LJ Daily Answers: 13 Jun 05

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

"I like Shark Week on LJDQ better than on the one on the Discovery Channel." - miss_tress

In case you were wondering, nothing happened this week involving sharks that inspired the theme (unlike last week's theme, which was inspired by something the mods observed). CV doesn't ever swim, & the ocean temperature near San Francisco isn't warm enough for AL to be out there yet, either. Sometimes themes just come out of nowhere, like the attack of a great white shark on a hapless surfer.



1. Which actor plays a good wizard in "Conan the Barbarian" and an evil wizard in "Samurai Jack"?

"I don't know. I'm only taking this quiz because of the LotR related question in scene 24 question 3." - seregwen

(Fair enough. -CV)

"So is this your deal? You pick one crappy obscure movie and one awful cartoon and tie them together with a wizard theme? Actually, I like your style. But I still don't know." - cefirus

"Um, is this more pop culture that I totally missed? Because the only Conan I know is Conan O'Brien" - shannon_sue

(*headdesk* -CV)
(*facepalm* -AL)

"The answer is Godzilla. Godzilla can do anything and is friend to all children!" - akiyasan

"I've come to the conclusion that it must be Hoshigake Kisame." - lord_of_evil

(Clever... but no. -CV)

"Due to the flip-flopping in the question, I will say John Kerry." - profsparky

"He sounds like Egg Chen from Big Trouble in Little China.
Egg Chen: Oh, a 6 demon bag!
Jack: Hey Egg Chen, what's in the bag?
Egg Chen: Wind, Fire, that kind of stuff." - mcclintock

(Very nice. But Egg Chen was still no match for the Supreme Asskicker, David Lo Pan:

Everyone, go rent "Big Trouble In Little China". You'll thank me for it later. -CV)

"isn't conan the barbarian the movie where mr schwartzenegger has the really funny looking nipples?" - therhythmthief

"I'm sorry, but whenever I hear 'Conan the Barbarian', I immediately think of Weird Al Yankovic standing in a loincloth surrounded by stacks of books, and I forget everything else." - dorei

(There's medicine for that, you know. -CV)

"I remember going to see that when I was about 8, and that part toward the beginning after Conan's parents get all hacked up where he's in the tent with the smokin' witchy woman and they're having hot hot barbarian sex and she's scratching up his back. Yeah, that made me feel all funny inside." - ckirkman

"In a recent press conference Governor Schwartzeneggar was asked What is Best in Life? His response was: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you and hear the lamentation of their women." - hemloche

(The sad part about California politics is that the Governator lists the State Assembly amongst his enemies. -AL)

"James Earl Jones played a good priest, not wizard. I think you've gotten your good and evil mixed up here." - jacesan

(I think you've gotten your good and evil mixed up, laddie. James Earl Jones was most definitely not a good priest. Evil through and through. -CV)

"Ian McKellan or Christopher Lee. Those two have a moratorium on wizards, evil or otherwise. Incidentally my Favorite Christopher Lee Performance of All Time is as Kato in The Land of Faraway with Christian Bale. Christian Bale was just a wee little barely discovered thing at the time, and I feel obligated to point out that he played Jum-Jum (pronounced yum-yum) in eerie foreshadowing of the response of thousands of fangirls." - technoinfidel

"You know, I once saw a Wizard of Oz themed porno with the exchange between Glinda and Dorothy (who was dressed in gingham pleather): 'Are you a good witch or a bad witch?' 'Oh, I'm a very, very bad witch'" - ataralas

(This answer received a -1 the moment you said "wizard of oz porno". -CV)

"Good? Poor man's been crucified for days and days, but when he's rescued, Mako stakes him out and let the ghosts whoop up on him all night. Dang, man...couldn't you have given him a sauna and a massage instead?" - anonymisty

"The only old creepy Japanese guy I would even vaguely consider sleeping with: Mako. Seriously. That voice. Oh man. I'd just shut my eyes and let him talk dirty to me." - cheezdanish

"I, Mako, shapeshifting master of darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil in both Conan and Samurai Jack. I, single-handedly, made them both a success, despite what people say about Swarzenagger and Jack." - ladyisabella

Correct Answer: Mako

"I feel you've chosen that Current Music just to mock me." - fizrep

(True Story: When fizrep got divorced, his wife made off with a substantial share of the loot, including several thousand dollars worth of Magic cards and a lot of CD's. "Curses", thought fizrep, "But at least she didn't get my Conan The Barbarian soundtrack, which is one of my favorite CD's of all time." Unfortunately, when he opened the CD cover, he realized that the CD inside was not Basil Poledouris's masterpiece, but instead Antonio Vivaldi's Four Seasons. I can still hear him cursing to this day. Mostly because he is. -CV)



2. What was the name given to the sixteen Atlantic Fleet battleships that sailed around the world under the commands of Rear Admiral Robley Evans and Rear Admiral Charles Sperry from 1907-1909?

"'E15.' 'Hey! You sank my battleship!' 'Shh!'" - unamundamour

"Voltron. Occasionally they would combine to form a super-robot that would kick the arse of random Japanese monsters from outer space." - dataangel

(Sorry, Voltron only counts with lions. Vehicle Voltron was weak. -CV)

"I am not going to make 'rear admiral' jokes, I am not going to make 'rear admiral' jokes, I am not going to make 'rear admiral' jokes..." - cheezdanish, drewbeartx

(Unfortunately, forty-two other people felt obliged. -AL&CV)

"The Subtext Armada. They were supposed to be the Buttsex Armada, but sadly, both Rear Admirals were dyslexic." - bookwoman84

"Prince Humperdink's armada. Well, every ship but his four fastest." - dorei

(+1, The Princess Bride. -CV)

"I wasn't even BORN yet." - kaptainsarcasm

(I'd be surprised if ANYONE here was born at that time. Even the mods aren't that old. -CV)

"What does a rear Admiral do? Are they in charge of everything behind a regular Admiral, or in charge of the regular Admiral's behind?" - shino_hoshi

(Well, that's a very good question. Nowadays, it's anyone's guess what they do. Originally, they were in charge of the rearmost ships in a fleet, usually supply and support vessels that were not front-line combat craft. -CV)

"The Spanish Armada" - wiredwizard
"No one expects the Spanish Armada!" - ANONYMOUS

"Ocean's 16" - jacesan, loopychew
"McHale's Navy?" - erisian_fields

"Figures it was commanded by men, doesn't it? They just have to go and sail around the world, instead of being sensible and grown-up about it and just stopping to ask for directions." - active_apathy

"My father was a Navy man, and he decided to go fishing for a great white off the coast of Australia (this was back during Vietnam). Dad got a boathook, a 3" thick line, and a side of beef from the cook. He put the beef on the hook, dangled it over the side of the ship, and waited. When the shark did show, it swallowed the entire side of beef, the boat hook, and bit through the 3" diameter rope. Dad said he got in so much trouble with the cook--he hadn't told the guy he'd be fishing with the beef, and the cook hadn't thought to ask the ship's commander what he wanted a third of a cow for" - deza

(The privileges of command. -AL)

"The Great White Fleet. Not very up with the camouflage at that point, where they?" - jonem

(Well, when you're sailing in the middle of the ocean, the only camo options are bluish-green with ripply bits. And the US Navy just said "Fuck subtlety. This here's our fleet. Bring it." -CV)

(And our glorious Commander in Chief STILL enjoys inviting enemy combatants to "bring it on". 'Cause he's a real Texas tough guy, you know. -AL)

"THAR SHE BLOWS! IT'S THE WHIIIIITE FLEEEEET! Oh, wait, nvm, it's just a normal GRAAAAAY FLEEEEET!" - drachechan

Correct Answer: The Great White Fleet



3. At the very end of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Saruman the White is discovered using what alias?

"Impaled Guy Under Water... Although I wonder if I'd have a different answer if I actually read the damn books." - jennnlee

"If this was in the movie, I don't remember. If it was in the books but not the movies, well, then I'll never know, because I haven't read them." - lotusbiosm

(Books, yes. Movie, no. -CV)

"I don't remember what alias he used. And I can't read the trilogy again, because I foolishly loaned the books to my family members. Never loan books to your family members. No, wait, your family members might be good, responsible people who return things they borrow instead of losing or ruining them; never loan books to my family members." - delordra

"Oooh...is this when everyone switched from so-and-so the White to so-and-so the Grey and vice versa? I liked that part. It made me want to pick my color. I will be henceforth known as Elizabeth the Bungalow Blue, and I will rule with an iron fist." - cefirus

(Your mods will henceforth be known as AL the Aubergine and CV the Plum Mist. -AL)

(And BTW, we still wield the only iron fists around here. -CV)

"Saruman, the Slightly Singed" - dawntreader90

"Saruman the Cracka" - the_wanlorn

"I believe that would be 'Sharkey.' Because, you know, the name Sharkey isn't suspicious at all. Silly naive hobbitses." - soimpossible414

(The Shire is a landlocked nation. They don't know a shark from a shillelagh. I bet there are tribesman in Mongolia that wouldn't blink an eye at someone named Sharkey. -AL)

"I remember that part. But only cause he goes and burns down the hobbit town while singing 'The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire!'" - galilei1283

"also seen in Laurie Anderson's songs 'Sharkey's Night' and 'Sharkey's Day'. 'The sun's coming up, like a big bald head. Rising up over Bag End. It's Sharkey's Day. It's Sharkey's Day today.'" - rikchik

"Saruman, which means "Man of Skill" was originally a Maia named "Curumo". He was called Curunír by the elves which means "the one of cunning devices" or "man of skill or craft" in Sindarin. The element curu means "craft, skill" and nír is a lenited form of dir, a masculine ending. He was also called "Curunír 'Lân", where 'Lân is from glân meaning "white."
As a wizard, Saruman originally wore white as he was one of the most powerful of the Order of Wizards. He was sometimes referred to as the "White Messenger". He is also sometimes referred to as "Chief" or "Chief of the Order of Wizards". Saruman later created the White Council and became "Head of the White Council". He was referred to as "Saruman the Wise" by others and himself, "Saruman the Ring-Maker" because he crafted at least one lesser ring of power, and "Saruman of Many Colors", showing his ambition for greater power, saying that white was only the beginning and could be written upon.
In Isengard, and in the Shire, Saruman used the name "Sharkey", most likely given to him by his armies. He believed that it was a term of affection, but the name most likely derived from the Orcish word "Sharkû" which means "Old Man"." - shadowkeeper

(I'm going to have to call webcheating on this one. Or at the least, copying a paragraph straight out of a Middle Earth encyclopedia. -CV)

(Agreed. Only vulgarbarbarian has this much Middle-Earth knowledge available in his brain. -AL)

Correct Answer: Sharkey

"Actually, in an unfilmed scene for the movie triology, Saurman survived the fall from Orthanc. He spends four years in the 'hood of Moria, selling crystal mith to anyone that could flash a few dollars. Eventually, he meets his old friend and new muse Radagast, who had some real down-and-out years and turned to spitting lyrics as a way to escape the dreary existence of an ore pusher in the Moria barrio. Saruman changes his name to Ice Sharky and he and Spitmeister R form WWH (Wizardz Wit Hatz). Unfortunately, Peter Jackson wanted more onscreen time for Orlando Bloom for his wife to diddle herself to, and the dream of finally giving LotR a decent ending was smashed." - fizrep



4. Name that tune!
"When that shark bites with his teeth, dear
Scarlet billows begin to spread
Fancy gloves though has macheath dear
So there's never, never a trace of red"

"This is a Grimm Fairy Tale, isn't it?" - kokopellinelli

(More like CSI: Baywatch. -CV)

"Don't Get Your Period While You're Swimming In Shark-Infested Waters" - deesarrachi

"I do have some nitpicks. First of all, I don't think 'macheath' is a word. Second of all, there are unnecessary words in the first line. 'When a shark bites with his teeth, dear'...what else is a shark supposed to bite with? His sarcasm? And just how do you know it's a he? Did you check for its claspers before jotting down these lyrics?" - whiski_sour

"Macheath? Who's that? Macbeth's lesser known but just as psychotic cousin?" - jerica

(Actually, I think it's Heath Ledger's Scottish cousin. -CV)

"I always thought that song was about cutlery, which confused me, because I never thought sharks had any need for knives, much less ones named Mack." - bookwoman84

"I always thought rather than 'scarlet billows' it was 'scullabillas'. Only I don't know what a scullabilla is (maybe it lives in the Australian desert), so you're probably right." - kiffany

(The LJDQ: it's all about the learnin'. Today we learned that "scullabillas" is not a word, not even in the Outback. -AL)

"Mack The Knife, not to be confused with Mac Tonight, the creepy moon-headed, piano-playing McDonald's promotion from the early 90's, now residing in the Retirement Home for Really Creepy Promo Characters (where i hope they also send the Burger King King thing... *shudder*)" - meepbitch

(The Burger King King is a criminal - he's a peeping Tom, looking in people's bedroom windows! They should send him to JAIL. -AL)

"'Mack the Knife' from Three-Penny Opera. Wasn't Sting in a revival of that?" - jennnlee

(Amazing how the Stingmeister works his way into every quiz. We didn't even intend for it to happen this time... -AL&CV)

"Damn you 'Three Penny Opera.' How can a show have only one singable tune? Oh, wait, 'Cats.' Nevermind." - xgreenjudasx

"What kind of world do we live in where parents get up in arms over violent video games but a song about a serial killer is considered classic?" - buzz

"My suitemate at a summer program used to sing that every bloody morning as she got ready for the day. This creeped me out to no end. Because wouldn't YOU be freaked if your suitemate sang a song about SERIAL KILLERS when brushing her teeth?" - ataralas

(I was humming it around the office last week until Des told me to stop it. +1 to me for freaking out my freakish boss. -AL)

Correct Answer: Mack The Knife

"Who, when he made it big, completely forgot about Fred the Fork and Joey the Spoon. Flashy bastard." - psychoticspy



5. Name that film!
"We're going to need a bigger boat."

"Jaws, and I bet 10 to 1 that everyone gets it no more than one person misses this one." - packbat

(You clearly did not account for the following:)

"Titanic." - a lot more than one person
"The Taco Bell chihuahua." - almost as many people
"Free Willy: Holy Shit, This Motherfucker's Heavy". - silent_r_infork
"Star Trek: OMGWTF Whales" - dataangel
"The Blockbuster Hit, My Father. A stirring tale of a work-a-day protagonist who can't help but be jealous of that 32-footer in the slip next to our 26." - okuninushii

"Elian! The Musical" - altoidsaddict

(You are going to Hell. -AL)

"Poseidon Adventure. It was said after Shelly Winters boarded the cruise ship." - dorei

(And I bet it was Ernest Borgnine who said it, too. -CV)

"Noah's Ark - the Untold Story" - alstaria

"Disclaimer: Shark Not Actual Size" - chershey

"As long as it's not one of the Scooby Doo movies, I'm fine." - iankeith

"You have to have the right equipment to deal with a salsa shark." - miss_tress

(+1, Clerks. -CV)

"God, LJDQ, I'm a poor boy living very far from the sea. The only thing I know about water is that it comes from the tap and has molecules that look like Mickey Mouse. Do I look like a freaking mariner to you? Geez." - marseverlasting

"'Jaws' gave sharks a bad name. Good thing Jabberjaw was around to spread the love." - slickrickt

"You know, when I worked at Universal Studios Hollywood as a tour guide, one of my jokes was 'We're going to need a bigger tram.' And when the diver went down in the lake, I said, 'Bye, chum!' Being a tour guide was an excersize in lame jokes. But I also got to talk to a thirty foot tall monkey four times a day." - cheezdanish

"We're going to need a bigger butt." - jacesan

(Contrary to what you might think, the J in J-Lo does not stand for Jaws. -CV)

"Jaws, which has yet to reach the holographic proportions nor the number of sequels shown in Back to the Future Part 2." - nike_victory

(True, although Jaws 3 was in 3-D. That's getting close. -CV)

"Jaws in 30 Seconds (and re-enacted by bunnies)" - meepbitch

"I suspect it's Jaws, just from the theme. But they also needed a bigger boat in The Perfect Storm. And a better script, and a worthwhile plot. It didn't help that I watched that movie with a bunch of conservatives who yelled 'Smut! Smut!' every time George Clooney and his girlfriend kissed." - technoinfidel

Correct Answer: Jaws

"As a sidenote, since you seem to enjoy Jaws, I recently heard that they are making another one soon and going old school and constructing a new mechanical shark..No CGI. Wild" - ferociousjeanne



6. Tell us a story about you and the ocean, or sea, or water of some kind.

"When I was 10, I decided to try my hand at boogie boarding for the first time. Boogie boarding is not a difficult sport. You don't have to do anything except hold onto the sides of a piece of fiberglass. Not tough. Unless, of course, you weigh 75 pounds.
I caught my first wave, which was dinky tiny, couldn't keep my grip on the board, and it went flying up into the air, and then landed on its edge. On my head. I ended up face down on the edge of the surf, unconscious.
I was knocked out by a three pound piece of fiberglass. Oh the shame." - cheezdanish

"When I was 16 my high school took a bunch of us to Europe for the summer. Yeah, I was rich, I had a pony, bite me. So there we were on the Normandy beaches, D-Day 1997. We only thought it appropriate to swim on the beach, since it was what all those brave men and women fought for way back in the day. So I swam out into the clean blue of the English Channel and turned to look back at the beachhead. I was standing there thinking of all the young men who had died taking the beach, the marines who never made it to shore because their gear dragged them to the bottom of the sea during aborted amphi landings, all the bodies washing up on the now pristine French Coast. Then I started thinking about the bones beneath my feet. That's when fucking Dave Tomlmy swam up behind my and snaked his skinny 16 year old fingers around my ankle. Dave now has two fake front teeth because apparently I can scream, run for shore, wet myself, and deliver a nasty heel kick all at the same time. Fucking marine zombies. Thus began my quest to destroy the ocean." - xgreenjudasx

"Uh...once when I was about four, the babysitter took me and the other kids she was sitting for a walk, and I sat in a mudpuddle on purpose. Then my nickname became Mudpuddle, and that's what I thought was my real name, so that's how I introduced myself to the woman who would become my third grade teacher. Then I got upset with her when she wouldn't believe me. Then during my high school graduation, the speaker, our old gym teacher, put pictures of me covered in mud up on the big screen (one from when I was small and another from the year before) and made sure everyone knew how much I liked mud. I tried to hide behind Nina, but my mortarboard was too wide." - kokopellinelli

"When my family would go boating, we would "do the dishes" by my Mom standing on the back of the boat and trying to skip them over the water, frisbee style to my Dad and I in the water. At the time, I felt really, really guilty for peeing in the water earlier that day and not telling anyone about then. I found out at some point, my Dad would actually wash the dishes later at night, but damn if I didn't think we were eating off pee-plates because of me." - okuninushii

"I went to the beach this past weekend. I got prickly heat in my crotch and sea weed stuck in my boobs." - animagiblender

"When my family was on vacation in Phuket, blah blah blah..." - bookwoman84

(Sorry, your answer ended the moment you said "Phuket". -CV)

"I tried to talk Kevin Costner out of doing Waterworld. It didn't work." - silent_r_infork

"My dad threw me in a lake once. I lost my glasses, and later that summer he fell through the dock. Karma or coincidence?" - jerica

(I usually call that karmincidence. -CV)

(I call it coincirma myself. -AL)

"Oh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?" - barwench23235

(-1, Spongebob. -CV)

"I once got a “hole in one” by hitting a Titleist into a whale’s blowhole." - slickrickt

(Even if this is completely fictional, +1 for using "titleist" and "blowhole" and "hole in one" in the same sentence. -CV)

"Here's some advice if you ever go snorkeling on the Great Barrier Reef - check the weather. We went on a day that was cold, raining, with choppy waves. Everyone on the boat was spewing their guts out. The german tourists were spewing. The korean tourists were spewing. It was an international buffet of spew." - vanbrosia

"I grew up in a Navy family, so I spent most of my childhood in close proximity to the ocean. Now, whenever I live too far away from the water, I over-salt all of my food just to get it to taste right." - deza

"Once upon a time there was a little smud ricker who liked to piss in the ocean. Aegir was not too pleased with that whole situation. I mean you would hate someone pissing on you or worse pissing in you. It's OK for fish, but humans?! "Get back to your land, you hairless monkeys, and piss there!" he could be heard saying. Anyway Aegir decided to get back at this smud.
One day this smud ricker had drank of much mead and was highly not able to walk or for that matter crawl very well. He made his way to the shores of Aegir and took a nice healthy piss. He was so relaxed after such a gigantic piss that he relaxed and went to sleep upon the sand. Aegir took on the physical form of a human shaped water elemental and walked out of the ocean and began pissing on smud. Smud woke up and lay agape at this large human shaped water thing pissing on him. Going agape was not the thing to do. Aegir aimed and starting pissing in the smud's mouth. Gallons and gallons of water went in to the little smud ricker's mouth, but he did not expand. Aegir stopped and smud just looked. Then water started pouring out of his mouth and ears. Aegir laughed and got Frey to turn the smud ricker into stone so that he would be like that for a very long time. Then Aegir and Frey had lots of mead and passed out drunk." - dancingsaracen

(And the spiffington Award for Total Gibberish goes uncontested to... dancingsaracen! -CV)

"Before my first check-out dive in the open ocean, I told the divemaster that I was really scared of sharks. He said, oh, fine, don't worry; we went and did the dive, and everything was fine. We're puttering along, he taps my shoulder and points to a group of fish, I turn to look. When I turn back, there's a shark three inches from my face. The jerk had put a shark puppet in the pocket of his dive vest. Hi-fricking-larious. I wonder how funny he would have thought it was if I had bolted to the surface and died of the bends." - fyreflyblue

(+1 to your divemaster. -CV)

"Now sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a daily quiz,
That comes out just one time a week, we wonder why that is?

The mods were two fine outstanding folks
Well known for their do-gooding
Each week they picked the best replies
Over 3 pounds of pudding
(yes, 3 pounds of pudding)

The quizlings pummeled them with puns
Their cookies they got tossed
But for their intestinal fortitude
The community would be lost

So come each week to their place in this uncharted Internet biz
With Angledge,
Chaosvizier too,
Some metaquoters (with no life)
A parodist, and all the rest
Here at the LJ Daily Quiz!" - captainsblog

(Outstanding song parody. +1. -AL&CV)



And there you have it. Tune in tomorrow for another chapter in the ongoing saga that is the LJDQ. Invite your friends to participate, for lo, it is good, like rolled up marbles of Wonder Bread dipped in butter, or peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches heated in a sandwich grill. Mmmmmmm...

Rock on,

AL&CV

Disclaimer: No sharks were harmed during the making of this quiz. I did eat a lot of fish, though.