LJ Daily Answers: 29 May 2006

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

This week's theme was all about the telly. Well, all about a show on the telly. The Simpsons, in particular. Regardless of whether you like the show or not, it's been running for centuries, has a strong following, and has five lead characters, which works for our quiz themes. That's right, sometimes we reach a bit. Live with it.

Also, it's a holiday, so we're slow.



1. Name the poet who began his most famous work with the following invocation:
Sing, Goddess, sing of the rage of Achilles, son of Peleus—
that murderous anger which condemned Achaeans
to countless agonies and threw many warrior souls
deep into Hades, leaving their dead bodies
carrion food for dogs and birds—
all in fulfillment of the will of Zeus.

"I just realized I can somewhat sing those lines to Aerosmith's 'Dream On'." - ecarrotsushi

"*plugs ears* As of 10.45am today, I never have to look at another poem again. And not even the LJDQ will make me!" - puredeadthingy

(The power of Quiz compels you! -CV)

"too many ch's. Just waaaaaaaaaaaaay too many ch's." - gwenhyffar

"Wait, wasn't Hades a god? So, throwing souls *into* him... wow. That is one fucked up fetish." - foodcourtdruid

"Wolf Blitzer, reporting from Iraq." - drbear

(You mean Dubya is really Zeus? Man, that makes him a few thousand percent cooler... -CV)

"'all in fulfillment of the will of Zeus'. that sounds dirty. didn't he boink a swan and a cow at one point?" - speckled_llama

"Ah, for the good old days when it was perfectly acceptable to write a poem three hundred pages long. If he posted that on livejournal would he have gotten critical acclaim and shit? NO. He'd have gotten a million comments saying 'ljcut plzkthnx'." - maggiebloome

"Don't get me started on the movie Troy." - kestrel127
"Eye candy in movies is good for something..." - cougarfang

"I was buying a magazine back when Troy was in the cinemas and there was a cover picture of Brad Pitt being heroic and all. The girl taking my money asked me if I was planning on seeing/had seen the film. I said, 'Nah, read the book.' She replied, perfectly seriously and straight-faced, 'Oh, have they made a book of it already?' It took all the self-control I possess not to rip her ovaries out on the spot." - ghymoreid

"You know, Xena was involved in the Trojan War in one episode, then in the very next episode, she meets Homer, who tells the tale of Spartacus. I pity anyone who uses Xena for their history classes." - syrazemyla
"We were discussing the Odyssey in English class today, and when my teacher mentioned the name Homer, the girl behind exclaimed 'OH MY GOD, I TOTALLY SAW THAT EPISODE!'." - _beatlette_

"That's the start of the Iliad, aka the Greatest Tragic Gay Love Story until Brokeback Mountain." - cygna_hime

Correct Answer: Homer

"the Stevie Wonder of the 8th century." - rorylareina



2. What condiment did the state of New Hampshire require manufacturers to dye pink, until their state Supreme Court declared such a requirement illegal in 1898?

"I don't ever think I could eat pink food. Except meat. And Jolly Ranchers. And Starburst. And SweetTarts. And--oh fuck it, pink food is good." - inkynightvixen

"Stuff that goes in your mouth should not be pink! What if you choke on it and the doctors can't tell the difference between it and your throat when they're trying to remove it?! What then?" - the_wanlorn

(I believe the phrase then is "you're fucked". -CV)

"The fact this was such a pressing topic that the state Supreme Court had to make a decision on it leads me to believe that absolutely nothing happens in New Hampshire." - whiski_sour

(+1 because you are absolutely correct. -CV)

"NO, NOT HAM, YOU FAT FUCK!" - dslartoo

(+1, South Park. -CV)

"Is chicken a condiment?" - kokopellinelli

"Edible underwear. Before you say that's not a condiment, reflect. You can totally put it on pussy. Mmmmm. Tasty." - jrho

"Please don't let it be mayonaise, please don't let it be mayonaise, please don't let it be mayonaise..." - barbarienne
"Mayonniase dyed pink is about ten kinds of wrong." - uncut_diamond, jtersesk
"...which eventually led to Fabio being attacked by a goose." - kestrel127

"This was the case of Cassius v. Julius, when the plaintiff advised the defendant,'Beware the dyes of margarine.'" - i_calql8

"Why the fuck would you want to smear pink margarine all over your toast? That's just wrong. Eeyeew. It would look like lotion, as though you somehow got your masturbatory tools and breakfast fixins confused..." - meepbitch

(Note to self: never discuss meepbitch's masturbatory habits again. -CV)

"Margarine, so people wouldn't confuse it with real butter. As if we had no sense of taste. *hates margarine, except as emergency lube*" - ginalin

(Note to self: ginalin's too. -CV)

"Did you know margarine never goes bad? In my biology class some kid left an open tub of margarine on the windowsill for eight months. We kept expecting it to grow mold, but all it got was a dead spider melted into it. To this day we all use butter." - thomas_small

"They should dye margerine pink again. It would look kickass on waffles. Mmmm...waffles." - kittikattie
"It should still be illegal." - pocketmouse

Correct Answer: Margarine



3. If you were traveling from San Francisco, California to Concord, California, and you didn’t feel like paying $3.00 a gallon to get gasoline for the drive, what mass transit option might you utilize for the trip?

"$3.00 gas is a faded memory, like bellbottoms and good presidents." - thomas_small

"These boots were made for walking, and that's just what they'll do. And one of these days these boots are gonna, walk right up to you." - naraht

"Little known fact: the tunnel under the bay was required by legislation because no San Franciscan would voluntarily be seen actually going to Oakland." - fragbert

"The VW bus with the tie-dye paint job near the beach with the suspiciously large amount of smoke seeping out, the muffled strains of 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida' playing inside." - mezzolibra

"I may know this. Is this what the Greyhound Bus thing is about? Cause I don't know what that is but I know it's for long travels!" - dracothelizard

(You may not know this after all. -CV)

"A big freaking catapult." - syrazemyla

(It has its merits... -CV)

"I'm originally from Texas, where calls for mass transit are met with being run over in a truck." - kittikattie

(Well, a truck does have a lot of mass... -CV)

"Monorail! Monorail! MonoRAAAAAAAAILLLL!" - vyseryn

(+1, thematically appropriate. -CV)

"Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful." - ladylostris

(+1, Spaceballs. -CV)

"Who cares? Public transit is for the public. For individuals such as me, driving 90 miles per hour in the carpool lane is the only way to go! Gas prices are never too high for that." - pw0813

"I'd fly, because I fly free on US Air and I love being a dick about stuff like that." - deltashade

"I'd get my monkey butler to take me, of course. Possibly some sort of rickshaw arrangement, with comfy seats." - jonem

"Hobos. They always seem to get from town to town fairly easily. So all you need to do is hop on the nearest hobo, relax, and you'll soon find yourself where you want to go (or somewhere resonable similar)." - kenshardik

(Hobo Transit is not always reliable... -CV)

"my brother's name is Bart, and in the 1970s/80s at some point there was a boycott of the Bay Area Rapid Transit, and my mom thought it was very funny to acquire a pin reading "I'm Boycotting BART!" She still has it to this day. Come to think of it, this might explain some aspects of my brother's personality." - chlaal

Correct Answer: BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit)

"I'm just waiting for the inauguration of Fargo Area Rapid Transit." - stephe



4. What painting by Leonardo da Vinci, sometimes called La Gioconda, is commonly considered the most valuable painting in the world?

"La... Anaconda? La Cucaracha? (Oh great, now I'm going to go to bed with 'La cucaracha, la cucaracha, lalalalalalalah' playing in my head all night. Bangles, please.)" - cougarfang

"I know that Disney's animated version of Ponchielli's OPERA 'La Gioconda' has forever ruined that piece of music for me. Damned fat-assed dancing hippos." - dslartoo

"Is Gioconda a type of pasta?" - akiyasan

"'La Gioconda' sounds like some vicious STD the French brought over using sewage water and roasted slugs. God, I hate the french. Their food sucks. Well, except the fries." - mmmpie3001

"All I can think about now is Laura San Giacomo and that hot scene in 'Sex, Lies and Videotape' where she's making the video for James Spader's character. And James Spader was in 'Secretary' which ties into question 5, so I should get some points for that. Or a pony." - kenshardik

(You know the rules:
-CV)

"Ninja Turtles!" - piney61

(One of them, at least. -CV)

"Julia Roberts." - chershey

(Her smile is enigmatic, true, but more in the "OMGSOHUGEGONNAEATMEAAAAAHHHHH" kind of way. -CV)

"I've actually seen it. It's a lot smaller than you might think." - stephe, thecuckoo

"in order to prevent overcrowding in the Mona Lisa room, guards have begun telling tourists: 'this isn't the painting you are looking for' and 'you *will* visit the gift shop'. I had never seen a French Jedi before." - speckled_llama

(Probably because the only thing that could have made Ep.1-3 worse would be the line "Zut alors, Monsieur Palpateen ees a Seeth Mastere! N'est pas possible!" -CV)

(...no, strike that, I might have watched it for that kind of dialogue. -CV)

"She smiles like she's just poisoned somebody's cocktail." - whiski_sour

"She's Italian, which explains the moth-eaten 'tache." - david_deacon

"Some call her smile enigmatic or alluring. I beg to differ. Enigmatic is the smile that Jabba the Hutt smiles just before he drops Luke into the pit with the Rancor. Alluring is the smile that Gillian Anderson smiles when she arrives in my bedroom and begins to [redacted]. The Mona Lisa's smile, on the other hand, is a smile that says 'keep your eyes on the canvas, buddy, and NO, this is all the cleavage you're gonna get so stop asking already.'" - chlaal

"Not to be confused with her namesake Mona Lisa Vito, who was an expert on backcombing and classic automobiles." - ginalin

(+1, My Cousin Vinnie. -CV)

"It's called La Joconde in French. No one has ever been able to give me a satisfactory explanation of what 'joconde' means. I assume it's something along the lines of 'eyebrow-less, overrated, creepy-smile woman who watches me wherever I hide and has spawned the most horribly written popular novel ever.'" - dreamoflight, accompanied by 48 other Da Vinci Code cheapshots

Correct Answer: The Mona Lisa



5. Which actress has a famous brother named Jake and played the titular role in the film Secretary?

"I don't know how to quit you, LJ DQ..." - piney61

"Hee hee. You said the naughty word, if you know what I mean, and I think you do." - jonem

(What, "Secretary"? Yeah, I know. They're called "Administrative Assistants" now or some such nonsense. My bad. -CV)

(Other people distracted by the word "titular": 28.)
"Not only the titular role, a rather titillating role as well." - jeveuxetre

"'Titular.' Huh huh. 'Ular.'" - deltashade

(+1 for choosing the road not taken. -CV)

"Did you just call me a fuckass? Go suck a fuck." - decapod_10, shadowkeeper
"Tell me Donnie, how exactly does one suck a fuck?" - meepbitch

(+1, Donnie Darko. -CV)

"I have to say, she was great in Donnie Darko. I really believed she was that Jake Gyllenhaal's sister." - filmbuff

"The first person who makes a Brokeback Secretary joke is getting their ass kicked. I swear I'll do it." - ginalin

(Some advice for 23 of you: How does one spell that name properly?)
"there are a bunch of Ls and a couple of Ys and, I think, a silent Q in there somewhere" - setauuta

"When you can't spell the name, use a picture:
" - jessicamariek

"Maggie Gyllenhaal was in 'Mona Lisa Smile' which ties back to question 4! I want two ponies now!" - kenshardik

(Correct answers: 2. Ponies: 0. -CV)

"Maggie Gyllenhaal. Who is engaged to, and will bear the child of, Peter Sarsgaard." - thecuckoo
"Please Don’t Let Them Hyphenate Because That’s Too Many Awkward Letter Combinations." - rorylareina
"That poor baby is going to have more a's in its last name than the whole damn Iliad." - green_queen

Correct Answer: Maggie Gyllenhaal



6. Who is your favorite Simpsons character? And go ahead, give us a quote, too. If you don’t have a favorite character because you hate the Simpsons, tell us why.

(About 30 of you dislike, don't watch often, or have never seen "The Simpsons". That's a much lower number than I expected... -CV)

(Some other statistics: the top three characters were Homer, Ralph Wiggum, and Groundskeeper Willie. The most sympathetic character was Lisa. The most tragic character was Smithers. The best non-characters were Sir Ian McKellan, Leonard Nimoy, and Lucy Lawless. And the best pudding is Gü. -CV)

"shouldn't you follow up with questions about the Pillsbury D'oh!boy?" - drbear

(+1, punning while AL is away. -CV)

"I don't watch the show often enough. I do tend to say 'eeeeexcellent' a lot, though." - as_silver_seeps

"Smithers, a disturbed yet tragic romantic figure. Kind of like Hamlet, really." - chlaal

"I don't hate the Simpsons, it's just that my life has been RUINED by them. My last name is Flanders..." - kajanga

(Heighdeley ho, neighborino! -CV)

"Not a day goes by where I am not BOMBARDED with 'Hi dideleyo, neighbor!'... NO ONE HAS EVER MADE THAT JOKE BEFORE!!111!!! AREN'T YOU THE CLEVER ONE!" - kajanga

(*studies toes, shuffles feet in ground* -CV)

"Lenny: Man, I always thought a man with two wives would be happy.
Carl: No, you're thinking of a man with two knives
*cut to picture of Moe holding two knives*
Moe: I gotta tell you guys, this is pretty terrific." - asiswellknown

"Sideshow Bob: You can't handle the truth! No truth-handler you! I deride your truth-handling abilities!" - fragbert
"I give an automatic +1 to all episodes with Sideshow Bob." - morganashkevron

"This is where I saw the Leprechaun! He told me to burn things. - Ralph Wiggum " - kestrel127, aliaspiral
"Ralph Wiggum: When I grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar." - starry_skeyes

"i liked the 'i bent my wookie' thing because i didn't know it was from the simpsons when i heard it. and i also forgot what a wookie was. And the guy who said it all the time was super cute and i had a tiny crush on him. but then he went and got a girlfriend who wasn't me, so i hate the simpsons." - slanciante

"Lisa: Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece." - monroe_nell
"Lisa: Because of the Xanax, I'm not overanxious about being a Simpson anymore! ...I am a little anxious about being on Xanax, but the Zoloft covers that nicely." - shmuel

"Lisa: Well look at the wonders of the computer age now.
Homer: Wonders, Lisa, or blunders?
Lisa: I think that was implied in what I said
Homer: Implied, Lisa, or implode?" - crystalcazzie

"Homer: Mmmmmm..........forbidden donut." - dslartoo, marilyth
"Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, 'To Kill A Mockingbird' and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the colour of his skin... but what good does *that* do me?" - ginalin, rosewilliams
"Homer: Stupid sexy Flanders." - spatialrift47
"Homer: All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer." - il_pleut
"Homer: Oooh! Floor pie!" - lusciousmango

"Groundskeeper Willie... There's nary a animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman!" - squeegibo, ghymoreid, filmbuff

"Bart: 'Let me help you George Washington'? Even your dreams are square!" - elaran
"Bart. I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows." - ryttu3k

Correct Answer: "Monica King. 'Is the Simpsons a cartoon about OJ? i don't get this week's theme.'" - barbarienne, for being old-school with the original DQ


Another week, another quiz. Those of you in the USA are enjoying the long weekend thanks to Memorial Day. Enjoy the weather and the extra time and all that. The rest of you... well, hope you're enjoying whatever it is you're doing. If you're a student, maybe you're enjoying summer break. You should be. We would be too, but we're far beyond the old student lifestyle. Alas.

As always, thanks for playing, thanks to all the new players, and spread the word! And of course, tune in tomorrow for more quizzy goodness, now in vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry!

Rock on,

AL&CV