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[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

"Before we start, I should note that I am doing this when I should be writing an important essay. Damn you, LJDQ, you foul temptress! Damn you!" - jonem

Once again, fair Quizlings, we bring you your weekly dose of internet cheer, brightening your Monday, & putting to rest that nagging question that's been tormenting you for a week - "What, oh WHAT was the theme for this week's LJDQ??" We have to admit, it was pretty subtle.

Oh heck, no it wasn't! Twice a year, your Quiz moderators indulge in a bit of megalomania & make themselves the theme of the Quiz. Egotistical? Yeah, maybe. Still allowed us to make a decent Quiz? Well, let's find out .....



1. Which pair of youthful nursery rhyme killers locked an elderly woman in an oven and burned her to death, after she caught them vandalizing her woodland cottage?

"I bet she tasted like chicken." - bobjanova

"It was just the start of the whole carb backlash. That poor woman, she was only trying to help them eat properly, and look how they repay her!" - samuraimeg

"I also find the idea of two children baking a woman in her own oven a bit barbaric. Couldn't they have used someone else's oven omg?!" - elenlilta

"Sounds like Hansel and Gretal are going to grow up as juvenile delinquents:
Teen-Hansel: 'Yo, got any candy on ya, punk?'
Random guy: 'Didn't your parents ever teach you not to take candy from strangers?'
Teen-Gretal: 'Hear that, Hansel? Let's pound him.'
Random guy: 'Eep.'" - twilight_angel

"Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, in a Simple Life episode gone awry. Putting two airheads in a senior outreach program seemed like great television at the time." - silent_r_infork

"Hansel and Goebbels?" - carlanime

"to be fair, elderly women taste like pecan pie after being baked." - tofusquirrel

"I'm sad she died though. I would've liked to get her recipie on how to make an entire, functional house out of candy. To lure the children, of course. They taste much better than ginger bread." - nekoama

"And the old woman would have gotten away with dispatching their sorry asses too, if it hadn't been for those meddling kids!" - exit_chrysalis

"*snickers* Well, that was me and my brother. But I swear it was an accident. My elbow slipped." - kokopellinelli

"Hey, she built a house out of freaking candy! What the hell do you expect? Hell, even without kids, the ants, man, the ANTS!" - vanbrosia
"'Vandalizing her woodland cottage'? It was made of lollies! It's practically BEGGING for vandalism!" - jetsam_porridge
"it was a house of LOLLY! what did she expect? two children to walk past and marvel at it's wonderful use of feng-shui?" - therhythmthief

"Dunno but it sounds like just another episode of Law and Order SVU.
*music*
3.45pm cottage in the woods
*music*
'Dude this is an ugly scene. They didn't go easy on the old lady. Threw her in the oven. What kinda sick wirdos did this?'" - caseypuffy

"CSI: Bavaria
Ep: Breadcrumbs
Catherine and Warrick investigate the gruesome burning death of a reclusive older woman, but Gil smells a rat when Hansel and Gretel, the children suspected of the crime, reveal a history of neglect and abandonment." - missplume

"Nibble nibble like a mouse, the ljdq folks are nibbling at my house... must be out of baby animals again. " - csflick

"remember the Bugs Bunny version, where everyone kept saying "Haaaansel? Haaaaaaaansel?" What was that about, anyway?" - dreamalynn

Correct Answer: Hansel and Gretel



2. What was the name of a group of medieval German cities that exerted control over European trade from approximately 1240 to 1440?

"Whoo, you're expecting quizlings to know German history outside the two world wars? Wow. You are some machoistic folks." - vanbrosia

"I can tell you about medieval castles - I did a report on them once. Let me tell you, it's really hard to write a research paper when most of your resources are very brightly colored illustrated children's books. It made the whole research process fun, though." - elenlilta

"The only thing I know of during that time period is the plague, and I'm pretty sure that wasn't in charge of trade." - amandathegreat

"Is there a German translation of 'La Cosa Nostra'?" - buzz

"Sgt. Schultz's Lonely Hearts Club Bund." - drbear

"Right, thank you American school system for being totally deficeint in teaching me European history. However, they were Teutonic cities, and hence had beer. You know what I like? Beer." - ataralas

"The Han Dynasty. I know that isn't right, but it fits with the week's theme, doesn't it? Han-something-or-other? Plus it makes me think of Joan Collins, which is always cool." - chlaal

"Renaissance Faires. They'd spring up for the weekends from may to august, selling shody turkey legs and wooden swords. Then they'd mysteriously disappear, leaving only trampled ground and forlorn townspeople mysteriously pregnant with Goth babies." - calankh

"the power-hungarians" - scarlethue

"The Hans Clan, led by David Hans-elhoff!" - prettypinkkitty

"I'm taking the AP test for European History tomorrow, and I don't know. Is this an indication that I should be studying instead of LJDQ'ing? Yes." - shannon_sue

"I read a German play once called The Weavers about a bunch of medieval weavers that revolted and attacked the wealthy people en masse." - delordra

(I really can't bring myself to be frightened by a revolution of weavers. "Alas! Yon weaver hath woven mine arm into a pillow of finery! Woe!" Even a revolution of beavers would be scarier. -CV)

"Hans-Mart. That's where roll back prices began." - whiski_sour

"Oh, those Germans. Always wanting to control Europe." - soimpossible414

"Everyone is always talking about how overweight Americans are. No one talks about the obesity problem in the German Government. It's so bad that the entire parliament had to be put on a Diet! A Diet of Worms! It's really tragic." - dorsey

"I thought we were an autonomous collective." - dark_goddess_

"No idea.. but would you agree that a good masturbatory euphamism is 'Handeling the Messiah?'" - tarpo

"The Zig Bloc. They said 'All your cities are belong to us'." - caseypuffy

"They were called the Hansa. The name today lives on in a brewery in Bergen, Norway, , thus ensuring that people remember historical facts like this, even after a few beers." - norwegianne

"The Hanseatic League, not to be mistaken for the Justice League of America, though they may also have worn capes. And hose, now that I think of it." - missplume

"So we spent an entire semester of World History in high school playing an all-class game of pseudo-Risk. I was the king of England, and I made an alliance with France, and we took over the pope and got excommunicated but used his money to kick the Holy Roman Emperor's ass, but the semester ended before I could gain control of all of Europe. As a result, I know virtually nothing about what actually happened in European history, but I do remember that the dude who was the Hanseatic League was being a total snot about making a treaty that would let me use his ships to take on Spain. Bitches." - fyreflyblue

Correct Answer: The Hanseatic League

"I am going to Germany in 10 days!!!!!! *Dance of Joy* I really have no idea what the answer to the question is but damn do I love Germany right now because I get to be out of the states for 3 months! *More Dance of Joy*" - midnight_emily



3. Name that movie and movie villian: "Alas, Mr. Takagi didn't see it my way, and so he won't be joining us for the rest of his life."

"[some James Bond film]" - about half of you.

(Wrong. James Wrong. -CV)

"Movies: eh. What can I say? I'm at text-based dinosaur surrounded by hordes of shrieking graphics based proto-mammals." - darkeros

(This answer had me shrieking with laughter. +1, scaring my cat. -AL)

"Alas, my movie-fu is weak, and so I won't know the answer to that question for the rest of this quiz." - delorda

"Wasn't Takagi the name of the sensei in The Karate Kid? No?" - cmzero

(No. That was Miyagi. -AL)

"Takagi? Isn't that a former Formula 3 and 3000 race driver, now in the Indy Racing League? Or a (now dead) mathematician, into Algebraic Number Theory)? Oh, wait a moment... movies... Isn't that the narrator in Galaxy Express 999, Totoro in Tonari no Totoro, Triter in Space Captain Harlock?" - theroach

(I sense .... a WEB CHEATER. -50 for trying to Google the answer! -AL)

"By Grabthar's Hammer I will blow up this building and steal the movie from Bruce Willis. I played Richard the III. There were five curtain calls. I was an actor once, damn it. Now look at me. Look at me. I am going to go find a pub." - hemloche

(+1, Galaxy Quest. -CV)

"What is it that Germans make such fine villians?" - bunyip

(We just do. We can't help ourselves. -CV)

"I'm gonna say Hans Gruber, in that movie that I haven't seen, but should. Especially if Alan Rickman is anywhere near as hot there as he is in the Harry Potter movies. And now I'm pretty sure that I've mentally disturbed somebody, so y'all get to take a drink." - soimpossible414

(I have to say, I don't understand the Snape-is-sexy thing AT ALL. So I'll take that drink, thankyouverymuch. -AL)

(There are a lot of parts of the Harry Potter fanfic universe that make me want to drink. -CV)

"No, no, the best line Hans Gruber spoke in Die Hard was: 'Now I have a machine gun...ho, ho, ho.'" - anonymisty

"The villain is of course Hans Snape, Sherrif of Nottingham." - feste

(I guess this answer is correct, plus a +2 for Harry Potter & Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. -AL)

"Iron Chef: The Movie! That was clearly the replacement for whoever kills the Chairman, speaking to the assembled chefs who are being assigned to cook a delicious dish using only the remains of 60 rats and 4 gallons of Jagermeister." - ctakahara

Correct Answer: "Die Hard. Hans 'Sexy Eurotrash' Gruber." - snarkymarcy

"Yippee-kai-yay, motherfucker!" - lyzz13



4. Which Swedish-born diplomat was in charge of overseeing United Nations weapons inspections in Iraq from 1991 to 2003?

"Man, isn't he the one who got fired for bouncing through a weapons hangar pinging warheads with a wooden spoon, shouting, 'BORKBORKBORK!'?" - ladylyonesse

"Random: go to the Muppets web site and head to the Swedish chef's area. I just had the most fun in whacking food!" - akiyasan

"Pippi Longstocking" - wiredwizard

(Those books RULED. -AL)

"*insert løveli lakes and møøse joke here*" - crunk_is_a_drug
"YUTTE HERMSGERVØRDENBRØTBØRDA, Møøse trainer" - shannon_sue

(Møøse bytes kan be pretti nasti... -CV)

"Helen Keller." - cmzero
"Stevie Wonder." - lots42
"the inspector Closseau of the real world" - mcclintock

(So ... what you're all saying is that there are WMD to be found in Iraq? If so, why haven't coalition troops found them yet? I'm pretty sure they've been looking for them. -AL)

(Ray Charles could have seen that joke coming. -CV)

"Mr Does-No-One-Read-My-Damn Reports." - liseuse

"Uhmmm..... Does it matter? It's not like our government believed him or anything." - spyderqueen

(Can't we still recognize the poor guy for trying? -AL)

"Halloh. My name is hands and I'm looking for arms." - allieg

(Yeah, I haven't heard that joke throughout the past 142 years of my life... -CV)

"Hans Where-I-can-see-them? Hans In-the-air-like-you-just-don't-care? I don't know." - shino_hoshi

"All that's coming to me is Hans Bethe. And I'm pretty sure Bethe was not a UN weapons inspector, but rather developed nuclear theory for the Manhattan Project. Oh, and I think he worked on bremsstrahlung radiation. (such the best name evar!) There's something sort of fitting about me coming up with a Manhattan Project scientist for a question about weapons inspectors. Or perhaps I'm just rambling." - ataralas

(Rambling about nuclear physics does somehow get you another -1 on the Geek Of The Week scoreboard. -AL&CV)

"The only people I know from Sweden are ABBA and Ace of Base. Ace of Base seems like the obvious choice for weapons inspection: they saw the sign." - marseverlasting

"Dag Hammarskjold. I know that isn't right, but it's just so much fun to say. It sounds like you're cussing in Swedish, but you're really just making an erudite commentary on world affairs! (Actually, I think the correct answer to this question is Hans Blitz, but maybe I'm still stuck on the Donner and Blitzen question from a couple of weeks ago. Oh ljdq, how you have taken over my brain!)" - chlaal

"Where can you see Swedish-born diplomats? Only in the UN...come to the UN, we've got Swedish-born diplomats..." - puredeadthingy

(+1, weird reference to the Lions in Kenya song. Which I will not link to. Again. -CV)

"Wait! Hans Blix? Hah! Thank goodness these things have themes, or I wouldn't have figured that out. I only know that because of the movie Team America:World Police though. That was a great movie." - i_am_that_is

"Silly LJDQ! Hans Blix is for kids!" - dark_goddess_

Correct Answer: Hans Blix

"My (then) infant daughter used to stop crying whenever she heard Hans Blix speaking. It’s true! My parents actually kept a videotape of one of his press conferences, just in case they needed it. " - slickrickt



5. What is the name of the commander of the Millennium Falcon? Throw in your favorite Star Wars quote, too.

"I'm starting to get a vague sense of a Harrison Ford obsession. Isn't this the third week in a row with a HF related question?" - badgerbabe

(Hmmm. You are correct. I will have to discuss this further with my therapist. -AL)

(No Harrison Ford next week, we promise. -CV)

"Lando Calrissian before that thief SOLO won it from him in a Sabaac game. Damn bastard, how dare he go and become all history making like that." - umbralcorax

(Several Quizlings noted that there are two correct answers to this question. While that's true, there's really only one that matched the theme. But full credit to all Lando answers. -AL&CV)

"HA! Not a Han answer! The original commander was Lando Calrissian, you douchebag! Your plot to control our minds by subtle use of your name has failed like a fat kid running thirty feet! My, I'm using exclamation points at the end of every sentence!" - silent_r_infork

"Ahh, Star Wars. It was nourishment for my developing brain as a young child. Which possibly explains a lot, like my tendency to fill tense silences with Darth Vader breathing." - jetsam_porridge

"HAN SHOT FIRST!" - bless all of you old-schoolers.

(And now, for the quotes:)

"I have a bad feeling about this." - theferret & many others

"Who're you callin' scruffy-lookin'?" - ajmcoqui

"don't EVER tell me the odds!" - ctakahara

"Laugh it up, fuzzball." - flawed_karma

"Wonderful girl. Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to like her." - therhythmthief

"Well, you can forget your troubles with those Imperial slugs. I told you I'd outrun 'em. [Nobody is paying attention] Don't everyone thank me at once." - the_wanlorn

"Chewbacca: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrgh
C-3PO: He made a fair move. Screaming about it can't help you.
Han Solo: Let him have it. It's not wise to upset a Wookiee.
C-3PO: But sir, nobody worries about upsetting a droid.
Han Solo: That's 'cause droids don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose. Wookiees are known to do that.
Chewbacca: Grrf.
C-3PO: I see your point, sir. I suggest a new strategy, R2: let the Wookiee win." - lyzz13

"Han Solo: Together again.
Luke: Wouldn't miss it.
Han Solo: How we doin'?
Luke: Same as always.
Han Solo: That bad, huh?" - bunyip

"rebel guy-'You'll freeze before you reach the first marker.'
Han Solo-'Well, then I'll see you in Hell!'" - calankh

(One of my personal favorites. -AL)

"You have failed me for the last time." - dreamalynn

(One of my personal favourites. -CV)

"I just love how whiny Luke is when he says 'But I was going into Taashi Station to pick up some power converters!'" - conjurdude

"You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy." - alliterator

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid." - vlvtjones

"Han Solo: You said you wanted to be around when I made a mistake, well, this could be it, sweetheart.
Princess Leia: I take it back." - invalidcaracter

"I'm not entirely sure how to quote the noise that the lightsabers make, or the sound of the stormtrooper banging his head on the doorframe and nearly knocking himself out. That's how to make a movie a classic people." - liseuse

"As for my favorite quote, it would obviously have to be 'May the force be with you.' It always makes me think of church, and I want to reply 'And also with you.' Which of course, I do." - seregwen

(GREAT, now I will totally be thinking of SW at church. -AL)

"There is only one quote that counts from Star Wars, and it's my personal motto. Said by Princess Leia: 'I don't know who you are or where you've come from, but from now on you'll do as I say, okay?'" - sesmo

"Favorite quote, by Princess Leia: 'Governor Tarkin, I should have expected to find you holding Vader's leash.' The dark side was a kinky place to be." - whiski_sour

"I am not a committee!" - deza

"PWN you, I will.' - Yoda, right before his duel with Count Dooku in Ep II. Okay, maybe not, but let's pretend." - vanbrosia

"And my favorite quote is, 'Repaint the damn hull, Chewie, 'Millennium' has two N's in it!'" - captainsblog

(I know, I know. There were TWO typos in this week's Quiz. I'll send a memo about it to the QA/QC Department. -AL)

Correct Answer: Han Solo



6. What's the bestest thing EVAR OMG about my fabulous co-moderator, chaosvizier?

(Let me just state that CV himself had NO IDEA what I planned for Question #6 this week. And neither did I ... which is why we ended up with this wacky question. Writing Quiz questions at the last second leads to sub-par questions. But thanks for playing along with us anyway. I'm sure it made my co-mod smile. -AL)

"He is a veritable fountain of comic and cartoon knowledge, *and* he knows how to spell those big words you find in medical journals. What a renaissance man!" - ajmcoqui

"Chaosvizier's LJ name contains 4 out of 5 daily recommended vowels!" - ellenneithernor

"I'm sure he'll agree with me with saying that his best feature is putting up with you? *hides from the rampant point deduction*" - twilight_angel

"He's a Cornell alumnus. Go Big Red!" - fyreflyblue

"His love of pudding knows no bounds, but not in creepy way. He just likes pudding but in a manly non-erotic way. Just good old-fashioned love of pudding." - midnight_emily

"Hansy keeps me entertained all afternoon at work on IM. I bet a lot of people are going to say that." - marasca

"That weird dream I had about the furry orgy at chewbaccas. You should have SEEN the 'cowardly lion' costume he was wearing!" - shes_precious

"He didn't mod me down when I asked my cat for help on the LJDQ." - buzz

"The fungus on his armpits could cure at least three diseases, but he's too petty to let the CDC take a look at it. That's my boy." - silent_r_infork

(They just haven't met my price yet. But they will, in time. -CV)

"That groovy linklist he keeps in his LJ. There's some cool stuff in there, especially that flash movie with the cow and the kinky farmer." - dracothelizard

"'VIZIER' would be the most AWESOME WORD EVAR to play in Scrabble, especially if I could plant that Z on a triple letter." - iankeith

"3 years homicide free!" - wiredwizard

(I'm afraid that after this weekend, that is no longer true. -CV)

"*looks suspicious* Are you his pimp?" - puredeadthingy

(Well now, I'm not about to admit to something illegal like that in a public forum, now am I? But drop me an IM sometime & we'll talk ... -AL)

"I plead the fifth. What I think is the bestest about chaosvizier would definitely incriminate me." - sskipstress

"Hard to really say.. but I mean.. its like a baby's arm holding an apple.. Really.. Livestock cringe at the mere thought.. Its a registered weapon.. The man is like the punchline to a dirty joke.. Its more like part of a tripod really.. Need I go on? Of course I do! Its like some long lost decendant of a redwood forest. You can crack coconuts with it.. I hear it has its own mailing address. 13 beer cans! but the 14th crow does have to stand on one foot.." - tarpo

(It's been a while since we've had a candidate for the spiffington Award For Total Gibberish. Give tarpo a hand! -CV)

"What can you say about a man who lets his picture be displayed in active-X format with pudding every week?" - captainsblog

"He works for the UN, so he's part of the New World Order people keep going on about. And I, for one, welcome our evil new overlords." - lyzz13

"Well, once or twice he replied to my fangirlish comments, which made me squee all in my pants, because did I mention I'm a fangirl? For you guys? Haha, bet that just made your whole entire day. And now you're going to mock me. I know it." - actualfiction

(We've told you before, we adore each & every one of our Quizlings. We prefer to mock you all for other things, like blatantly wrong answers ...)

"She eats weird cute things!" akiyasan

(I guess Hans is now a genderbender! -AL)

"I only wish I knew! You'll tell us newbies the right stories, won't you? :)" - ladylyonesse

(Hans & I have been friends for nearly 14 years now. The stories I could tell on him are matched only by the stories he could tell on me. So ... no, I won't be saying a word. -AL)

"'Ode to a LJDQ Mod'
O wild chaosvizier, thou breath of LJ's being,
Thou, to whose unseen presence the quizlings
Are driven, like ghosts from an enchanter fleeing,
Yellow, and black, and pale, and hectic red,
Trivia-seeking multitudes: 0 thou,
Who choosest from the scores that you have read
The noblest answers, where they lie cold and low,
Each like a corpse within its grave, until
The quiz day dawns, and angledge shall blow
Her clarion o'er the dreaming earth, and post
(While quizlings come like flocks to read and share)
The chosen answers, bonus points, and boasts:
Pudding Spirit, which art moving everywhere;
Our Leader and Preserver; hear, O hear!
(That sound you hear is Shelley rolling over in his grave.)" - soimpossible414

(WOW. +5 for a frikkin' ODE. -AL)

Correct Answer: "The bestest thing about CV is his biting wit, his fine and subtle command of the humor inherent in everyday life, his deep appreciation for irony and sarcasm (two great tastes that...you know). In short, he brings the funny, and for that we can all be grateful. Especially on Mondays." - chlaal

Thanks for playing, everybody. Now that CV is old again and has finally sobered up, we can go back to our regularly scheduled non-narcissistic quizzy goodness. Oh, and Happy Belated Mother's Day for any of you who might be all motherly and stuff. That's good. Peace out everyone, and as always, new quiz tomorrow.

Rock on,

CV&AL.