LJ Daily Answers: 25 February 2005

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Earlier this week, our American player base celebrated President's Day, where we sort of remember some of our more decent Glorious Leaders. Everybody else in the world just went to work like normal. Anyway, in recognition, we came up with a quiz on US Presidents.

Actually, we just did it to see how much hate we could get from all you foreigners out there. Mmmm, sweet tasty hatred. It feeds our souls.

A hearty welcome to guest moderators marasca and sskipstress, who did a fine job helping out, especially on Thursday when I was laid low with vile poisons.

Onward!



1. Both a brand of tennis balls, and an American President.

"I see the word "ball" and I want to say "Titleist". For the longest time I thought they were called "titless". Just imagine my father's horror the first time I caddied for him." - the_headhunter

(In all fairness, I always thought they were called "titliest". I had no idea what made something the most titly of all things, but I wanted it. Badly. -CV)

"tennis balls have brands? They're not just generic balls of yellow death that come out of nowhere seeking the vastly uncoordinated such as myself in order to inflict comic concussion?" - velvetandlace

"This is a time when I wish I played tennis, or at least paid attention in English history class..." - norwegianne

(Do they teach American Presidents in English history classes? - S)

"Venus? Serena? That stupid blonde russian chick? Oh wait, she doesn't have balls. But then again, anything is possible with athletes from Mother Russia." - uninhibitedmuse

"Tennis balls are spherical, neon green, and fuzzy. I can't think of any presidents that share the latter two traits, but Taft was roughly spherical and supposedly got stuck in a bathtub. Therefore, Taft." - elsajeni

"Warren 'Yellow Balls' Harding" - silversmoke

"Which reminds me...next week on Lost, the raft will be ready to go. Can anyone say...Cast Away? Wilson!! Hang on, Wilson!!" - pride4u2

"I wonder if Woodrow Wilson was any good at tennis. I bet he wouldn't have looked very good in a little white skirt, though." - delordra

(You don't have to wear a white skirt to play tennis anymore. You can also dress as a skanky hip-hop girl!
-M)

"Woodrow Wilson. Who had a cerebral hemmorrage in the last bit of his presidency and kinda went a little batshit insane. Which is why we have the UN, and not the League of Nations." - ataralas

"Wilson has been haunting me lately. His name keeps cropping up in West Wing episodes and in books I look at in the library. They're not even history books. I await the day when zombie Wilson comes pounding on my door. "Leeeeeague of Naaaaaations," he'll moan. I will fend him off by shoving a copy of CRA '64 through his eyesocket, destroying his brain." - lilitou

"he's also one of the four presidents that has his first and last name start with the same letter" - weirdwriter

Correct Answer: (Woodrow) Wilson

"Also a grumpy old man who was constantly badgered by Dennis the Menace." - irisamergin



2. Both a luxurious Town Car, and an American President.

"What exactly is a town car? How can you have a car, thats a town?" - allieg

"The most influential Transformer ever" - tabbyclaw

"Ten feet tall and with power windows, I call him...PRESMOBILE. His policy making is as smooth as his transmission!" - velvetandlace

"Batmobile. President Batmobile." - elsajeni

"American car -> that car in the Muppet Movie -> President Studebaker?" - tronella

"how cool would it be to have a president named Chevrolet?" - weirdwriter

"Saab....'Cause I'm sure we can all name at least one or two presidential SOBs...." - gossamer_gull

"I want to see the car wearing a stovepipe hat. That'd just be funny." - roadparty

"its lincoln, and heres a fun fact thats also the capitol of nebraska.....or nevada.....one of those" - spam_with_wings

"the best product spin-off was the Lincoln Log. It's Log! It's Log! Fun for a girl or a boy!" - mcclintock

(+1, The Ren and Stimpy Show. -CV)

"My grandparents used to have one of the cars. It was remarkably huge, and kind of doofy looking. Just like the president." - irisamergin

"It would have to be luxurious, I've seen how big the dude was. I've been to his monument." - buzz

"It's hard to be funny about getting shot in the head." - hitferret

(True, but we can try...
Q: What do you get if you cross Abraham Lincoln with John F. Kennedy?
A: A complete skull!
*cue drum-and-cymbal-crash* -CV)

"Lincoln. My dad's obsession with cars is helping me answer LJDQ!" - nekoama

"my grandfather had a Lincoln, and it was anything but luxurious. It had those seats you stick to in the summer unless you put a towel down first, and the back seat had a big rip in it, and the whole thing smelled of cigar smoke. My Saturn station wagon is more luxurious. So I'm gonna say Saturn instead, because he may very well be our president in 3112." - princesskraehe

(And I for one will welcome our new Saturnian overlords. -CV)

"Kennedy. Oh, no. Wait, he was an American President *killed* in a luxurious Town Car. Actually that reminds me. It'd be a darn co-incidence if Abraham Lincoln was killed in the Kennedy Theatre. After all a week before his death Abraham Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy's death he was in Marilyn Monroe." - m31andy

(He was shot in Ford's Theater. Different car. -CV)

"'I freed the slaves, repaired the union, and got shot and all I got was this lousy car' Lincoln." - lyzz13

Correct Answer: (Abraham) Lincoln



3. Both a gigantic dam on the Colorado River, and an American President.

"Hey, are vacuum's Hoovers because Hoover really sucked?" - roadparty

(Number of jokes like this one: 22. -CV)

"I don't know his name, but he was a dam bad president." - velvetandlace

(Number of puns like this one: 14. -CV)

"wasn't that the dam Chevy Chase broke in Vegas Vacation?" - delordra

"I'm pretty sure that Rutherford B. Hayes IS the gigantic dam in the Colorado River." - sienna_blaze

(That's just mean. +1. -CV)

"I was almost over the nightmares about the horrible research project I had to do on damming the Colorado River. Thank you." - tabbyclaw

(here at ljdq we aim to please - S)

"President Beaver." - jacesan
"Beaverzilla" - profsparky

"Well, dams are made by beavers, and beavers eat wood, so dams are made out of wood, and so are George Washington's teeth, so it must be Washington." - elsajeni

(And the gruyere Award For Logic Renunciation goes to... elsajeni! -CV)

"Computer games aren't *that* bad Mother, just see all I learn from playing Civilization: Hoover Dam and President Herbert Hoover." - norwegianne

"What a multitasker ole Herbert was. He even wore dresses and ran the FBI!" - uninhibitedmuse

(J. Edgar and Herbert were two different levels of suction. -CV)

Correct Answer: (Herbert) Hoover

"Little known fact is if you get your Johnson Hoover'd you've had a Clinton." - mcclintock



4. Both a wagon driver, and an American President.

"bumping up and down in my little red wagon, bumping up and down in my little red wagon, bumping up and down in my little red wagon, wont you be my darlin.........what was the question? - spam_with_wings

"How about Niles? That's a stereotypical chauffeur/butler name." - dracothelizard

"A wagon driver? Is that like a pile driver? Can the Undertaker take you out in a half a second with one?" - roadparty

(Yes, no, maybe, yes - S)

"Coachmen? once my ex-boyfriend was shrooming, and he became convinced that coach bags (like the expensive little handbags) were so expensive because they were made from the skin of coachmen, and that with the leftover meat from the people they started a local resturaunt. He could never eat there again." - lostreality

"When I was a kid, I used to play Oregon Trail for hours and hours. You know what was really fun? Getting the whole wagon train hopelessly lost, and then killing off your party." - delordra

(That was a very popular course of action among many quizlings, as we learned in this quiz. You all are bad people. -CV)

"A wagon driver? That makes me think of the Amish, so I'm going with President Harrison Ford, because of that film. Where he wasn't actually Amish. Oh well." - _ducks

(+1, Witness. -CV)

"That one mouse from Cinderella?" - tabbyclaw

"President Jemimah." - tronella

"Now, I think, is as good a time as any for a musical interlude:
We are the medicore presidents
You won't find our faces on dollars or on cents!
There's Taylor, there's Tylor, there's Fillmore and there's Hayes,
There's William Henry Harrison - I died in thirty days!

We are the
Adequate
Forgettable
Occassionally regrettable
Caretaker presidents of the U. S. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" - velvetandlace

Correct Answer: (Jimmy) Carter

"Who the heck drives a wagon these days (besides the Amish and other extremist groups, but that's a whole another story, and Hayrides)? Because they need to GET WITH THE PROGRAM. Hello, we have the technology to make pollution-spilling cars to cause us to angst about the "Ozone Layer" and "Global Warming"! Who want a wagon, when you can cause massive amounts of world chaos when you go out to get milk at reasonble hours?" - nosesonapole



5. Both an (alleged) pedophile, and an American President.

"Johhny Depp in the forthcoming 'Wilky Wonka' movie." - akiyasan

"James 'Give the tykes a' Polk" - silversmoke

"I don't remember there being any Catholic priests being elected President" - buzz

"Well, it's not Bill Clinton. He was an uglophile. (Paula Jones? Monica? My god, he was the President and he could only get ugly rednecks?)" - lots42

"Santa Claus was president? When the hell was that?" - sasscat

(Unfortunately the story didn't get picked up in many papers because they were all too busy covering the Michael Jackson jury selection thing. -M)

"Pee Wee Buchanon" - i_am_that_is

"insert 'little boys pants 1/2 off' joke here" - notpunk

"Action Jackson" - mcclintock

(I'm all in favor of Carl Weathers for President. +1. -CV)

"You dare defile the good name of Andrew Jackson?" - dpaul007

(We do dare. -CV)

"Jackson. And you should be so freaking proud of yourselves, including an African-American icon in the quiz during Black History Month (which is also the shortest month of the year, not to sound all chip-on-the-shoulderish, I'm just saying)." - aqua_blurr

"I associate the president with Euler's number. See, the calc prof wanted us to remember e. So he held up a $20 bill. There is nothing that gets a student's attention faster than cash. (ok, except sex. and as much as I love jokes that combine math and sex, this isn't one of them.) He tells us we just have to remember the 2.7 part. Jackson was elected (or inaugurated. A history student, I'm not) in 1828. This is important, so it gets in there twice. Then the professor folded the corner of the bill down so it made a 45-90-45 triangle, and those were the next digits. Therefore, I will never forget that Euler's number is 2.718281828459045, out to 15 decimal places. how to connect capitalism, math theory, american history, and geometry in one lesson." - calankh

(Now that I have easily memorized e to 15 decimal places, I can safely award you this week's Geek Of The Week award, complete with -e^0 points. -CV)

"Andrew Jackson was way, way cooler than Michael Jackson. Andrew kept the Civil War from happening 45 years earlier. Michael, on the other hand, is a white woman with no nose." - delordra

"Jackson. Michael being the NAMBLA representative, Andrew being the one with balls. The kind of balls that make you ballsy enough to chase after the guy who tried to assassinate you and beat him with your cane. Balls of solid lead. (Also the kind of balls that make you slaughter Indians. Maybe it was the lead poisoning. From the balls.) They do share more than a last name, though... They both look like mental patients. Check out the hair." lilitou

Correct Answer: (Andrew) Jackson



6. Both a striped cat and an American President.

"Hobbes (his VP was Tigger)" - profsparky

"I hope no one says Bush. Because that’s bad. Bad, bad. Bad! I can't believe I even thought of that!" - modestlobster

"Tabby, as we all know, is Jimmy Carter's nickname in private. A mediocre president, an international worker for peace, and a closet furry." - 3jane

(That's just... eeewwww. -CV)

"I'm sure many a First Lady has called the President "Tiger," but frankly I'm okay not knowing which ones, specifically." - freedomfry

"All I can think of is Grover, as in Grover Cleveland. But Grover isn't a striped cat; he's a blue Muppet. And I don't remember a President Cheshire or Morris." - gossamer_gull

"Tiger. Leopard. Uhm... PrResident Zebra-in-disguise?" - dracothelizard

"President Bagpuss!
" - tronella

(Oh you wacky British and your wacky British programming... -CV)

"The president was most well known for hocking hairballs onto the Oval Office carpet. I believe they point out the stains during the tour." - whiski_sour

"I'll have to ask my cat the answer to this one when I get home. What? Why are you looking at me like that?! Doesn't anyone else ask their cats for help on the LJDQ?! I checked the rules and it doesn't say anything about not being allowed to ask your cat for help." - buzz

(Well, to be fair, it doesn't say that in the rules. But if you ask your cat and he googles the answer, that's right out. -CV)

"Like Garfield, my cat also likes lasagna. But my cat is weird. I wonder if President Garfield liked lasagna." - delordra

"Calico? Is it a calico? K, now I have visions of a President wandering round the White House after and election and peeing on the furniture." - puredeadthingy

"Garfield. Funny how the history textbooks always overlook the great Raisin Pie prohibition during his presidency." - i_am_that_is

Correct Answer: (James) Garfield



7. Both a shallow place in a river, and an American President.

"A ... shallow place ... in a river. A shallow bit of water. President Puddle?" - _ducks

"Puddles, the Overenthusiastic President." - tabbyclaw

"Sandbar. His cousin was General Ackbar." - whiski_sour

(+1, Return of the Jedi. - S)

(Farkers, say it with me: IT'S A TRAP! -CV)

"Bush! It's Bush! 'Cause you never change horses mid-stream. The diapers get all muddy and the sticky tabs don't stick." - aqua_blurr

"I'm gonna take 'Obscure Things I Can't Remember" for two-hundred please, Alex." - uninhibitedmuse

"Where I Dump My Bodies" - lots42

(Apparently lots42 likes to make it easy for them to find the bodies - S)

"All I can think of by way of a 'shallow place in a river' is someone sticking their head in the water and beating on the rocks. I think I need to back away from 'The Lord of the Rings' for a while." - akiyasan

"Umm.... My brain is dead, and I don't think we had any presidents named Eddy, but that's a name that has something to do with rivers...?" - melster

"Han Solo...::grins::..." - ataralas

"I already used Ford, so I'm going to claim that's what Roosevelt means in Dutch." - 3jane

"Oh-Shit-I've-Lost-My-Balance-Argh-Splash? His parents had a thing for barrelled names." puredeadthingy

"Ford, you're turning into a penguin, stop it." - eridanusus

(Because angledge is on hiatus, I take this opportunity to award +1 for a HHGTTG reference - S)

"My parents live in Ford Lane, so called because it goes up a hill, turns left, goes down a hill, round the church, past a few fields, down another hill and into a river that you can't see from their house, so I'm going with that." - tronella

"Ford. The only president to have women try to assassinate him. (Twice.) I think. Unless I pulled that out of my ass. Stephen Sondheim taught me everything I know about presidential assassination, so whenever I think about politically-motivated killings, I have to forcibly stop myself from rhyming." - lilitou

"Fjord! He was Scandanavian. That explains it all, really." - roadparty

Correct Answer: (Gerald) Ford



8. Both an American President, and an American President.

"Nepotism technically has its root in the Latin "nepos" (nephew), so although it has come to mean boosting any relative to power in business, for more accuracy we should use a different term for getting your idiot son in office. I propose patrivertism, from the Latin patria (country) and everto (ruin)." - feochadan

"Well DUH. That's like trying to discuss if Duran Duran is neither a Duran nor or a Duran. I mean if one isn't a Duran then obviously the other one isn't a Duran." - buzz

"*blinks* Is this like Outer Drive in Detroit? You can sit at the corner of Outer Dr. and Outer Dr." - mlewys

(And I thought the variable one-ways streets in DC were confusing - S)

"Ooh, American President! I like that movie. Harrison Ford is hot." - ccaretta

(Harrison Ford was President in Air Force One. -CV)

"Martin Sheen and Michael Douglas." - sienna_blaze

"Bush & Bush (very tasty)" - trouble166

"Roosevelt. Teddy and Franklin. One charged up San Juan Hill on a horse and one ran over people in a wheelchair." - whiski_sour

(I seem to have missed that part of Sunrise at Campobello... -CV)

"This has two answers! See, I know things! It could be either Adams or Roosevelt, and I have stuff to say about both of them!

See, earlier tonight my boyfriend and I were watching the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue... Show, or something, on SpikeTV, because it had nekkid ladies and we are both big supporters of anything with nekkid ladies provided the nekkid ladies are hot, and for some reason during a commercial break they showed Teddy Roosevelt making out with one of the nekkid ladies. "Hey, that's Teddy Roosevelt!" says the boyfriend. "Makes sense. Roosevelt's hot. I'd do him," say I. "Me too," says the boyfriend. Who is all kinds of straight. Clearly, Roosevelt has the opposite version of James Bond's Magical Cock Of Straightness that he used on Pussy Galore.

John Quincy Adams is among my absolute favorite presidents. He installed toilets in the White House, and as a direct result there was a brief fashion for calling toilets "quincies." I wish, I wish, this particular slang term had lasted." - elsajeni

(Although this question has more than two answers, your use of the phrase "Magical Cock Of Straightness" more than makes up for the missing ones. -CV)

"Are you looking for the Bushes, the Johnsons, the Harrisons or the Adamses? If everyone else answers Bush, I'm going to be sad." - lyzz13

(Be sad. Everyone lived up to your expectations. -CV)

"I assume you mean the only president to serve two non-consecutive terms, which would be a blue muppet from a city by Lake Erie. See how I mixed history, pop culture, and geography there to come up with Grover Cleveland? Yeah, I'll go sit in the geek/nerd/loser corner now." - delordra

(Your wisdom is impressive. We were looking for "same last name, different people, both Presidents." But I'll let you and anyone else who mentioned Cleveland have credit anyway. -CV)

Correct Answers: Adams (John and John Quincy), Johnson (Andrew and Lyndon), Harrison (William and Benjamin), Roosevelt (Theodore and Franklin), Bush (George and George W.)
...and Cleveland (Grover and Grover)

"And after 2008, Clinton!" - lostreality

(Fate forfend... -CV)



9. Both the son of Pendragon, and an American President.

"And a cartoon Aardvark!" - cloakedstoat

(So THAT'S what he is! +1 for answering a question that had been plaguing me for days. -M)

"Billy 'Round as a Table' Taft." - silversmoke

"Obviously Pendragonsson. He was a Viking, you know." - profsparky

(Did you know that Viking is a job description, not a nationality? - S)

"What is Pendragon? It's either a dragon holding a pen, or it sounds like it might be some nasty childhood disease." - gnomeprincess

"Pendragon... that sounds like fantasy... which is similar to science fiction, so i'm gonna go with Orson Scott Carter." - torg17

"Pendragon -> Luther Pendragon -> Lex Luthor. Who was president in the comics, I think. Fictional presidents? Either you're cheating or I'm wrong. I'll go with the latter :)" - tronella

(Good plan - S)

"My favorite knight was Sir Dinadan. Lancelot was all like, 'Jousting, w00t!' And Dinadan was like, 'Screw that shit.'" -gossamer_gull

"While Arthur or Uther Pendragon come to mind, I think I'll go with the more obscure Calvin Pendragon, better known as Crazy Uncle Moishe." newbia

"I don't think we have had a President Modred yet." - silent_r_infork

"Um, if Chester Arthur was the Once and Future King returned, then I think his original accomplishments must have been a bit exaggerated." - delordra

"Hmm… Pendragon… Pentagon… Pants a goon… Blue Lagoon… Dude, Brooke Shields was hot back in the day." - aqua_blurr

(Full credit. -CV)

"I am Arthur, King President of the Britons Americans!
Old Woman: President of the who?
Arthur: The Americans!
Old Woman: Who're they?
Arthur: We all are, we are all Americans. Except for those of you who aren't white men.
Old Woman: Well I didn't vote for you.
Arthur: That's because you're a woman and it isn't 1919 yet.
Besidest, You don't vote for President directly.
Old Woman: Well, how'd you become President then?
Arthur: The Electoral College, their arms clad in the purest shimmering...coats, held aloft a larger number of votes than my opponent, signifying by Divine Providence a sort of majority of the people that I was to become President.
Old Woman: Well that's a stupid system.
Arthur: Bloody peasants." - ciara_belle

(+1, Monty Python and the Holy Grail. -CV)

"So I use the Garfield L stops, and the automatic messaging goes "This is ____, next stop is _____". I've also got a large group of really dorky friends, so pulling into the Garfield stop inevitably includes the following exchange:
Automated message: "This is Garfield, Next stop is..."
Friends: "CHESTER A. ARTHUR!"
*facepalm*" - ataralas

Correct Answer: (Chester) Arthur



10. Both a verb meaning "to stab or penetrate", and an American President.

"Polk" - Lots of puntastic people

"Clinton" - Lots of naughty people

"clin'ton v.
1. To maintain popularity despite incompetence with a charm offensive.
2. To perform inappropriate sexual acts, originally oral but later used to mean all such acts up to and including penetration.
3. To form policy by a 'stab in the dark'." - bobjanova

(Ouch. -M)

"Fillmore--fill more. Get it? Whaddaya mean 'not that kind of penetration'?" - aqua_blurr

"Hmm... Presidential porn. Pierce me Hard(ing). Fill more Wood, Row!" - anna_sinistra

(The fact that you managed NOT to use the word "bush" there is worth +1 in and of itself. -CV)

"this question made me drool. I waited too long to fill this out, and have to sleep now rather than finish." - phlegm_noir

"I mustn't make a sexual comment. I mustn't make a sexual comment. Hee hee... you said 'penetrate'." - akiyasan

"You know, you're going to get so many people answering with Polk. It's not even funny. Well, I guess the first one will be. After that? You're going to be talking to the screen - "You obviously googled the fricken' president's list! How could you miss Pierce?? Do you not know what it means? Half of you have them, I've seen the webcam pics. Yes, those pics. Jesus christ, I don't want to do this anymore." - silversmoke

"WTF? I say Nixon. Nixon is originally a French name, consisting of the two words 'Neeks', which means to fuck violently, and 'on', meaning the American public. You just ask the French." - no_me_toques

"President Spork!" - [Bad username or site: _ducks and velvetandlace @ livejournal.com]

"mmm... penetrate. Slash? Puncture? Incise? Thrust? Hang on, wasn't Slash a guitarist from Guns and Roses or Metallica or one of those sort of things?" - naturalredhead

"Gore won but he was never president... Well, when I stab someone there's gore, dammit. It's connected!" - sasscat

Correct Answer: (Franklin) Pierce

"And even with his name just asking for it, he wasn't assasinated. And Fate cried." - lyzz13



11. If you were campaigning to be elected as the next American President, what would be your platform?

"I'd be running as a Democrat. We don't do "platforms". We don't "stand for" things. We're way too l33t for that shit." - lilitou

"The LJDQ Platform! Fuck Social Security and Welfare and the Economy! We Want QUIZES!" - roadparty

"Newbia Leogetti for President--I am not an arrant reprobate! Nor am I French, Irish, or from Texas!" - newbia

"Secretly build caves to hide from asteroids in. Stock with women." - mcclintock

"Three words: free. porn. channels." - sienna_blaze

"Free Twinkies for all!" - welsh_branwen

(Hot damn, you've got my vote. -CV)

"I value honesty above all things. Therefore, as your next President, when I get a hummer from an intern, I won't deny it -- I'll post all about in my LJ! And I'll even enable comments!" - dpaul007

"Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others" - irisamergin

(+1, The Simpsons. -S)

"I would promise to make sure every American had an iPod by the end of my term. Forget a chicken in every pot; an iPod in every pocket is far better. Also, if every American were busy listening to their government-provided iPods, they wouldn't notice whatever I was doing to screw up the country." - delordra

"Immediate death penalty for all those asshats who insist on ruining MMORPGs by spending 23 out of their 24 waking hours playing them 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year in lieu of having a real life." - grayhawkfh

"Furry pornography!" - lots42

"I don't look like a monkey." - jenny_1981

(Monkeys are funny. Except when they're your president. Monkey! monkey monkey monkey MONKEY! -M)

"Make World Peace. Kill Everybody." - nosesonapole

(Did you cheat off CV's quiz? -1 to you! -M)

"Boobies and explosions." - sasscat

(Or maybe sasscat was the one cheating off of CV's quiz... -M)

"It would be portable and made of wood, with aluminum supports and about three feet tall. Or maybe cement and three meters tall, next to the pool. I like the pool. It has water, and when diving it's very important to have water or you hit the cement and go splat." - uninhibitedmuse

"Cardboard held together with cammo duct tape, reinforced with the souls of my people." - kokopellinelli

"Screw Presidency, I'm going for Queen of the Universe. I'm campaining on a platform of free love, free chocolate and free booze for all. And once I'm in, then my nefarious plans will come to light. Mwahahahahahahaha!" - lyzz13

"Mandatory common sense testing. You don't have to be educated, but if you can't figure out that 'product will be hot when removed from microwave'...well, there will be colonies, is all I'm sayin'." - tabbyclaw

"1)Gay marriage is now legal. So is marriage between 3, 5, 17, or 382159 people. So is marriage between any set of consenting adults at all, in fact. Because seriously, if your biggest concern in life is what other people are doing in the sack, you need a hobby. Which relates to my second plank:
2) A new government program to help find hobbies for people whose biggest concern in life is what other people are doing in the sack. Needlepoint, for instance. Or we could get them all LiveJournals and their heads would explode.
3) I can't think of anything else. But the image of Dubya doing needlepoint is pretty awesome, isn't it?" - elsajeni

"Well, obviously it'd have to be these for spring/summer and these for fall/winter." - the_headhunter

(I have these can I be your VP? - S)

"You know, I've actually thought about this. In my fantasies, though, I'm already President but I've been given dictatorial powers, sort of like the current administration. My first act would be to fire all of Congress and hire Shirley from the Waffle House and Oprah Winfrey to be my national advisors. Together we would form the Triumvirate of Take No Shit, sort of like a group of superheroes. That didn't really answer your question, did it?" - no_me_toques

"ELECT ME OR I KEEL YOU. also, bunnies." - soleta

Correct Answer: "I'd introduce siestas after lunch. Honestly, we all need more naps." - goat003


And another one bites the dust. I feel secure in the knowledge that somehow we have helped educate you about our great nation's ancient leaders. And education is good. Don't worry; next week we'll stay away from American politics, so rest easy, everyone.

Thanks again, marasca and sskipstress, for taking your turns at modding. Good work, and good luck getting all healthy again.

Rock on,

CV&S&M

(huh huh, I said "S&M"...)