LJ Daily Answers: 11 July 2005

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

"You people suck for reminding me I just woke up, the coffee pot is broken, my car won't start, and I am totally without CAFFIENE!!!!" - flawed_karma

"You know, I've considered changing my LJ name to quizling, just so every time angledge says "Good Quizling!" I can feel all important and stuff. But the name quizling is already taken. Now, I have the option of tracking quizling down and stealing his identity, but he lives in India, and that's a long way to go for an LJ name change. So I guess I'll just sit here and eat my pudding instead. It's chocolate." - deza

Morning has broken, similar to the very first morning. Black birds are speaking, and some other mumbo jumbo. Grab a cuppa, pry open those sleepy eyes, and feast on quizly glory!



1. What flower was used as a laxative by the Chinese and as a hallucinogen by the Aztecs?

"To get both effects at the same time, try White Castle hamburgers!" - slickrickt

"A laxative and a hallucinogen? Damn, that's one hell of a risky way to get high, isn't it?" - djcati

"I'm not sure about anyone else, but hallucinating while having the mudbutt is not my idea of a fun time. If it was happening to someone else, then I'd think it was funny." - ccaretta

(+1 for saying "mudbutt". -CV)

"I don't know, but whoever cultivated it most likely said, 'Hey! We can export these flowers overseas! Oh, man, the Chinese are gonna shit! The Aztecs will be freaking out!'" - fragbert

"Stargazer Lilies. No, I know that's not right. I do know my girlfriend likes them, so I expect to be buying a lot of them, so I need another pair of reasons to dislike them. Sounds legit, right?" - uncut_diamond

(Tune in for more helpful relationship advice from uncut_diamond, folks! -AL)

"Going with the theme, I'd guess the morningwood." - hellpaladin2183

(That's more of a tree trunk than a flower... -CV)

"I get the laxative, but what orifice do you have to stick a morning glory into to hallucinate?" - corax_onyx

(I believe it's called the "glory hole". -CV)

"I must find some of this amazing ShroomLax!" - szellem

"Now that's a drug that has consequences right up front--or in the rear, as the case may be." - fischyference19

"Man, those crazy Aztecs and their crack. It's amazing they got anything done, let alone make a city of gold and the most feathery costumes this side of a Gay Pride parade." - vanbrosia

"When I think of chinese flowers all I get is cherry blossoms. I blame Mulan for not being more of a herbalist really." - mcclintock

"I know this! It's that thorny blue flower from Batman Begins!!" - fullmetalkatu

(Hopefully the director's cut DVD edition will include the "Holy Christ, Alfred, bats and robins are shooting out my bunghole! It's a sign! A SIGN!" scene. -CV)

"My mother used to wake me up with 'Rise and shine, morning glory' every fucking day, like it never quite hit her that I'm more of an afternoon glory, or to be really precise, a 'sometime in the evening after the first two tequila shots have kicked in' glory." - deza

"What's the story, morning glory? I'm suddenly glad that I took that Drugs and Society class during my final semester of college. I also learned way, way, WAY too much about weed." - dark_goddess_

"If morning glories are hallucinogens, why aren't baby stoners sitting out in my front yard right now tripping balls?" - ANONYMOUS

"the legendary Chinese-Middle American Poop Until You See Wonders Flower?" - wingedelf

"OMGWTF!!1!! I've got chocolate-covered armadillos climbing out my asshole!" - darkeros

Correct Answer: Morning Glory

"Don't let this information get out or the DEA will have to put the smackdown on my grammy's front garden." - peaseblossom03



2. Morningstar Ratings are an evaluation of what kind of investments?

"*flails*" - harleenquinzell

"See, this morningstar is made out of brass. You use this on anything thicker than chain mail and it'll crumble like tin foil. What you want to invest in is a nice sturdy iron model. I recommend the Whackmaster Mark 4." - cmzero

"Ninjas, of course. A five-morningstar rating goes to Yoshihiro, who just missed both ears WHILE JUGGLING." - shigogouhou

"Morningstar Ratings should be the name of a porn company. Sounds classy enough to advertise discreetly, but with that faint infusion of Lucifer, Son of Morning in the name. They'd be like your posh-but-unobtrusive neighbor who's secretly into swinging and hardcore BDSM." - lilitou

"Probably not fake chicken investments. Morningstar Farms is a brand of fake chicken that includes egg whites in its ingredients, thus pissing off countless vegans since the dawn of time or thereabouts. I would reap the benefits by taking it off the hands of my vegan comrades, except, as a person with tastebuds and discriminatory skills, I have no desire to actually eat fake chicken of any kind, and so we are at an impasse. And, wow, that didn't have much to do with investments at all, did it?" - dearladydisdain

"Why, investing in Evil, of course! Your investment in Satan's global conquest of the world is immediately added to your Morningstar Rating. With a high enough rating, you get access to really evil things! Like the pants of lawyers! Everybody knows evil is all about the pants, and lawyers. Just yesterday, I grabbed a toddler's ice-cream and threw it on the street. It cried. My rating went up. Pretty soon I'll be in Keanu Reeves' pants. Okay, so he was only moderately acting to be a lawyer, but it's close enough, and I've always wanted to know what it's like to be in Keanu's pants. Don't you?" - damanique

"Stocks. More particularly, the Marjorie Morningstar method, which goes like this:
BEDEVERE:
Tell me. What do you put in stocks?
VILLAGER #2:
Witches!
CROWD:
Witches!
BEDEVERE:
And what else do you put in stocks?
VILLAGER #1:
More witches!
VILLAGER #3:
Shh!
VILLAGER #2:
Pension funds!
BEDEVERE:
Good! So why do stock values go down?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3:
Because they're made of.... Natalie Wood?" - captainsblog

"See, this is money stuff. That's what I have my husband for. He talks about stocks and bonds and whoknowswhat and my eyes glaze over. If it were up to me, we'd keep all our money under our mattress." - marag

"My financial investments consists of a mayonnaise jar filled with cash and buried in the back yard. Why would I know the answer to this?" - wheatheart

"I actually can't think of any investments right now... erm, buying mint condition Star Wars toys and keeping them in the package in the hope that in 20 years' time Jar Jar Binks will be worth sqiullions?" - azure_dragon

(I assure you, that day will NEVER come. -AL)

"If I knew one turd's worth about stocks, I would probably not be sitting in my parents house with a glass of cheap shiraz answering the LJ Quiz, no offense. Instead, I would probably be snorting coke off the breasts of a $500 whore, because I imagine all people who play the stock market to be exactly like circa-1980s brokers and bigshots always are in movies." - thesnark

"Ceramic cups; so named after the methods of punishing those who violated the 'wash your cup after using it" rule at the office.' - lustforlike

"Peni$ enlargement pill#@s!" -lots42

Correct Answer: Mutual Funds

"Similarly, Mace Ratings evaluate bonds, Sword Ratings evaluate investment property, and Battle-Axe Ratings evaluate the value of your share of your mother-in-law's estate against her estimated lifespan." - tall_man



3. RU-486 is colloquially known by what name?

"Sounds like someone asking someone else if they're an old computer. 'Nope, sorry, I'm Pentium.'" - djcati

"Sounds like something from the military with all the letters and numbers, so I'll guess it's some sort of bomb! Those guys are always complimenting the smell of napalm in the morning!" - ladyisabella

"Well, your usual standard Rubidium has an atomic weight of 101.07 and has 44 protons. And no, I'm not cheating. I've got the periodic table of elements as my desktop! Haha! So, considering that Ru-486 has 442 neutrons bouncing around in there, I'd say it's Pretty Damn Heavy And Probably Unstable Too Rubidium. Colloquially known as PDHAPUTR." - dracothelizard

(I'd say having a periodic table as your desktop is pretty geeky. Colloquially known as GOTW-1. -CV)

"You know, you don't see colloquially used very often these days. Kudos to you!" - larinzia

"R2-D2's Hangover Remedy" - hiddenmuse

"It sounds like some kind of Russian U-Boat." - fullmetalkatu

(And that's about as far from the correct answer as we got. Allowing for the phallic nature of submarines, of course. -CV)

"Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate!" - palmer_kun

(+1, Monty Python's Meaning Of Life. -CV)

"'It's got to be the Morning After Pill
that handles breaks in your condom;
or if you missed your Ortho-Novum,
In nine months, you won't be a Mom.'" - lovellama

(Lyrics definitely not courtesy of Duran-Duran. Or Sting. -CV)

"I'm a guy. I wouldn't know anything about any abortion pills because I don't get pregnant... actually, neither do I get laid, but that's not the point. Besides, MY morning after pill is some zoloft after all the emotional distress this quiz gives me." - i_am_stillwater

"We figure an abortion clinic is a good place to meet loose women. Why else would they be there unless they like to fuck?" - miss_tress

(+1, Dogma. Also, judging from your answers, you might meet 29 Quizlings. 12 of whom are male. -CV)

"TEH_BABY_KILLR486" - lakidaa

"Slut Pez" - mcclintock

"Hush and Flush" - lots42

"Never Having to Say You're Pregnant." - themommage

"Personally, I prefer RU4-69" - drbear

"I'm just waiting for the TV commercial blitz with Maureen McGovern singing in the background. 'There's got to be a morning after.....'. You know it's coming." - slickrickt

"I always get that confused with the model number on Marvin's space modulator, which can make for some interesting miscommunication issues when one person thinks they're talking about reproductive rights and the other thinks they're discussing classic Warner Bros. cartoons!" - kaliopi

(Some of you were similarly confused. Let's get it straight: Marvin The Martian was deprived of his Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator by Bugs Bunny. Congratulations to deltashade for being the only person who got this right. -CV)

"Well, I for one had a healthy dose of the morning after pill and a bottle of Pepto for breakfast this morning since someone spiked my "Independence Day" celebration drinks with sprinkles of dried morning glory. We rounded off the celebrations by watching Good Morning America and I had the freakiest dreams that I was humping a really hairy monkey. Not being one who is normally down with the inter-species lovin' I popped a morning after pill and chased it with Pepto since I was couldn't be certain what happened last night but was feeling oddly queasy. Maybe it was the hot dogs and burgers and beer from yesterday or maybe something really weird happened after I blacked out. Better safe than giving birth to a monkey, I always say." - aimers81

"The Morning After pill, a sequal to The Day After, a one time scary movie about nuclear war and oddly phallic mushroom clouds, which makes it all the more correct to link the two." - flawed_karma

"as George Bush would have it 'The totally evil, women can't possibly know what they are doing, I've got a direct line to God so everyone pay attention to me' pill." - charliesmum

(Mooooommm!! I think I'm pregnant OMG what should I DO?!?!?!?? -AL)

Correct Answer: The Abortion Pill

(That's right, Abortion. We're not afraid to tackle hard-hitting issues, and we're also not afraid to use the theme to trick you into saying "morning-after pill", which is an entirely different creature. We're even ready to make jokes about Microsoft merging with Planned Parenthood and changing their slogan to "Abort, Retry, Ignore!" -CV)

(CV may not be afraid of going there, but I'm a bit frightened by the idea. So instead, I'll admit that I was confused about RU-486 & morning-after pills & all that. We'll let others handle the educational bits. -AL)

"The morning-after pill, or emergency contraception, is essentially a higher dosage of your garden-variety progesterone-based birth control pill, and is only effective during the first 72 hours after unprotected sex or sex where the condom has broken. RU-486, on the other hand, is known as "the abortion pill" and is a method of chemical abortion to be used during the first trimester of pregnancy as an alternative to the old suck-it-out method." - thesnark

"RU-486 induces what is called a medical abortion opposed to the surgical abortions that are generally vacum aspiration procedures for first trimester (and sometimes up to 13.6 weeks) or dialation and evacuation procedures that are done for second trimester procedures and later. RU-486 is actually a series of pills that are taken orally and vaginally to induce miscarriage. In essence, it's more painful and more dangerous as well as drawn out than a surgical abortion and costs around the same at the clinic where I work. Vacum aspiration procedures take 5 minutes and are safer than getting wisdom teeth removed." - ANONYMOUS

(Note to self: do not confuse wisdom teeth with fetus. -CV)



4. What 1987 movie starred an unorthodox DJ working for the US Armed Services Radio Station?

(Most "O"s used in movie title: akiyasan with 64. -CV)

"Actual movie title didn't have quite as many 'O's" - big_danny_t

"Always an unorthodox character! The 'unorthodox' cop. The 'unorthodox' kid. Just for once I want to see a movie about a plain, happy person who BECOMES unorthodox through his actions. You know-DEVELOPMENT?" - puredeadthingy

"WKRP in Hanoi" - chris1979

"The Fresh Prince of Bel Air Base." - deltashade

"Apocalypse, Now." - thurdl01

"The Fifth Element. 'RUUU-BY ROD!'" - jerica

"I'm wondering when the Iraq-themed sequel comes out." - wingedelf

"DJ Strangelove or: How Vietnam Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Songs" - active_apathy

"The only thing I know about Good Morning Vietnam is that the former-love-of-my-life-that-bastard had the soundtrack on one side of a cassette, the other side of which was filled by the game scenes from some hopelessly dull baseball flick. Since his crappy Suzuki was without a CD player, I know both sides of that damned cassette pretty well." - hippiedancer

"Was that the one where Robin Williams was a ten-year-old boy, or the one where he dressed up as a woman?" - alexmegami

'Goooooooood Morning Vietnam! Starring Robin Williams as Robin Williams actin' all crazy, a role he would perfect in the coming years." - meepbitch

"the first movie to EVER make me cry. Not even Bambi made me cry. I'm hard-hearted like that." - rivetkitten

(You cried for Robin Williams and not for Bambi's mom? You sick sumbitch. -CV)

"Oh, Robin Williams. Your nontraditional ways of sticking it to the man and bringing joy to the hearts of embittered veterans and prep school students alike has endeared you to an entire generation (...maybe), but you'll always be Genie to me." - dearladydisdain

"Robin Williams ad-libbed the dialog for the best parts of that movie. Just goes to show that taking a manic depressive off his medication isn't necessarily a bad thing." - deza

"Sir, seeing as how the former VP is such a big VIP, shouldn't we keep the PC on the QT? Because if it leaks to the VC he could end up MIA and we'd all be put out on KP." - scifantasy, debvel, ladylyonesse
"The weather out there today is hot and shitty with continued hot and shitty in the afternoon. Tomorrow a chance of continued crappy with a pissy weather front coming down from the north. Basically, it's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut." - permogod
"Don't call me sir; I work for a living." - mrpyro

(Ok, that last one wasn't from the movie, but it's a good quote anyway. -CV)

Correct Answer: Good Morning Vietnam

(And to the two smartasses who pointed out that the movie did not star a DJ, but rather starred Robin Williams AS a DJ, we just have to say, you win this round, but we shall meet again. -AL&CV)



5. Which US President was re-elected using the campaign theme, "It's morning in America!"

"" - rivetkitten

"Regan." - uncut_diamond, tall_man

(No, I think that was Pazuzu. -CV)

"Someone was really re-elected with this slogan?" - aimers81

(He really was. -AL)

"It is? But, if you take time zones into account, carry the three, Grenwich mean time..." - cheezdanish

(I think that's like saying "The sun never set on the British Empire because England is in the East and the sun sets in the West." -CV)

"Don't blame me for not knowing. I voted for Kodos." - deltashade

(+1, The Simpsons. -CV)

"Sorry. Not a yank. All yer' past presidents just kinda run together for me." - fmh

(Happens to some of us too, apparently. -AL)

"If it wasn't a Bush or Clinton, I don't know it. I slept through US History during my phase of not really caring." - maskofsmiles

"I'm gonna go with Mayor Adam West" - iankeith, profsparky

"I will be slightly embarrassed to learn this was for a president who campaigned during my lifetime and even more embarrassed if it was someone who ran after I was old enough to vote." - sskipstress

(We'll color you "slightly embarassed". -CV)

"Hmm... the word re-elected narrows down the number of Presidents it could be, but like most Americans, I really don't know, so I'm going to say Franklin D. Roosevelt simply because his number of reelections ups the chance I'll be correct." - nike_victory

(Your logic is sound. Wrong, but sound. -CV)

"I can't think of anyone associated with morning, star, potato salad or Vietnam except Reagan." - barwench23235

(Your logic is dreadful. Right, but dreadful. -CV)

"That may very well be the stupidest campaign theme ever. I think I'm going to run for President and my campaign theme shall be 'No thank you, I already have a penguin!' Or maybe 'American Nonsequitur Society: We don't make much sense but we do like pizza.'" - marag

"Doesn't sound like much of a campaign theme to me. I mean, you could only use it for half the day, otherwise you'd have some pedantic bastard at the back yell out 'Actually, it's early afternoon'." - mrpyro

(Let me guess: that was you back there. -CV)

"Why do you always have some historical question that I will never be able to answer because I never (a.) 'paid attention', or (b.) 'worked to my potential', in school. You just do it to prove that my parents, even though they are dead, were right when they said I would regret it sometime. This is part of some freaky 'I told you so' conspiracy!" - csflick

"I can see how he'd get re-elected when he's only wrong half the time." - lustforlike
"I guess when you're always just waking up from a nap, it really is morning." - altoidsaddict
"And that's why America has morning-breath." - szellem

"I don't know, but please tell me he was assassinated. Stupid @#$%ing morning people." - vanbrosia

(Alas, Hinckley failed to score a critical hit and was left open to Attacks Of Opportunity from the Secret Service. -CV)

"Ronald 'Okay, he's been dead for a year now; let's get back to bashing him' Reagan." - cmzero

"Ronald Reagon. - again, my university classes are paying off. for the first time in my life, something i learnt in school is coming into practice. bless you." - therhythmthief

"Interesting fact: the Bush family still use the Reagan Presidential China for White House dinners. Brings a whole new meaning to fiscal prudence, doesn't it?" - jonem

"Ronald Reagan. I believe he only did press conferences before nine in the morning so it really was a useful slogan." - larinzia

Correct Answer: Ronald Wilson Reagan



6. So ... what did you have for breakfast this morning?

"2 Tbsp of Pepto Bismol, three ibuprofen and four imaginary friends trying to convince me that hangovers count for calling in sick to work." - harleenquinzell
"I had the traditional British breakfast of strong coffee and two painkillers to stave off last nights hangover." - m31andy

"I didn't actually have breakfast today, but I have a photo of the breakfast my son likes to eat. It's a sun.
- charliesmum

"This morning I had a cup of coffee and a cigarette. Please don't dob me in to charliesmum!" - nolseygnu

(Yeah. You might end up with one of her tentacle-pr0n fried eggs. And who knows where that might lead. -CV)

"Pixi Stix and Jolt, because some kids just can't afford crack." - flawed_karma

"If I had my druthers, a chocolate with Heath blizzard from DQ." - lusciousmango

"I haven't eaten yet. But there's a box of strawberry Pocky that's calling my name." - peaseblossom03

"Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs" - marasca

(+1, Calvin And Hobbes. -CV)

"A bagel. Unfortunately, I'm New York Jew who's on the West Coast for the summer; finding a decent bagel is a nightmare, so I settled for a meh-level bagel. Ergo, I had a bagel and no small amount of guilt for lowering my standards..." - scifantasy

"A liver, with some favva beans and a nice chianti." - wendynat

(+1, Silence Of The Lambs. -AL)

"30mg Lexapro, a placebo birth-control pill and a chewy chocolate multivitamin, so I'm happily not breeding and chock full o' the alphabet." - meepbitch

"Sweet, sweet revenge. With strawberries on top." - maggiebloome

(Can you buy that at ShopRite? -CV)

"Weetabix, the staple of the Aussie diet. Hey, if it's good for studly Aussie sportsmen on TV, it's good enough for me, dammit." - vanbrosia

(Man, it's been a long time since I've had Weetabix. I used to love those. After I heaped sugar on them, of course. -CV)

"I had chicken stuffed with butter. That's right, butter. I cut the chicken open and it came pouring out, like a heart-killing damburst of goodness." - fizrep

"A bottle of Bawls and a muffin from 7-11." - dorei

(+1, Bawls. -CV)

"I had the equivalent of half a slice of toast, as I have coeliac disease so I have special gluten-free (disgusting) bread. One was spread with butter we soon realised was rancid and the other with good ol' Dairylea. My grandmother shuddered at the cheesespread and continued mashing her banana onto her (normal) toast." - puredeadthingy

(My stomach churns. -CV)

"I would have had Fruity Pebbles but my husband drank the last of the milk last night. So I had to have a stale Pop-Tart and a bottle of Coke with Lime instead." - miss_tress

"Start your day the holy way with Christ Chex." - fischyference19

(Now in Crucifix, Star of David and Rusty Iron Nail shapes. -CV)

"Just a wafer thin mint...." - jonem

(+1, Monty Python's Meaning Of Life. -CV)

Correct Answer: "Coffee, cigarettes and utter, utter loneliness." - cheezdanish



And that's the quiz, fresh and funky this fine Monday morning. Hopefully you're all caffeinated enough to handle this much excitement today, and if not, you'd better get ready, because tomorrow we have even more action and adventure in store. A new quiz! New questions! New theme! New flavors of pudding! You know you want a piece of this action, and even more, you want to share it with everyone you know. That's right, everyone. Heed the power of our shameless pimping campaign, and go out and do your duty. Tanqueray Gin Commands You!

Rock On,

AL&CV