LJ Daily Answers: 19 January 2009

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Happy Martin Luther King Day, Americans! If you have a day off of work, you're better than me...


1. What film featured Viggo Mortensen and Demi Moore as Navy SEALS?

"There is actually no movie in such Demi Moore plays a SEALS. In G.I. Jane she plays a SEALS candidate. Unless you are talking about that furries video... " - nhudris_embrace

(I believe at the end of the movie she is successfully appointed as a SEALS. The furry video is in the Director's Cut. -CV)

"I think I'd rather a movie where Viggo Mortensen and Demi Moore were actual seals. In a circus. Balancing balls on their noses. Now that's a movie with pathos." - seekingferret

"Every time someone mentions Viggo Mortenson I am recalled to sarahtales's movie mockery in which she accused him of stealing a baby's bottom to graft to his chin. " - elucreh

"That wasn't Sinead O'Connor in "G.I. Jane"? Dang! I wondered where the accent went." - majorsamfan

"Hidalgo. Demi Moore was the horse. She was in deep cover. Really really deep cover. " - fax_celestis

"Isn't Viggo's name Master Chief in that movie? Awesome. " - abouthipsanck3s

"Aragon v. Hester Prynn: Cage Match! " - laughingacademy

"Wasn't Viggo the bad guy in Ghostbusters? " - a_l_p_h_a_b_e_t

(Yes, but no, and you are like the buzzing of flies to him. -CV)

"Obviously one I need to watch, because WHAT THE HOLY CRAP? " - severedscythe

"GI Jane. Which had not nearly enough naked Viggo in it, as I recall. Mmmm... " - jessicamariek
"Ah, Viggo. Pouring a bottle of vodka over your naked body in Indian Runner definitely gets my Navy Seal of Approval." - vayshti
"A couple girlfriends and I watched the scene from "Eastern Promises" where Viggo Mortensen fights naked...actually not sexy at all. Don't even bother. " - babybokal

"You know, even during LotR I found myself thinking that Viggo might make a good evil character. You know, just look at him - past the hot long hair and the long-lost-heir-to-the-throne. And then I saw G.I. Jane – and I had not wanted to be that right." - broken_moons

(Go rent "The Prophecy", with Christopher Walken. Viggo has a small part as Lucifer, but honestly, he's one of the best Lucifers I've ever seen on screen. +1 to kira_snugz for agreeing with me. -CV)

"God that man has lax standards for saying yes to movies! " - sometimespez

"Navy SEALS against the forces of Sauron? AWESOMESAUCE. " - ntlespino
"Lord of the GIs, wherein the Fellowship was force-marching to Gondor -- chanting 'Gandalf is a mighty guy, Saruman will start to cry. Frodo throws the ring away, Legolas is so, too, gay! Hup-two-three-four ... ARWEN!' all the way." - germankitty

"I can't say 'G.I.' without thinking of gastro-intestinal, which makes me think of throwing up. Which is pretty much what I thought of the movie. G.I. Jane. " - ginalin

"You know the stupidest thing about the movie G.I. Jane? 'G.I.' stands for 'General Infantry'--which is a part of the ARMY. She isn't trying to get into the Green Berets or Special Forces. She's trying to get into the NAVY SEALS. Which are part of the NAVY. Hollywood writers are idiots." - adria_rhiannon

"I still say the movie would've been better if Cobra had at least had a cameo. " - lewd_pixie

"Little-known fact: Viggo Mortensen was required to wear a moustache during filming, in order to tell him and Demi Moore apart." - i_calql8

Correct Answer: G.I. Jane



2. Who is the "detective" in the Agatha Christie novels "The Moving Finger" and "The Body in the Library"?

Speaking for everyone:
"Suspicious quotation marks, CV. I don't trust them. " - kittycatness
"I don't "know" but your use of "quotation marks" seems "excessive" even though it "probably" isn't. " - angelchicekn

(She's not a professional detective, she's just...)

"Poirot was an official detective; Marple was a nosy busybody gifted amateur." - deza

(...what she said. -CV)

"Is it just me, or do those sound suspiciously like the titles of porno films?" - togey

(Ok, I confess: I chose the two titles that were Most Likely To Be Misconstrued As Porn Films on purpose. -CV)

"Thanks LJDQ, now I can't get the image of the moving finger and the body in the library getting together for some 'action'." - demon_666

"That old lady, miss maple leaf or something. " - b_hulsmans

(You get +1 just because. -CV)

"Sherlock Magnum Poirot Clouseau" - lookingforwater

(That sounds like it should be a brand of extra-wide French condoms. -CV)

"Carmen San Diego" - abouthipsanck3s

'Jane, Stop this crazy thing!" - smellmyfeet

"Lt Janeaway - before she made it into Starfleet." - jkabley

"I'll say Jayne Cobb. What? He could be a detective. Who doesn't really do anything but blow stuff up." - kokopellinelli

"Hercule Poirot, which is French for 'Hercules Pearface.'" - orgdotnews

"I can never understand the draw of a mystery novel. I am confused and annoyed by my real life every day. Why the hell would I pay money to have someone intentionally do that to me? Isn't that what the government is for? I prefer my books to have walking luggage and unbuggered hedgehogs. " - tarpo

"I KNEW MR. BODY WAS KILLED IN THE LIBRARY!!! Probably by Col. Mustard with whatever that freakish baby animal you posted on Thursday was." - kaitimae

"" - thepikey

"All I can think of is the Agatha Christie episode of Doctor Who. 'Agatha Christie! I was just talking about you the other day! I said 'I bet she's brilliant!' I'm the Doctor, this is Donna. Oh, I love your stuff! What a mind! You fool me every time! Well... almost every time. Well... once or twice... Well... once. But it was a good once!'" - raienna, gigglingpixie

"Detective Jack Spratt, with the assistance of Mary Mary, who hails from Basingstoke, not that there's anything wrong with that. " - sometimespez

(+1, Nursery Crimes Division – LL)

"either Poirot or Miss Marple, either way there's bound to be a lot of bad hats going on." - spiffington

"Miss Marple, otherwise known as Jane Marple, and the one that Hercule Poirot was always trying to bang." - stagemanager

(Let's be thankful THIS novel has never seen the light of day. -CV)
(Rule 34? -LL)
(SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! -CV)

'Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks? (Jane Marple!) Wait - ewwww. (Hey, we're just talkin' 'bout Jane Marple!) No, seriously, stop it!" - eyeharvester

"Miss Marple? Poirot actually is a detective, albeit one with a smashing moustache. " - puredeadthingy

"How can anyone knit that much? My fingers would fall off." - raphsody606

"P = P' - Mw, where P is the current population of Miss Marple's hometown, P' is the population when she was born, w is weeks elapsed since, and M = 1. P is currently negative." - johnwwells

Correct Answer: Miss Jane Marple



3. Fun with lyrics! Name the song and the band:
I've never been in love
I don't know what it is
Only knows if someone wants her
I want them if they want me
I only know they want me

(For the record, this question had the highest outpouring of "Sting" that we've had since this quiz. -CV)

"I'm not sure, but I think I know how the next verse goes:
But they want me if I want them,
So they only know I know they want me
If I know they know I want them,
So do they know they want me?
It doesn't matter, no no,
I poisoned both glasses." - johnwwells

"Stephen and the Colberts" - tiki_92090

"'I am an immortal whinger' by The Teenagers" - severedscythe

"Ballad of Samantha Ronson" - sifrid

"Pronoun count: 4 I's, 2 Me's, 3 Theys, 1 Her, 1 It. Whatever the song is, it's clearly very self-centered. No wonder he's never been in love. " - seekingferret

"I think we may have discovered who “You’re So Vain” is about. Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane!" - laughingacademy

"Sounds like the theme song to Golden Globe winner (new TV Drama)'The Mentalist'." - majorsamfan

(Which is a total rip off of Psych!! – LL)

"this question managed to get Foreigner's 'I want to know what love is' in my head and I had to share the pain love." - vayshti

"THESE LYRICS MAKE NO SENSE WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFORMATION? " - babybokal

"Are we ever going to have any questions about music people over 40 listen to, like 80s hair bands and Sarah Brightman?" - ginalin

(Sure! LL just recently hit 40, and AL and CV are rapidly approaching its event horizon. Besides, I think we had some Simon and Garfunkel in here once or twice... -CV)

"So, wait a minute - is the lyric saying that the singer is her, or wants to be her, or just what the frak is going on here?" - jmthane

"Don't know what who sang it, but it sounds like they could use a double-shot of Get The Hell Over Yourself. " - freezer818

"Jane Says. Failed to supplant Simon Says in the much sought after Kindergarten funk market." - mujubius

"I recognize your lyrics with alarming frequency. That I don't recognize these makes me think you googled something by Janet Jackson because nobody good fit the theme. " - adalger

"I hate Jane's Addiction. The barking dogs always making my dog's hair stand up and he starts to growl." - sgt_siler

"Jane Says by Jane's Addiction. Ideally the album title would also contain Jane but IIRC it's 'Nothing's Shocking'. They could have called it 'Nothing's Shocking Jane' but nooooo. " - rikchik

Correct Answer: "Jane Says" by Jane's Addiction



4. Who was the primatologist famous for a decades-long study of chimpanzees in Gombe Stream, Tanzania?

"John Stewart, man I love watching his show. All those reports on the chimps...oh wait, that's D.C. not Tanzania. " - nhudris_embrace

"The first name that popped into my head is Helen Keller. That would have been fun." - dotcomslash

(That's horrible. +1. -CV)

"The Chiquita Banana Lady. Chimps can't get enough of her!" - its_what_we_are

"I like the Tanzanian Devil. He's my favorite Looney Toon." - adalger

(-1. Tanzania has zero devils. A few minor demons here and there, but that's all. -CV)

"Gorilla Grodd, he might have nefarious purposes in mind for the information but at least you can be assured that a supervillain will be thorough." - thesecondevil

"Gombe Stream makes me think of Goombas from Super Mario Brothers. Gods that movie was awesome!" - sometimespez

"Gombe is a great name. It should replace 'nom nom nom' as the noise one makes when eating." - speckled_llama

"Sigourney Weaver - oh, no, she played the other monkey lady in Gorillas in the Mist. " - kiffle
"Or was that Bob Fosse? I get them mixed up." - majorsamfan

"Is Jane Goodall the only famous primatologist? All of my zoologist friends are all 'I want to be just like her when I grow up!' I mean, there can only be so many people hanging out with the monkeys before it starts to get a bit crowded. " - adarraliselle

"Jane Goodall. Non-Goodall primatologists are not famous. Even the word primatologist is not famous; my browser wants to spell-correct it to climatologist or hematologist. Sorry, primatologists, but Mozilla says your profession doesn't exist! " - johnwwells

"Jane Goodall--her and that other chick Diane Fossey were my heroes growing up. I wanted to go live in the wild and study monkeys. Then I found out it's really hot and sweaty and dirty and there's no flush toilets. :( " - ifeedformula

"Request for a count of 'That Jane Goodall tramp' answers and cartoon submissions." - tarpo
"" - laughingacademy, etcet, raphsody606, alivicwil, wrestlingdog, lots42, akiyasan

(Additionally, this comic is available for sale on a t-shirt from the Jane Goodall Institute; be clever and support good science at the same time! – etcet)

"Jane Goodall, who studied their vision and excretory habits for her book 'Monkey See, Monkey Doo.'" - drbear

"Madam, I met Jane Goodall, and you are no Jane Goodall." - elucreh

(+1, George of the Jungle. -CV)

"Jane Goodall, who I used to think was part of the Goo Goo Dolls. I liked her better then." - using_chemicals

"Don't worry kids, being eaten by an alligator is just like falling asleep... in a giant blender." - seekingferret

(+1, The Simpsons. -CV)

"Jane Goodall, who has more awesome in her pinky finger than most of us will achieve with our whole bodies in our entire lives." - marasca

"Jane Goodall. She switched to chimps after her early career got too Leakey." - howeird

(Primatology punnery? That's Geek of the Week material right there. Have a -1, ook ook eek. -CV)

"Jane Greystoke, who occasionally confused her co-workers by speaking of events a century ago as though she had been present. And if anyone understand this joke in full, I will make them my new best friend." - lookingforwater

(Tarzan Lord Greystoke was really more of an advanced simian. Sure, he might have hung out with all those gorillas, but that wasn't enough to fool Edgar Rice Burroughs. -CV)

"Wasn't she also the Bond chick in "Goldfinger"?" - kristinmachina

(I think you're thinking of Dr. Goodhead, from "Moonraker". "Goldfinger" featured the most blatant name of all, Pussy Galore. -CV)

Correct Answer: Dr. Jane Goodall



5. Martha Cannary was better known as whom?

"The person who played the lead role in Glitter." - spiralgirl1

"Tweety Bird." - 15 of you
"tweeti" - drbear

"Wasn't she that woman they lowered into coal mines to test the air? " - howeird and 8 others

"Martha Stewart's prison name. She formed a knitting gang with Patty Pigeon, Sally Sparrow and Molly Mockingbird. Don't mess with their yarn or they will put a purl stitch in yo ass!" - kristinmachina and 12 other Martha Stewart fans

"Rosie the Riveter" - wiredwizard

(A century later, yes, she probably would have been. -CV)

"Martha, Martha, Martha! " - ____absolution

"Plain Jane. Because nobody named Martha is ever hot." - jessicamariek

"Baby Jane? Like in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? Oh! Theme! Jane! January! It . . . kind of works. Maybe? If i tilt my head and squint. " - angelchicken

"Doctor Jean Gray? Hell, it's the only explanation I can come up with for such a lame superhero alias." - blindgeoff

(For a while she was Marvel Girl, and then she was Phoenix, except it wasn't really her, and... ah, fuck it. -CV)

"Cannary? That's like having a family name of 'Factory' or 'Meat-Works'. No wonder she changed it. " - vayshti

"Calamity Jane. She was nice and butch (and had a thing for Wild Bill). Those old west people got all the cool names. " - kokopellinelii

"I don't really understand why she was nicknamed Calamity Jane. She was immune to smallpox! That seems like the complete opposite of Calamity. Perhaps 'I'm Gonna Outlive You All' Jane was already taken." - adarraliselle

"Calamity Jane. Famous for fighting the Native Americans that wouldn't have been so pissy if the white man had kept their promises." - tempusfrangit

"I always thought she should have been Hurricane Jane. It has a better ring to it than Calamity." - rosefox8

(Yeah, but it was the 1800's. Hurricanes hadn't been invented yet. -CV)

"Goddammit, shut the fuck up! Can't you see that's Wild Bill Hickock right there, tryin' to sleep?! Cocksuckers." - edoraslass

(+1, cocksuckin' Deadwood. -CV)

Correct Answer: Calamity Jane



6. What do you like to do when the weather's cold?

"I have seriously no idea what this question has to do with the theme. " - b_hulsmans

(Not a thing. I just like messing with you guys sometimes. -CV)

"Fuck." - spiralgirl1

(Straight and to the point. +1. -CV)

"Jayne Cobb" - kiffle

(Oh, WELL done! – LL)

"Dude, you need to stop posting questions that can me answered by 'your mom.'" - kristinmachina

(I do it for the sole purpose of catching you and the ten others just like you. -CV)

"Burn a witch. And when she runs out, burn more witches. " - lookingforwater

"Ice down half of the driveway, and watch my neighbours friends try to park there against my wishes. Passive resistance FTW! " - canuckdesz

"Hibernate... and dream about pic-a-nic baskets. " - n2_the_void

"Go outside in my Speedo, which isn't as tight in the crotch during the winter, if you know what I mean. " - drbear

(Oh, dear God… - AL&CV&LL)

"I like to wait till someone's all nice and warm and then yank their pants down. Also, I tend to pile on at least three hats of various colours. I am the colourful winter dacking fairy!" - severedscythe

"I'm Canadian so I don't consider it cold unless your can't write your name in the snow because your pee freezes before it hits the ground. " - tarpo
"I live in Alaska. I'll tell you when it's cold. Weather that makes most folks close the schools and roads makes us close the bathroom window. " - mattwolf

"Schnuggle with hot chocolate (complete with marshmallows) and watch endless episodes of Scrubs. Or read a damn good book but I'm having trouble finding one lately. Any recs from anyone? " - gigglingpixie

(Christopher Moore - LL)

"Warm laptop on your legs, the cup of hot chocolate... does it always have to mean CATASTROPHE?" - magiczna

"Someday, I'll finish my bathtub that fills up with hot chocolate, and then you'll be sorry you laughed." - johnwwells

"Your winter is our summer so technically I get to go to the beach during winter! Aren't you jealous? And our government has just refused to ban topless bathing at public beaches. Aren't you even more jealous? " - demon_666
(We didn't say winter; we said "when the weather's cold"... -CV)
"...topless bathing ... damn, what a sight those headlights would be!" - demon_666

"Slice open a tauntan and use its entrails to keep me warm. " - thesecondevil

(+1, The Empire Strikes Back. -CV)

"I dig out my full-length mink coat and make believe I’m a Pevensie." - laughingacademy

(+1, The Chronicles of Narnia. -CV)

"Drink a LOT and answer internet quizzes. Good thing I live in LA where it rarely gets cold. If I lived somewhere cold, I would've been dead of alcohol poisioning or been beaten to death by exasperated quiz writers years ago. " - dogofthefuture

"My answer has 'jack' in it, not 'jane.'" - david_deacon

"Jane-off" - lewd_pixie

(+1, well done. -CV)

"I refuse to answer this question, on the grounds that saying that our low temp here was 50F last night would cause people to seek me out and do bodily harm upon me. " - i_calql8

"Bitch and moan, wait until it's summer and blazing hot and bitch and moan again. " - akiyasan

"I'll tell you what I don't like - changing the feed in the bird feeder. One, it's too cold for that stuff. Two, the birds attack me. Three, there's this hawk that stays back there and devours the smaller birds, and I'm pretty small. Four? You want more? I COULD GET EATEN BY A HAWK. CASE CLOSED. " - using_chemicals

(+1 pending photo of you being attacked by a hawk. -CV)




And that's the way it is. The theme was Jane because... well, because. Reason is irrelevant; you will all be assimilated into the one true quiz. Hope you enjoyed, and welcome to all new players and watchers, and welcome back all old timers, and we hope to see all of you (and more!) tomorrow for more quizly goodness!

Rock On!

AL&CV&LL