LJ Daily Answers: 21 January 2005

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

(This week's answers are a little short, because we're running a bit short-handed around here this week. My OTHER cousin, matt_ledgerwood just moved into town & I'm busy helping him get adjusted to America; meanwhile, CV is returning from darkest Africa to darkest New York City. The theme of this week's quiz, obviously, was speeches - in honor of both Martin Luther King Jr. Day on Monday & President Bush's inagural speech last night. -AL)

(Update: Hot damn, it's good to be home. Let's get this show back on the road, eh? -CV)



1. "Ich bin ein Berliner!" Who said this inadverdantly hilarious phrase during a speech on 26 June 1963?

"Rein in beer, b chilin. It's an anagram, mebbe for AA?" - perkyczarlet

(That's a pretty damn creative wrong answer you got there, missy. -AL)

"it must have been hitler, hes the only hilarious german i know" - spam_with_wings

"How hilarious. You know if we laughed at every silly mistranslation that happened, we'd never stop laughing... " - m31andy

(Yes, that's sort of the point of this whole Quiz thing. -AL)

"JFK, blown away, what more do I have to say?" - mcclintock

(meh, -1. Billy Joel - FR)

"I swear to god I am going to nuke the entire fucking planet" - lots42

(Well alrighty then! -FR)

"I am neither witty nor clever" - therhythmthief

(You've found the right crowd then! -FR)

"I vaguely remember that Berliner is a hot dog" - cassielx

(We have several answers claiming that Berliner is a hot dog or a sausage or somesuch. I thought it was a doughnut. Hans, can you provide some insight here? -AL)

(Yes, it was a Jelly Donut. Perhaps in the past 40 intervening years it has also become associated with other foodstuffs, like sausages, but at the time it was primarily a donut. -CV)

"Mmm...d'Ohnut..." - sasscat

(Nice double-Simpsons quote, +2. -AL)

"He was said to live in Camelot, so I guess it must've been King Arthur." - sskipstress

"Some guy who didn't know he was a donut until it was too late." - sooster

"He accidentally called himself a resident of Berlin and shamed his great Krueller ancestry." - drewbeartx

"Kennedy confessing that he is a member of the 'Pastries.' Much like the 'Furries,' 'Pastries' acquire costumes that allow them to release their inner cheese Danish and mingle with like minded individuals at conference centers in Vegas." - chrysoberyl

(The foul imagery this unleashed in me is off the charts. Eeergh.. -FR)

"John F. Kennedy announced that he was a jelly doughnut. Not too far from the truth, really. Studies show that both presidents and jelly doughnuts spray sticky red stuff when shot." - linguafranca

"Corporal Klink, during that wacky Bruchenweld deathcamp episode. Where did quality television programming go?" - dexfarkin

(+1, Hogan's Heroes. -CV)

"Some people like jelly donuts, some people like to be one. Please, open your hearts and minds to new kinks." - yueni

"See, I personally like chocolate donuts with sprinkles better. Mm...sprinkles... *drool*" - twilight_angel

"Famously, JFK said it. Less famously, but much more tragically, a guy named Hans said it the same day and was promptly devoured by a group of German policemen." - gruyere

(I did not. And they didn't get me. -CV)

"My helpful collegue has just told me that David Hasslehoff saved Germany (not sure in what context but hey) so I'll go with him" - cassielx

(You may hereby demote your "helpful colleague" to just "colleague". -CV)

"I feel so bad for him. I mean, coming out is hard. JFK works up the nerve to come out of the donut box, and the whole world mocks him. Where's the solidarity? Why didn't all the glazed, chocolate cake and other jelly donuts back him up? It's just not right." - marasca

"It would've been so much cooler if Nixon had said it, though. With, like, shaking jowls and whatnot. Mmmm. Nixon sweetroll." - ninchica7

"JFK, but as Eddie Izzard says, only 10% of the impression you leave behind is what you actually say." - calankh

Correct Answer: President John F. Kennedy

"You'd have thought that JFK would have fired his speech writer after the 'Ich bin ein Frankfurter' fiasco several weeks earlier. Germany obviously has too many towns with food names." - the_headhunter

(They should use city names for alcoholic drinks, like Americans do. You know, the Manhattan .... *searches mind for another city drink* ... the Philadelphia ... the Detroit ... -AL)

(YOU'RE MAKING THEM UP! - Everyone)

(Shut up! -AL)



2. On 29 September 1960, Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev disrupted a speech at the United Nations by pounding what object on the podium?

"Pah! In 1979 Michael Heseltine brandished the Mace of Royal Authority at Welsh Labour MPs singing the Red Flag in the House of Commons. That's way more ridiculousmanly than a slipper. *sings* 'The worker's flag...'" - dodyskin

"The bloody severed head of a dissident. Those commie bastards!" - lyzz13

"Please! This is a family journal! Unless you're talking about the shoe thing. Maybe I'm thinking of somebody else... Scott Baio, maybe." - kenshardik

(This is so not a family journal. We even have a warning label on the info page. And good thing, too! -AL)

(No fucking kidding! -FR)

"Oh, man, I wonder how many sex jokes you're going to get. Not that I want to think of sex and Nikita Khrushchev together. Oh, gods, make it STOP!!!" - twilight_angel

"The prototype of the bondage duck vibrator:
" - sskipstress

(The first - but not last - appearance of the BDV at the UN. -AL)

(Dear God: Let it be the last, kplzthx. -CV)

"A huge cucumber - leading to several ugly rumours and his early retirement" - verdandiweaves

"A cucumber, well known for being the best vegetable for getting your point across. 'Ahhh there goes the prime minister waving his mighty cucumber, we know he means business now...' I guess there are several ways you could read that statement actually. Um. Yeah. Cucumber of justice and freedom for all fruit eaters!" - spiffington

"Her metal bra." - akiyasan

(Nikita was a boy, akiyasan. -AL)

"A sledgehammer. Conveniently, it lodged itself into a watermelon. The first few rows of the UN auditorium always get messy, so you gotta wear a poncho." - prettypinkkitty

(Few people realize how much inspiration Gallagher drew from the Communists. -AL)

"a rotten fish. Well, it would have been cool if he had. Startleing and smelly" - lostreality

(The object he actually used also was startling & smelly. -AL)

"Khrushchev: *headesk*" - vanbrosia

"His head. Or someone elses head. The UN does WWWF, duuuuude!" - cassielx

(I would sacrifice a year's salary to see that happen at work one day. -CV)

"His intern?" - diimortales

"I'm gonna say a jelly doughnut." - badgerbabe

"A fish. I think it was a flounder. Very flat, like his wife. Come to think of it, she was cold and fishy, too." - perkyczarlet

(That... it... whoah. -CV)

"A cheese log" - spockaccino

(Allow me to rant: I love cheese. I especially like the spreadable goodness of port wine cheddar lovingly smoothed over a Ritz cracker. If one couples this delight with a bottle or two of merlot, you're about as close to nirvana as a tannin-induced hangover will allow. BUT. It's when people give me my adored cheese... no not a mere hunk of it - one of those god damned nut encased cheese logs! Hello, this is a DAIRY product! Do not spoil perfection with chunks of Mr Planters! Keep your nuts out of my snack! - FR)

"In soviet Russia, podium pounds YOU!" - shigogouhou

"A bottle of vodka! Hmmm....That reminds me of one of my favorite Russian proverbs: 'The church is near, but the road is all ice. The tavern is far, but I'll walk very carefully.'" - gossamer_gull

"I wonder how many vodka and cock jokes you'll get with this question." - whiski_sour

(Vodka jokes: 6
Cock jokes (including "salami" jokes): 16)

(And the LJDQ Typographical Award for this week goes to the following: -CV)

"His hoe!" - drewbeartx
"CRAP! On #2, I meant to type 'His show!'" - drewbeartx
"I'm going to be mocked for this, aren't I?" - drewbeartx

(Yes, son. Yes you are. -CV)

"I believe it was a blue and gold Manolo Blahnik stiletto." - 3jane

Correct Answer: his shoe.



3. "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ..."

"'...beers. I just realized I married J.Lo.' -Marc Anthony" - the_headhunter

"Kevlar." - gossamer_gull

"On a side note, does anyone else remember something that probably involved muppets where one muppet said 'Friends, countrymen, lend me your ears!' and all the other muppets pull off their ears and hand them to the first muppet? I'm not sure if this was part of my childhood or just some dream I had." - moocow1985

(I think that was Muppet Treasure Island, but I can't prove it. -CV)

"I could have sex with my sister" - therhythmthief

(Honestly, that is just Too Much Information -FR)

"This speech is annually given by my next door neighbor who, when spring comes, goes on an INSANE gardening binge that results in a wall of bracken 3 feet high in the street." - fantom07

"Next to ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO, it's Marc Antony's best work." dexfarkin

(Word. +1, El Mariachi reference. -FR)

"If I remember right, William Shatner played Brutus in one version. I'd want to kill him too, regardless of what Brutus did." - temima

"cell phone will ya. I got an Egyptian honey to hook up with tonight." - stephe

"Brush. My hair's a wreck. Stabbing a man messed it right up." - mlewys

"Extra socks, you know the ones that are always left over after a wash? One day I will make them all pair up together." - spiffington

(Send them to fizrep when you're done. Man loves socks. -CV)

Correct Answer: "... ears", from Marc Antony's speech in Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar.



4. "All right, sweethearts, what are you waiting for? Breakfast in bed? Another glorious day in the corps! A day in the Marine Corps is like ..."

"'... a day with no donuts. In fact, every day in the Marine Corps IS a day with no donuts. What, do you think we have a Krispy Kreme factory here in the jungle? The Marine Corps ain't for no wussies! You'll eat your donut-free rations and you'll like them!' - John Kerry, during his service in Vietnam (hey, if the Republicans can make shit up about Kerry, so can I)" - marasca

"Such a stupid decision 'cause all that hot guys are in Air Force, didn't you see Top Gun, you stupid bint?" - dracothelizard

"I don't know, but I'm relatively sure it's from a movie I've seen and will groan very loud when I see the correct answer." - ridicully

(Well, it *is* a pretty obscure movie ... -AL)

"picture of hobbits fucking!" - dexfarkin

(Hey dex, the latest issue of Playbaggins just got here for you. -FR)

"All the gay porn you've ever seen. " - mlewys

"'Burning'. Ralph Wiggum." - sargiegirl76

"'...a day of having your foreskin caught in your zipper.' That sounds like something my friend Kevin would say. He joined the Marines right out of high school." - linguafranca

"paying a prostitute to gouge your eyes out with a blunted spork. Bill Clinton." - littlemoose

"A day in a gay bath house. I dunno. But if Louis Gosset, Jr. said it, it'd sound hardcore." - whiski_sour

"'...a weekend at the Neverland Ranch!!!' (Macauley Culkin in his Academy Award acceptance speech)" - calico321

"...kumquat." - sasscat

(+1 because kumquat is just such a funny word. -CV)

"... a day in Oz. Violence, sodomy, and gratuitous male nudity." - 3jane

(Hmmm, that must be the Director's Cut of The Wizard of Oz that you're referring to. Who knew that the Lollipop Guild was so depraved? -CV)

"a day without LJDQ - Pudding" - uninhibitedmuse

"Such a stupid decision 'cause all that hot guys are in Air Force, didn't you see Top Gun, you stupid bint?" - dracothelizard

"Sex with your cousin
it might not be right, or good
but at least its sex" - tarpo

(Thank you for that vaguely disturbing haiku. -CV)

"is like making love to a beautiful woman, you needs balls and stamina" - verdandiweaves

"I don't know, but I'll say Gunny R. Lee Ermey in some movie somewhere." - dpaul007

(Wrong, but +1 anyway for mentioning the god of drill sergeants. -CV)

"The only question I have is 'How do I get out of this chickenshit quiz?'" - dexfarkin

(There is no escape. But good answer. -CV)

Correct Answer: "...a day on the farm," as said by Sergeant Apone in Aliens.



5. "This is a day that will live ..."

"in famy. Wait, that's not quite right. in in-infamy? Something like that. Famy D. Rooseveldt, 1941" - llefser

"Winston Churchill." - roadparty
(Nope)
"Churchill?" - ajmcoqui
(Nah)
"By Winston Churchhill" - akiyasan
(Negative)
"Churchill" - chrysoberyl
(Noperino)
"Eisenhower" - kdlawler27
(Close!)
"Martin Luther King?" - psychoticspy
(Funny... but no)
"I think it's from Armageddon" - lynbug
(Hello?! Franklin Delano Roosevelt? FDR? Read a book! -FR)

"in fuckin' infamy, you ratbastard motherfuckers. " - djdysfunction

(I think that was the rough draft -FR)

"inbetween yesterday and tomorrow, until it is tomorrow, when it will change to yesterday, and when when it is tomorrow's tomorrow, it will be yesterday's yesterday... so whatever happens today will become yesterday but never again tomorrow, which it was yesterday" - verdandiweaves

(My brain hurts. -FR)

"I know this just because I like the word infamy. It's fun to say. Kinda like soliloquy. A soliloquy on infamy. Hee." - roadparty

"...chained in its' parents' basement because they didn't want it in the first place." - linguafranca

(Don't be bitter. -CV)

"'...in the garage, like that child whose abortion I couldn't afford.'--The Pope." - silent_r_infork
"in it's mother's basement forever." - gnomeprincess

(Good news, linguafranca, we found your parents. -CV)

"which is a first, seeing as days are not alive…" - lizzyrose89

"'...in symphony.' - Frankie Liszt" - the_headhunter
"...in infantry." - bummerfly

(And a fine volley from the punnery brigade... -CV)

"forever in overly long movies that have nothing to do with what actually happened" - nihilistbear

"la vida loca." - sskipstress

Correct Answer: "... in infamy," Franklin D. Roosevelt, speaking about Pearl Harbor.

"Is that near Tribeca?" - chrysoberyl

"FDR was an alcholic and a womanizer, Churchill was an alchoholic and smoked opium, Hitler was a vegitarian and a teetotaler. Moral: Don't trust anyone who doesn't drink." - lyzz13

(That's right, my dear Quizlings. Revel in your vices! -AL)



6. If someone was writing your biography, what would be your most famous speech quote?

"'And even though the subject said he attended dungeon and dragons games 5 nights a week, he claimed the game had "no impact on his social life". What's up with that?' (from an actual presentation I gave at a sociological society conference)" - lostreality

"Sorry, Ms. Gellar, Ms. Hannigan, I'm flattered but I have a headache." - lots42

"I'm imagining my biography ending with my last words, which I expect will be, 'Oh, please, I could kick his ass AND steal his girlfriend!'" - silent_r_infork

"Oh lord you people ask hard questions. Probably 'Honey, have you seen my purse?'" - erinjanelle

"Friends don't let friends do stupid shit." - roadparty

"I can eat you under the table!" - linguafranca

(I bet you're popular at dinner parties. -CV)

“Stupidity knows no intelligence.” - kokopellinelli

"Boobs are fun!" - peithecelt

(Yes. Yes they are. -CV)

"Oh, fuck - a quiz." - goldsquare

"Tis better to eat thine dessert than to deny thyself the pleasure of chocolate!" - jenny_1981

(So very true. -CV)

"Not in the face! Not in the face!" - gruyere

(+1, The Tick. You, sir, have outstanding taste. -CV)

"SPEECHIFY! I SPEECHIFY AT YOU! MWAHAHA!" - evilstorm

“All my life I’ve been marching to a different accordion” - erinlin

"Godrabbit. Back before I realized the word "Damn" had a "D"." - nosesonapole

"Something about cheese, or coffee, or that time I invented cheese-flavoured coffee." - psychoticspy

(Keep me informed on your progress. I'm dying to have some. -CV)

"Sat in the Albion Arms one Sunday night when I was 16, drinking my half a Guinness. Metallica's Enter Sandman came on the jukebox. I sat there and observed:
'All drummers are hyperactive. Well, all but Karen Carpenter 'cos she's dead.'
The place went silent.
Apologies - I've been at the gin again." - m31andy

(There's never anything wrong with being at the gin. -CV)

"I can't tell actors apart. I get Della Reese and Reese Witherspoon confused. I mean, I can't even tell the difference between Brandy and Moesha." - chrysoberyl

"*Points to blank screen* 'This is exactly what a chick with Vitamin A deficiency *vision vitamin* would look like if you had a Vitamin A deficiency'" - spockaccino

(That's deep. -CV)

"Man, I don't care what you heard! I ain't nobody's ass technician!" - shigogouhou

"my recent comment about my ex wife.. 'You want to know why I didn't have sex with you for a year? Because you smelled like a cow.. and not the good stuff.. like leather and steak.. the rest.. all ass and hooves..'" - tarpo

"I live hard, I'll die young, and I'll go knowing I did things illegal in all fifty states!" - nihilistbear

(Did you forget our fifty-first state of Canada? Just checking... -CV)

"I would do that ass." - the_headhunter

"When I was about four, on Easter someone asked me what it meant. In all sincerity I answered, 'That's the day the bunny died.'" - lyzz13

"I don't do speeches. And if I do, I repress and deny them. And if the biography gets published, I'd sue for libel and slander." - dracothelizard

(Maybe your biography will be a picture book then. I especially like the drawing you made illustrating your feelings about the LJDQ:
- AL)

Correct(ed) Answer: "If someone was were writing your biography, what would be your most famous speech quote? 'Long live the subjunctive!'" - gossamer_gull

gossamer_gull, you totally got me on that last one. And usually I'm so careful with that particular grammer faux pas. This is the sort of thing that happens when I am without my co-moderator! Happily, CV will be back full-time next week & the two of us will continue to cultivate this online garden of madness & delight. Many thanks to our guest moderators, FR & KL. We'll see you all next week!

Rock on,

AL&FR&KL&CV.