And Now For Something Completely Different...

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Good morning and happy Thursday, everyone! Thursday, of course, is Reminder Thursday here at the ljdq, and so we start off with the obligatory link to this week's quiz so that you can all play if you haven't already.

Up next, something different: Cancer. We at ljdq friggin' hate cancer. We want to kick it right in the nuts. A few years ago, angledge did a triathlon to raise money on behalf of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and this year her fun-filled fiancee hotpantsgalore is doing the same. In honor of this, we're inviting any quizlings who can donate to this cause to do so, because it is worthy.

Now we know that not all of us are so solvent as to throw down a thousand big ones for a good cause. That's not the requirement. Donate what you can, if you can. And I know some of you are thinking, "Dudes, this earthquake just pasted Haiti, they need help too", and that's true; I worry that I might know people there at the now-pulverized UN compounds. Give wherever possible, however possible.

My personal incentive to all quizlings: if you donate to hotpantsgalore's fundraising page (located right here; read her blog as she documents her trials and tribulations, because it's funny), I will write you a personalized pun¹, hand-crafted on the spot and dedicated to you. That's right, all puns, all the time, right here under this post. If you do donate, make sure you leave your LJ handle in the comment section at the end so we know who you are, and a pun will show itself as soon as I know about it.

So let it be written; so let it be done².

¹ Quality of puns not guaranteed. Some might cause internal bleeding and nausea. Consult your physician before applying.
² In fact, I just donated right now, so I'm going to give myself a pun. "A-1 Steak Sauce has a number of offices that run 24/7, and their late shifts are manned by a number of clerks. To keep their staff happy, the company provides free steak dinners to all their evening personnel, but the late shifts find these dinners unsatisfying. After some negotiations with the unions, the company agreed to provide a large quantity of ham instead, discovering that many hams sate night clerks."^3
3 I warned you, this wouldn't be pretty.

Comments

[fizrep.livejournal.com]

Or alternately:

So let it be written; so let it be pun.

[wint3rhart.livejournal.com]

Dooooooonated. Yay for triathlons (and triathletes)!

[angledge.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I love it that people will give money just to make my fiancee get up early to go biking.

[angledge.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your donation, Mr. Hyphenated-LastName.

[angledge.livejournal.com]

Thanks for YOUR donation, buddy!

Punning: Delivered!

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, the heart of winter. Everyone remembers old Jim Gray, who sat out on his porch day in and day out, feeding the seagulls bread crumbs. The neighbors used to complain about the noise and the bird droppings, but all that changed after the blizzard of aught eight, when snow buried the whole state. Jim Gray used his birds to carry messages and food, and even pull people out of drifts. The neighborhood was saved by the power of Gray's gulls.

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Junk. Garbage. Trash. Waste. Refuse. So many words for the same thing. Modern English has a dozen words for it, and even old English had to contend with what was considered an excess number of terms for the same thing. William Shakespeare, in addition to being a playwright, was also a consultant on language evolution, and addressed this very topic in his essay "Debris, or not debris: That is the question."

Re: Punning: Delivered!

[angledge.livejournal.com]

That... was horrible. He-Man, She-Ra, & even Skeletor do not approve.

[angledge.livejournal.com]

It burns!

Re: Punning: Delivered!

[wint3rhart.livejournal.com]

ahaha, I love it XD

This one's for marasca!

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

In the quest for better beef, geneticists have obviously been working on building a better cow. While some of this research has borne positive fruit (ironic pun not intended), the more eccentric scientists at Lab 22 managed to breed a more intelligent cow. While the edible qualities of these animals were being discussed, the newly gifted bovines broke free of their captors using a modified rail car. Panicked, the scientists ordered security to check the halls for cows on trolleys.

Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra!

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

I was generous enough to give myself the worst pun. All the others should look pretty good in comparison. ;-)


...except for that He-Man pun. That was pretty bad even by my count.

[i-calql8.livejournal.com]

Puns and kicking cancer in the nads? Well, happy birthday to me!

If they took Paypal, I'd give yesterday. As it is now, looking at next week.

Now I know two ladies here who totally rock in stereo. :-)

[angledge.livejournal.com]

Thanks - you're supporting a fellow Cowboys fan, too. A rabid Cowboys fan.

[bluealoe]

Donation made! (Not much, but it's what I can afford. =/) I await my pun with a worm on my tongue!

...or "with BAITED breath", if you prefer.

[ataralas.livejournal.com]

Donation made. GIVE ME PUN. IT IS PUNDAY!

Thank you!

[angledge.livejournal.com]

Are you the anonymous donation?

[angledge.livejournal.com]

Your pun is horrible but your donation is wonderful. Thank you very much!

Re: Thank you!

[ataralas.livejournal.com]

yup.

This one's for SCIENCE!

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Isaac Newton attended a large conference once to explain his laws of motion. The conference was attended by many fellow scientists, as well as local nobles and literati. As he was mingling, he was approached by the Duchess of Kent, who insisted on hearing his explanation once more. Newton began, but was distracted by a piece of food that had landed unnoticed on her décolletage. He stammered on, noticing that his fellows were similarly perturbed, and yet no one could bring up the subject with enough delicacy.

In the end, Newton was said to have written a fourth law in his personal journal: An object on breast will stay on breast.

You Are Indeed A Master Baiter.

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Billy, Zack, and Jane were childhood friends down in the wetlands of Florida. Billy lived near a swamp, a creek ran through Zack's back yard, and there was a large pond near Jane's house. During the summertime, they would visit each other's yards to do fishing. One warm day Billy told Zack they'd meet at the pond, but Zack misheard and went to the swamp instead. When he finally caught up with them and said that Billy told him to meet at the swamp, an exasperated Billy yelled "I said pond! Jane's pond!"

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

More puns are here!

Re: You Are Indeed A Master Baiter.

[bluealoe]

I'm pretty sure I love you now.

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

I've got a pun waiting for you, but I can't give it up until you come clean and donate. So get with the program! ;-)

Re: This one's for SCIENCE!

[ataralas.livejournal.com]

LOL, SCIENCE!

[angledge.livejournal.com]

He donated, I saw it today! Serve up one pun against cancer, please!

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Next week is still better than next season. After all, that's when the deer start moving about and mating. They do take their mating season very seriously; male deer race through the forest, organs swollen, seeking a doe with which to mate. This stress sometimes causes the stags' hearts to literally burst with the stress, killing them instantly. Biologists rarely find such bodies, but they can be easily identified by the boner of a lonely hart.

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Served!

[angelprojekt.livejournal.com]

*dances around to the hit '80s song, "Boner of a Lonely Hart"*

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

They 80's were a great time for boners...

This one's for Jeff the almost-lawyer!

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

During the infamous "rap wars" trial of LL Cool J vs. Ice-T, a jury of peers was chosen from members of the rap community. While some decried this choice, saying that it would bring a horde of gangsters and thugs into a court of law, the rappers chose instead the higher ground, dressing up with extreme taste in clothing. Only their excessive bling identified them; rings, chains, wristbands and bracelets adorned the musicians, giving the jury box a golden glow. It was often referred to as the trial by jewelry.

This one's for xgreenjudasx!

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

During the construction of the Hubble Space Telescope, NASA engineers debated two methods of protecting some of the scope's vital and sensitive components. The one method would involve multiple layers of a special foil that would protect against radiation and solar rays; the other method involved a protective "bubble" filled with gases that would help preserve the equipment for years. Many millions of dollars were wasted just to debate Hubble's trouble: Foil or bubble?

This one's for trishalynn!

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

General Zod finally defeated his archnemesis Superman, and was quick to enslave the people of Planet Earth. He gathered the leaders of all nations before him, and smote them all with his Kryptonian heat vision... well, almost all of them. Elizabeth, sovereign of England, being of venerable age and somewhat short and bent, was narrowly missed by the deadly beams, losing a swath of hair in the process. The General cut Presidents and Kings in half, but alas, Zod shaved the Queen.

Re: This one's for marasca!

[marasca.livejournal.com]

Go cows, go!!

Well done. Er, no pun intended.