. This diplomatic arrangement between France and Scotland, lasting from 1295 until the Reformation, was primarily designed to thwart and annoy England. What was it called?

"I don't know. However, my brother read this over my shoulder and said, "The Old Frogs & The Men Who Wear Skirts" arrangement. (I do not share his opinion -- French people, please don't kill me.)" - lonesomelullaby

(Any French people reading this should reserve their ire for other Quizlings. Such as ... -AL)

"A disaster! Who in their right mind would do anything with the French?" - deinemuse
"I'm all for anything that thwarts and annoys France" - bummerfly

(Don't worry, citizens of France, there's enough anti-Brit sentiment to go around too! -CV)

(Abuse for all nations. It's the United Nations way. -AL)

"Lets bug those English buggers." - verdandiweaves
"It was the We-wont-let-you-play-in-our-gang-in-fact-we-even-prefer-the-french-to-you-nyerr-nyerr-(please-dont-invade-us) alliance." - _j0k3r_
"Le' Poot du Limey Ahm. Rough translation, 'Chew on that you limey bastards.'" - dancingsaracen
"It's called the 'Auld two-finger fuck-off to England'. And it would have worked, too, if it weren't for those lazy French bastards, sitting around all day and making love with their own faces." - funkyplaid
"The "We've got good food and good booze, nyah!" Pact." - drewbeartx

(The French do have that one in the bag, true. -CV)

"Le Pîs Õff le Brîts Tréatië" - lolafae

(Making the most of the "special" characters. +1. -CV)

"The Escargot-Haggis Exchange. They each exported their worst biological weapon to the other, to thwart English designs." - fizrep

(For the record, the vegetarian haggis that AL brought over was rather tasty. And mmmm boy, snails. -CV)

"That would have to be the ban of consumption (and therefore exportation) of any kind of sandwiches without crusts on them." - spiffington

"I was going to do this quiz on Monday which is my Friday. I had had only 3 hours of sleep followed by an hour of trying to find my dog (new girlfriend), being late to work, being late leaving work, being really late to D&D, and then I was going to do the quiz when I came home but I passed out. Anyways, the answer to question one is Democracy." - mshenzi

(I got lost somewhere after you announced that you were having a lesbian love affair with your pet pooch. -CV)

"The Khitomer Accord?" - djdysfunction

(Star Trek references go a long way in earning that coveted Geek Of The Week award. -1. -CV)

"The Accords of Vo Mimbre. No, wait that was an agreement between the countries of the west to thwart the god Torak." - sskipstress

(Obscure Geek of the Week, -1. But we like The Belgariad, so +1. -AL&CV)

"The Whiskey and Champagne Are WAY Better Than Warm Beer Accord" - chyrsoberyl

"Auld Alliance--thank you, AP European History! You're finally good for something!" - greenabsinthe

(When I took AP European History (a long, long time ago), we watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail in class & took a field trip to Medieval Times. Best class ever. -AL)

"I drive a 2001 Auld Alliance." - impulsezip

"The Auld Alliance - now an excuse to support France in the World Cup when Scotland don’t get through and a way of selling bizarre combinations of Haggis and Brie to tourists in restaurants" - seolta

Correct Answer: The Auld Alliance.

"The enemy of my enemy is my party buddy. Serve up the haggis and champagne!" - perkyczarlet

"In French: "L'Auld Alliance"... no seriously! I read an article in a french newspaper a few years back talking about a Highland Games in Brittany, and that's how they spelled it! The fucking french..." - dougygyro

2. This book about a boy named Travis and his dog ends in tragedy for the eponymous canine hero. What is the book's title?

"I read a lot, but I don't know this one. I think you're making it up. You just wanted to have a cute little puppy in the quiz. Probably a dead cute little puppy due to the tragic end of the dog. Probably died of syphillis. Damn that Travis." - sskipstress

(If you read this carefully, I believe skkipstress is implying bestiality. Then again, other Quizzers scorn implying anything ... -AL)

"The Erotic Adventures of Travis the Dogfucker" - djdysfunction

(They just like to come out & say it. -AL)

"Michael Jackson Killed My Dog" - ghostwriterxx

(But not before inviting the dog into his Treasure Room. -CV)

"Eh. Eponymous? I would have to web cheat just to understand the fucking question." - dancingsaracen
"Who the f**k uses the word 'eponymous'?? Who are you? Michael Stipe?" - lolafae

(And vocabulary joins mathematics & chemistry on the list of Things That Confuse Our Quizzers. -CV)

"I don't remember the title, but the dog falls in love with the neighbor's goat, the love is unrequited for a time, then he wins her over. Accidentally, the dog falls in the ravine as they are running away together. The goat was only after him for his money, so she made out ok, but Travis falls into a deep depression and dedicates his life to being an alternative lifestyle coach in memory of his poor old 'yeller dog." - perkyczarlet

(Ask a question about a children's book, get answers about goats.ecx. WTF?? -AL)

"Old Yellow." - goat003

(No Southern accent. Half credit. -AL)

"Old Yeller Dustjacket, named for the book's saffron cover, by which of course you can't judge it." - sasscat

"No, Old Yeller! WHY did you have to die? NOOOOO!!!" - catgirlkuriko

Correct Answer: Old Yeller.

"Which, I swear, I used to think was a book about a crochety old man screaming at everyone. I didn't know why everyone got so sad reading it." - lonesomelullaby

(Not everyone was sad. -AL)

"The movie always made me laugh." - greenabsinthe

(Because nothing is funnier than rabies! -AL)

"don't forget about the sequels! There was 'Old Yeller 2: Back From the Grave!', 'Son of Old Yeller', and of course, the classic 'Old Yeller Visits Hawaii'." - drewbeartx

3. Name the movie!
J: What are you doing?
K: I'm driving.
J: Oh, no.
K: I remember that.
J: No, you drive that old busted joint. I drive the new hotness.
[pointing at K] Old and busted.
[pointing at self] New hotness.

"Dolemite!" - deinemuse



(Ah, blaxploitation, how I miss thee. -CV)

"The 2004 Presidential Race." - impulsezip

(I can't bring myself to call either of our major candidates "New Hotness". -CV)

(Not the major candidates, no. But who can deny the new hotness of Ralph Nader? -AL)



"Lethal Weapon. Or Bad Boys. Or Dukes of Hazard. Or Men in Black. Can I keep guessing 'til I get it right?" - perkyczarlet

(Sorry, there's a 4200-character limit in commentary. We'll just have to give you a "so close and yet so far" mention. -CV)

"Oh let's see. Independence Day? Men In Black? Wild Wild West? Jeez. Will Smith plays the same character in so many movies. 'Handsome young black man, sweeps in, cracks wise, saves the day'. We could just play musical chairs with his characters...he'd always win." - doomgirl

(To be fair, in Shark Tale he plays an ugly yellow fish who sweeps in, cracks wise, and saves the day. Not totally typecast. -CV)

"God, Will Smith is hot." - lonesomelullaby

"Men In Black 2, the only movie I've ever seen that managed to make alien demon-worms look sexy." - drewbeartx

(You really need to get out more. -CV)

"I'm the new hotness!" - thinksheknowsya

(Send us a photo, & we'll hold a vote on that. I'm thinking a poll along the lines of: "Which is the New Hotness - Will Smith, alien demon-worms, or thinksheknowsya? -AL)

"New hotness...hmmmm, there was very little 'hotness' in MIB2 as i recall" - seolta

(Fine, I'll add a "None of the Above" option to my poll. -AL)

"thanks, now I have the theme song by Will Smith stuck in my head." - bummerfly

(Come on, sing "Wild Wild West" for us. You know you want to. -CV)

"Men in Black II - a triumph of sequel over sense" - verdandiweaves

(Isn't this the case with most sequels? -AL)

Correct Answer: Men in Black II.

"Not to be confused with Men in Black Men 4, or Black Men 2 in 1, both of which are, I'm sure, very artistic in the way that only a lonely balding gay man or a bored housewife could truly appreciate." - sasscat

"Men In Black II. Men In Black Boogaloo." - dancingsaracen

"(confusingly, *NOT* the old MIB movie)" - dougygyro

(We have concluded that EVERYTHING is confusing to our Quizlings. -AL&CV)

4. Americans sing this song on New Year's Eve, and Scots sing it on Robert Burns night. What is the name of the song?

"A Louie Louie. . . .oOOOOoooOOOO . . . we gotta go. Blah blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah oooooOOOOOOO A Lou-IE LOUIE!" - xgreenjudasx

"100 bottles of beer on the wall" - ghostwriterxx

"Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw" - perkyczarlet

(Full credit. -CV)

"Plop plop fizz fizz oh what a relief it is!" - deinemuse
"'I'll Never Drink Agin, I swear To You Lord', customarily sung into a porcelain bowl." - fizrep

(These tunes are more traditionally sung the day after big celebrations. -AL)

"we sing it at Hogmany too (that's new year to you)" - verdandiweaves

"Tae a Haggis (actually we sing it at new years too, but anyway..). I think it should be this: Nine Inch Will Please A Lady" - _j0k3r_

"what the fuck is Robert Burns night? Is there fire involved?" - marasca

(January 25th is the birthday of Robert Burns, one of Scotland's most famous poets - and incidently, the author of "Auld Lang Syne". It is celebrated by holding Burns Suppers, where you eat haggis, read some of Burns' poems, & drink whisky. -AL)

"Arrr, he be "Robbie" Burns to ye! No wait, that's a pirate accent. I don't know how to do a Scottish Accent." - mythechan

"Old Langsime" - marasca
"Auld Lang Sign" - bummerfly
"Old Lang Syne" - verdandiweaves
"Auld Langs Eyne" - thinksheknowsya
"Old Lang's Sign. Just who is old Lang, and how did his sign gain importance in two cultures? And how many other quizlings asked these same questions? Inquiring minds want to know." - chrysoberyl

(If you mix them all together, you get exactly one correct answer. -4/5 for the group effort. -CV)

"Should all Aquaintance forget what happens after I get sloshed on tequila and G&T's." - dancingsaracen

Correct Answer: Auld Lang Syne.

"Now, if you'd asked what that translated to, there'd be a lot fewer answers..." - drewbeartx

(I'm sure someone is willing to guess. Yes, mshenzi? - AL)

"Auld Lang Syne which means 'Hey, let's drink some more!'" - mshenzi

(In Scotland, all the songs mean that. -CV)

(Only one of the many reasons Scotland is such a kickass nation. -AL)

5. This feature of the American national parks system is famous for erupting every hour and is named what?

"Sure, Brain, but what I don't get is how chaosvizier got classified as a National Park?" - mshenzi

"Old Yeller. Or Old Yellow; is Yellowstone National Park in America? (Yogi Bear taught me everything I know about the National Parks system. That is to say, not a lot.)" - mythechan

"Howard Dean" - _j0k3r_

"Ron Jeremy" - djdysfunction

(I don't think he's gotten large enough to be declared a National Park yet. He's working on it though. -CV)

(Ron Jeremy frightens me. It's his awful, awful smile. -AL)

"I wasn't aware that my boss' stupid mouth was part of the US National Parks System." - lolafae

"Ranger Holmes. Oh, yes ... he's a hit with the female tourists, park aides, and bears. Every hour, on the hour, baby." - funkyplaid

(I'm a bit concerned about the "bears" part of this answer. -AL)

"Old Faithful. The jokes write themselves, folks." - greenabsinthe

(Oh yes indeed, they do. But just in case they didn't, we had plenty of folks step up to the plate. Observe ... -CV)

"'Old Faithful'. Which, sadly, too many men name their willies. Especially when it's nothing more than a bold-faced lie." - lonesomelullaby
"Old Faithful, a popular vacation attraction for wives who suspect their husbands are cheating on them." - marasca
"Yeah, that Old Reliable, regular as a 70 year old with his metamucil, yessirree!" - catgirlkuriko
"Overworked rangers, Yogi bear with gastric troubles, doubtless some big spouting water geysers that allows the men admiring it to think themselves very virile." - verdandiweaves
"Wilt Chamberlain's penis." - gruyere
"Is that where the Statue of Liberty ejects a tampon on the hour, every hour?" - xgreenjudasx
"Old Faithfull, some geyser who shoots his load every hour without any provocation... i can't decide if that is a good role model or not...." - seolta

Correct Answer: Old Faithful.

"But really what else were they going to call it? Old Infidelity? Cheap Date?" - chrysoberyl

6. Tell us, how old are you? How old do you feel?

"How old do YOU feel?" - mshenzi

(WE'RE asking the questions here, thankyouverymuch! -AL&CV)

"I'm 21. But music I grew up on is now playing on the oldies station. Grr. Way to make me feel fifty, American radio." - lonesomelullaby

"I'm 27 and 11/12ths. Last night and this morning I was feeling like a hormonal teenager (drama! drama!). Then I decided being 8 would be funner so I had PBJ, baby carrots and (soy)milk for lunch. 8 year olds don't have to work, right? Maybe I'll buy mac and cheese for dinner. Where are my crayons?" - marasca

(CV stole your crayons & threw them in the fire. I saw him! -AL, age 8)

"I am 29 ... and I feel 21. I would say 19, but it's a strange number and I can drink. Not that I didn't drink when I was 19. In fact, my organs were probably fairly pickled between the ages of 15-24. Strange how I'm in better shape now than I was in my teenage years. Maybe I'm getting younger as I grow older. Only with wisdom. Damn, what i wouldn't do to go back to high school!" - ghostwriterxx

"I'm 31. There's no going back, either. The invulnerability is officially gone. This year I feel like death warmed over. My bones creak, my teeth are falling out, and lately I've been farting dust. I lost a liver and a lung, and my skin is pocked and pustuled with age and damnation. Scotland has been good to me. Anyone available for a date?" - funkyplaid

"I'm 29 years old and feel my real age during the week, a teenager during parties and clubbings, and in between that for most of the other time." - deinemuse

"I don't feel anyone above the age of 45 (especially if he's not hot)." - lolafae

"Younger than springtime and older than dirt, respectively." - gruyere

(That means ... 36. -AL)

"I've been "ageless" since I was 15. Because at 15 I stopped being carded in bars. I guess in a low lit bar I can pass from anything between 15 and 35. Lucky me! This would also explain why I was a hardcore alcoholic at 16." - xgreenjudasx

"I'm 25 years old, but I feel like a spry 24.5." - dougygyro

"96 in aardvark years, i feel about 3 in tortoise years" - _j0k3r_

"I am 27. But I will be 28 by the time the answers are out. My brain still thinks I am 13 or 14, I think. At least judging by the movies I watch." - chrysoberyl

(Everyone, let's give a big old-fashioned HAPPY BIRTHDAY to chrysoberyl! +3 if anyone makes her a cake. +6 if you send the cake to me instead. -CV)

"I am older than some of my kind, but younger than the majority.. I might seem fluffy at first glance, but I am spiky underneath. Yes, I am a cactus... This one in fact ;) and how old do I *feel*? Well...you don't want to go round feeling a cactus, so I guess you'll never know!" - spiffington

"How old I feel varies depending on whether a two-year-old temper tantrum or a twenty-two-year-old flirt is more likely to get me chocolate and ice cream. I have never yet attempted to use the two-year-old temper tantrum to get me sex, although now I'm perversely tempted. I'll let you know how it turns out if I do." - sasscat

"I can only answer this question with a quote. Ahem. 'you're older than you ever were and now you're even older, and now you're even older, and now you're even older. you're older than you ever were and now you're even older, and now you're older still.' - TMBG" - goat003

(Well? You haven't stopped ageing; keep singing! -AL)

"I am four hundred and twenty three years old and if you don’t believe me you will have to count the rings or look at the carved graffiti on my thigh" - seolta

(Strangely enough, the graffiti says "Please Return When Finished." Go figure. -CV)

(I think CV reckons that since neither moderator is on the Eastern side of the Atlantic, we can be as harsh as we like to the Brits with no fear of retribution. -AL)

Correct Answer: "I'm as old as my tongue and a bit older than my teeth." - sskipstress

OK, we're finished for this week, everyone. Nice showing. Our friendly little community now has 93 watchers. Let's see if we break 100 during October. Special welcome to first-time players bummerfly, catgirlkuriko, and mythechan. You have taken that first step into a larger, better day that you must seize against the dying of the light to make the pie higher. Or something. Motivational speaking is not a strong point around here, kids.

We'd like to hear from more of our long-time lurkers out there - you know who you are! Untie your tongues, revv up your funnyengines, & get ready for a brand-new Quiz on Monday.

Rock on,

CV&AL.